the usual Happy New Year

Ya know life is different when you use a new font.

okay...now for the realness....



I am not sure what direction I really need to take at this time in my life. I have had a lot of tests emotionally, physically, financially, and mentally. I really like the calmness that is here right now doing things ONLY for me. I love all of the people I know...okay a few I don't give a care or thought to but that is NOT the norm for me.

I have not gone and hung out with people I enjoy being around because I am changing in my balances. My decisions are that I make or made SO much effort towards helping or being with others that it got TOO noisy in my head. TOO noisy in my heart.



I tend to want a relationship in my life. So I solved it the most positive way I could.

I have a puppy now. He is a boy dog (another unusual thing) and he is mixed breed.

His name is Jambalaya :)

Call him Jamba most the time





or ankle biter





or





"damn it Jamba!" when he looks AT me and decides I am not paying enough attention and pees where he knows not to.



We are geting there with me paying more attention to his signals. :) I am learning to teach him to react to me too.



This is unconditional acceptance and love. From me to him. I have something to care for that is healthy for me. He is a pretty calm pup and I have no idea what his size will end up being. He is affectionate without being whiney and needful.



My sisters like him, too!

I have not met anyone so far that has not been pleased to meet him ;)

I have a small video of him playing with his mom and it is funny to see the change in his personality. He has intelligent eyes and soft fur. He is doing well at not being noisey when I am gone for work.



I can tell if he has been patient by the smell of my home when I arrive :)

I am learning the comfort of a pet again.





Other parts of my life are limited and this frustrates me. I cannot ride my bike yet. I can walk.... I can do a stationary bike. I tire of sitting up all day. I want to climb but cannot. It is really nice not to physically hurt like I had experienced before. It is amazing and the results were fantastic for me.



I am impatient :)

Known and accepted by me finally. Organization sometimes is difficult with me and I want to be better at it



I want to change my career path and do what I FEEL good about doing. My current job is technical (which I like) but the business is going a direction I am not comfortable about experiencing.

I like what I do mentally. I am having issues being afraid for my job every day though.



I want to feel GOOD about what I do again. I will be trying to become certified in my masage therapy again. It will be a little hard because I seem to have this fear of failing. I am GOOD at my therapy sessions and share with many other licensed therapist ideas, techniques, and clients ideas of "comfort & relaxation" processes.

This has been calling me for a long time. I have the tools (or the basics of what I need), the knowledge and practicle experience.

It scares me to think I will freeze up and fail on the tests. Kinda weird.... while I remember listening to my exhusband as he told our daughter:

"Amanda...don't shut the door before you get there to walk through it."



Remember: OPEN doors ;)



I do not call a lot of people I know of late. Time is centered at home cleaning, organizing myself, getting rid of "stuff" that I have insisted on retaining even when I know it is no longer useful. I tire of hanging on to old patterns and habits :)
I am having fun learning how to excersise so I do not injure the new back hardware :0

I wonder if I will set alarms off in the airport?
hmmmm
I guess i need to ask Doc on the next visit :)
I have had a lot on my mind and there are otherconcerns. I am doing the best I think for me. Best to stay near my area due to cost of travel.

I have a job interview soon. Will be interesting to see what they think of my skills :) I surprise myself too at times LOL.
All in all it is about change. Not New Years Resolutions to be "attempted" but a serious understanding of MY boundries that are changing. My decisions only affect me. I am responsible adn want to have an easier life without stress.
Need change adn am seeking it.

I do miss Dan.
It is best though to not look back and hurt but to continue on to become strong again.

I really do enjoy me.