There are many things that we grow through. As a human being which is the purpose of this world and life. Can't escape it.
Not having to take "happy pills" anymore is wonderful but I notice that I react much more in defense of me and my 'feelings about a situation' then ever and not trying to justify the reason others "may have said what they said".
It is about communication. Direct words that are thought about as to how I may cause someone to feel. I cannot ease the words you may say to me. Most of my adult life has been spent trying to figure out the situation in someones life that caused them to say (or not say) something that triggers hurt or anxious thoughts in my head. Sometimes you can only chalk it up to their inexperience (read that as age) and need to draw a boundary for themselves with others. I have a few friends like this. Sometimes it is hard to tell them that what they jsut said has caused me to be pissed off. It isn't common...but it feels okay to make a statement for MY needs. It isn't fair to always assume "it will be fine if I blew steam here" and she will understand. Sometimes I don't understand. Sometimes it is a feeling that you are mad at me or I caused the situation. Sometimes I can see it isn't anything to do with me. Lately I am becoming more in tune with saying STOP this is not good for me to hear.
I enjoy being around people. I am not normally one to open up and talk OPENLY about what I FEEL. I have been known to be an entertainer. I like people being happy. I have a twisted sense of humor and do think that sometimes "shocking the thoughts" is a bit more fun than telling ALL about me to someone I will not really interact with in my life.
Yes I do care a LOT about those I love. I forgive WAY to easily when my heart is injured or my sense of value is "left for someone out the door on a step" for lack of understanding what I was giving up to accommodate their needs.
I am tired of it. I deserve better. I can give and give and give.... but it isn't worth it anymore because I cannot be a receiver.
So with this in mind....
My feeling can be hurt.
Don't avoid telling me perspectives, just be prepared for me to let you know when I think or FEEL you are being unfair in YOUR perspective of me
I have raised 2 children and had a lot of tender emotions that had to be worked through. Misconceived perceptions that somehow worked their way into my children's lives and caused damage to their hearts. I cannot change that now or ever. Nor would I because I think my kids are better humans for that. Yes, they are very different people. I am glad. I hope they learned lessons to on how to be kind and true in their thoughts and actions towards others and the gifts they receive from interactions with those people.
Do not plan on using me . .
GREAT lesson learned.
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A journey for me from a myth of a life into living in a positive reality.
About Me
- Circe
- Plano, Texas, United States
- 50 years in trying to find where I left my marbles......AH! There they are! Zephyr!!! Bring those toys back and let's PLAY!!!!!
4 comments:
Is there something I need to be clued in on here or was this just a general rant??
It is what it is Amanda.
Ranting or bitching I get tired of being taken advantage of by a few I know in my life. AND it infuriates me that I constantly allow it or try to justify the receipt of the actions.
Finally telling one person to never ever refer to me as a bitch, even in jest, because I do not think I have EVER acted that way to him and only got angry because he was inconsiderate enough to get his ass DRUNK and DRIVE endangering many people.
I care a LOT about my family, friends, acquaintances, and co workers. yeah yeah yeah...I know too many people.
It still hurts like hell when someone decides to take their anger out on ME because they cannot deal with THEIR life. OR they think I will rescue them when I cannot even save myself (at times) or my family who count so much more.
okay it was a pointed "ramble and thought" pouring out.
I donate a LOT of time and try to do WAY more than I should because I FEEL GOOD when I do and IF I had no interest in a person I would not even waste a moment of a breathe on them.
Hmm...maybe I am turning into a bitch.
I think you should look up the word bitch in the dictionary before you decide that you have become one - a lot gets attached with that title
:)
is a term for the female of a canine species in general. It is also frequently used as a term for a malicious, spiteful, domineering, intrusive, or unpleasant person, especially a woman. This second meaning has been in use since around 1400.[1] When used to describe a male, it may also confer the meaning of "subordinate", especially to another male, as in prison.[citation needed] Generally, this term is used to indicate that the person is acting outside the confines of their gender roles, such as when women are assertive or aggressive, or when men are passive or servile. More recent variants of bitch are bitchy, ill-tempered (1925), and to bitch, to complain (1930).[1]
Since the 1980s, the term "bitch" became more and more accepted and less offensive. After the word was widely used between rivals Krystle and Alexis on the drama Dynasty, it gained usage, in malicious contexts or otherwise, and is now very rarely censored on television broadcasts. Prior to the term's general acceptance, euphemism terms were often substituted, such as "gun" in the phrase "son of a gun" as opposed to "son of a bitch". More generally the term has also acquired the meaning of something unpleasant or irksome, as in the expression "Life's a Bitch".
dunno. could fit
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