A day of distance and of thought

Great visit with roomies and a friend last night.
Great talks.
Good sleep.
Bizarre dreams.
Woke up nicely and started talking again...
then

wham

thoughts are pouring in and I am segregated in feelings and 'thinking' again.

Core value
what is mine?

It is that I am changing and learning and growing and yes
going through
damn
confusing
thoughts
and
emotions.

Sometimes it is just that I need to observe.
Maybe not participate.
Maybe be the center of attention.
Silence is sometimes the best answer.

I sometimes wonder why I get injured.
The shoulder really hurt today with all the typing and shipping and lifting that I did today.

Therapy is done....but my PT rommie is here....she watches me move and suggests more torture for me to live through.

I am NOT normally a wuss on things about my body.
However this is pain.

I flushed the narcotics the Doctors had prescribed with the aid of a dear friend. Funny how that still bothers me.
I can't take ANY asprin or Ibu or aleve or ANYTHING except the anti inflammatory that helps some...and LOTS of icing.
Which weirdly makes the shoulder ache more.....deeply.
So lets think of other things .
Like NOT being able to climb just yet. 2 more weeks to insanely wait with patience and faith.
Not doing well on balancing on my mountain bike...rough rider that I am. Actually it is the landings that hurt ;)
Want to go camping and I do not think it wise to do so.
Which means I end up upsetting my girlfriend for canceling.

Jeez.
Boring being this way.
Moving around and stretching and freaking heavy workload at the job on weird moments of the days.

Sometimes I can't STOP thinking of the ache in my shoulder.
then the phone rings and my fingers fly across the keyboard.
It is weird having others watch me as I type.
I get nervous. It is easier when people are NOT watching how I type.
I hate being watched.
Makes me feel like I am about to make a mistake.

THEN
there are the times I love to be watched.
Maybe I chose a wrong career?

Ah well.
Time to go to sleep to see what answers I get tonight.

There are LOTS of different levels I am thinking on.
Stay
Go
Run
Hide
Fight
Think
Cry
Laugh

all emotions that are freaky in thoughtful ways.

Circe