Merry Christmas!

Santa is an interesting concept for giving. It matters not if you know the person receiving or giving.

It is the feeling that is the most wonderful. Seeing the smiles...watching the amazement in the eyes or the recognition that you were thought of.

Not silent in my thoughts but careful in actions and placement of the desires.

I had Christmasw gifting with my roommates and my children on Christmas Eve. It was DELIGHTFUL!
Marty had cooked dinner. then Jason (my son) arrives and joins us for a delicious dinner! Next arrival is Tracy ( new roommate ). Then Amanda and Jordan (daughter and son-in-law) arrive!
It was nice to sit, talk, joke, and relive earlier events of the Vogel craziness.

The kids really seemed pleased with the gifts. THAT was fun because I always try so hard to match their wants and desires with what I remember being wistfully whispered about years ago. :)

I enjoyed making them too!

Now I am at Antje and Mikes for Christmas. They are very special in my life...just like Marty is. True friends of great understanding and patience.

Merry Christmas to ALL!

Circe

My daughter asks "what's going on?"

Do not worry child. Just feeling a bit out of synch with the holiday spirit of late.

I was pleased to make some of the gifts I gave this year.
I wish I had spent more time to make them all.

Working Christmas Eve & Christmas Day because I need the money. Being unemployed / employed and underpaid did not help my financial situation at all.

I finally have my house on the market to sell it. Okay...it is really a condo.

I like my new job very much...but typical me...I want to be doing MORE in terms of working. Investigation and resolution to issues.
The company is going through transitions from a merger...and the employees all seem to be really nice and helpful. I like the feeling here.

I decided with a gift card I received to buy a couple of pets.
Don't worry...I do not think I am allergic to Betta Fish.
I named them (both male fish) Alpha and Omega. :)
Alpha is a red and blue Betta.
Omega is a pink and purple Pastel Betta.
They are so calming to watch and the differences in personality are notable! The fins are so long and graceful. The way they breathe and move is hypnotic to me. Curious how they will 'flare' at reflections or when they get to see each other. Yes...they are in a divided tank that is about 2 quarts size. There is a colored dividing screen I can remove so they can see each other through the clear dividing screen.
They will be easy transport to my daughter for babysitting if needed ;)



SO on the house bit....
I think I will look for a rental place a little closer to work.
The toll road and gas cost are getting TOO expensive.
I love my home...but it is inconvenient. It is away from what I do and away from work.
I will let you know where I land.

I really am Okay, Amanda...just a little disengaged at the moment.

I have never enjoyed seeing my friends become angry with me. I try so hard to be the 'peacemaker' and negotiations officer when it isn't my place to be such.

Sometimes you just have to call a card as it is played.

I am NOT going to work on the next holiday though :)
No plans to do anything but stay at home perhaps.

No driving amongthe crowds.

Life is trying to quiet me down a bit.

Circe

When you piss off the ones you love....

Okay.
I feel like total UGH. Physically and mentally.
I asked in a nice way ...and then trying to make it clear...I made a statement sound rude and horribly straightforward.
Unfortunately it made the person I was talking to feel angry with me.

I am not sure I understand. Unless they are starting to have deeper feelings.
In that case...it may be time to say good-bye to my friend.
We will see what God drops around me.

I have found that everything seems to be okay when I state something that before was teased about. Now, what I say, ends up touching a nerve.

I don't feel well. No excuse. I am tired of having bronchitis, pneumonia (easy ..the lite version) headaches that don't quit for days.
Stress I think.


At this time... Life kinda feels distant and separate.

I wish I could go home....but it is always with me no matter where I am.

This year I do not like Christmas. It feels wrong.
All I seem to do is cry of late.

It will get better...it always does.
Just have patience and see the changes unfold. That is what I hear in my head.

To my friend....I do not know if you will read this.
I am deeply apologetic. I wish I could change what I said if it would make you not angry with me.
I guess it just goes to show....

No matter how honest you try to be...someone gets hurt no matter what.

I adore you as my friend. You are unique.
I think I will be very quiet for a week or so.

Circe

When TIME Flies...

Gosh time is moving on!
I do tend to work a lot of hours.
Now I have decided to sell my home....and look for a new place...
keep learning at the new job...try to visit my family...
jeez.
Haven't been rock climbing or biking or running due to illness.
Can't go to the gym either because of said illnesses.

BUT
I didn't miss any work!
I look forward to the holidays being over with.

I really am not buying gifts. Can't afford it yet. :)
It is nice being hired again. The group I work with seem to like me and ask me if I like it too.
They are a group of fun people. Serious when needed for the job...and I like to make them laugh!

on the otherhand.
there are concerns for me.
I wonder what is going on with all of my kids.
I know life is busy...and I don't want to interfere with what they are doing and experiencing.

I talk to my mom on the way to work of late.
My Dad and Stepmom I talk to once a week.
my sisters....Annie occasionally (phone tags mostly) and Jacque has learned to send me text messages on my phone!

Actually...
that is the best way to get me at work is by text messages.
If you need that information, pop me an email and I will send you the address!

The new job doesn't allow for Internet due to the nature of the job. No IM, no personal email during hours, and try NOT to do anything personal at work at all!

I like the job though!

I am feeling much better now.
Hope all of you are well!

Circe

New job going okay!

I have a lot to learn about a new field of terminology. very different but it is interesting to say the least. Started opening tickets adn taking calls teh second day. Fast learner at least. The terminology and procedures once learned wil be good. Never dealt in la enforcement areas before...except when I worked for Tandy Center in the security NOC.

Yes, my dear children, I know I am loved.

Already started working overtime...as usual.
It will be entertaining to say the least. This week and next week are training.
Next week the rest of the new hires come on-board. HOPEFULLY I will be able to have my own computer tomorrow so I can log in as me and not Joe (LOL). He is the man I work the most with.
My sense of humor is already appreciated there too!
There is one man there that is from Ireland. I was talking to him and doing my mimicing of his accent when he asked me what part of the Island I was from!
That was a high compliment.

I like it so far.
Can't wait to really get a foot hold on what all I am to do. Soon...working the tickets will be fun! (already have started to do a couple of them!)

Always interesting finding my value.

Circe

I can't sleep

The Awe has a song I like
It is called Miserable Defections of.....

I don't understand why it draws me so.

Cafe Del Mar has a chillout album with Ambiant in G....totally moving.
Need the music to drive my mind.
Need to feel where I am.
All the questions of AM I REALLY HERE are popping up again.
I look into the past and see where I once was...scared, cold, nervous, lonely, in mental pain.

I defected.

I divorced.

I cried.

I can sit inside my home and be at peace. I can drive along the road and feel the changes in my life that are coming.

I am a little lost tonight.

My dreaming has been so very intense and real.
Where are we? Where are you?
Where am I?
Here? Or is it soon to be?

Wonder what I will feel as I drive in the morning......

Christmas is coming

Guess what folks.
I am NOT buying gifts this year.

I will enjoy making little trinkets and things.
I will put myself into the items I give.
I have a few ready as we speak.

Enjoy the season and try to not get overwhelmed.

Check this out!

http://home.planet.nl/~beekv044/TheyreTakingTheHobbitsToIsengard.wmv

My daughter sent it out...rather well done!

Happy Birthday, Momma

Today is my mom's birthday. I went with my baby sister yesterday to visit with her. I remember so much about my childhood and the things that happened. Her interactions with each of us girls (3) was different.
We were raised as individuals. A wonderful gift. Momma is 66 today. Still young but I sometimes find that she is old in mind and old in frustrations.
Remember me?
You taught me to laugh, play, dance, and create. There were times of cuddles, safety, and joy. Always being told to look for the positive in ANYTHING in life. It has worked for me, Momma. Can it still work for you? I think you have forgotten a few simple thoughts...
first: be happy and look at the positives
second: to laugh out loud
third: to smile more often
fourth: the first thought of the day can be the deciding factor for the rest of the day.

Momma, I love you. You taught me well so that I was able to teach my children. Your birthday is a gift....to me. I am so happy to visit with you and just be the "Circe-child" at times. So what if I use 'that voice' that Jacque doesn't like...it reminds me of being underfoot in the kitchen with you throughout my life. Baking bread and waiting for the first loaf heels drenched in butter! Making ice cream or dinner together. Stirring things, running and getting things that you needed from the cabinets for my baby sisters. Climbing on everything, getting hurt, being kissed and hugged until I felt safe again.

I love you Momma.
Always will.

Circe Rexene

Flying kites

One reason I fly kites.....

Allowing my sight to reach far above me.
That is my mental sight. Sometimes I get stuck in the 'here and now' and forget to reach to the future thoughts.
Flying means I have to work with unseen factors and trust myself to 'know' what to do.

Speaking of 'knowing' ...

I got a job that I start on Monday. At least I go to the orientation. Unfortunately I am on pain meds for the blooming (literally) Poison Ivy Infection and other nefarious things on my arms. You should see me trying to type or sleep :)

I think this is gonna be good for me. There was a job I really wanted here in Dallas...but they have not made an offer yet. So..another comapny did (by DFW airport). That is where I will be!

Once I have more details I will let you know!

There are 2 others that may come up with an offer... we shall see
what draws my attention the most
at the moment I am pleased to have work again.
I am tired of organizing my home all the time

Yesterday... I TOTALLY cleaned up the fridge!
LOL
It was a chore indeed. I also made Turkey Soup, Spicy Meat Flautas, Chicken Mole Flautas, Bean and Spicy meat burritos, and Bean with Chicken Mole burritos. It was nice to share some of it with a set of friends. They have JUST moved into a new place and Jackie is pregnant with her and Dan's FIRST child!

I am looking forward to teaching her to sew for the baby :)

Life is really peaceful right now
Marty (my housemate) and I had a blast going dancing last night.
I enjoy talking with my children also!
I miss some friends of late....but that is to be expected with the holidays and travels.

Okay...time to be off the cyberworld. Time to fly!!!

Circe

new/old vision

oh to have perfect vision!
I had eye surgery again today. The lasik was not up to my comfortability preferences so Dr Mazaheri did a little different surgery today.
so far....it kinda hurts. but I am noticing a difference already! Trying to behave and not read much.
Short note, but wanted to update you all.

to see clearly my path....what a gift indeed.

Circe

LOL...the dogs are OUT!

I received the FUNNIEST video of dogs today.
I tried to upload it...but blogger doesn't do the video's yet. :(

Other information ...I went and laid a ruunning trail for the DFWH3(known as the Hash) today. Laid it with a hare named "Beaver Breath". Some of the stories of how we get named are hysterical.
It was a wet and shiggy driven trail. We went through 6 water crossings and 2 were full out swimming.
Yes...I complain and call the Hare all kinds of names in the trail laying. I had a BLAST!!! I even got Serena and Rob to join in an the deal. They were really good sports.
Got a puncture wound in my arm though. It's okay though. WAR WOUNDS!!!

Doing good mentally today.

Laughing all the way.

When Pigs Fly....

Okay!
Yesterday was a pity me day.
Frustration and anger was allowed...I stayed away from everyone because they didn't need it!

Today is MUCH better.

=)

Hopefully I will have a job soon.

Dance like no one is watching????

Sheez! I like to know people enjoy seeing my performance and hopefully they decide to join in!
I went to my daughters 1st belly dance performance. She has been working hard with her troop for 4 months.
It was a fantastic show! Great 'fusion work' and interesting costumes!
It's not all sequins like I remember.
I even performed. :) Thank God it was a 4 minute routine!
Very heavy in drums which I adore. I miss having a drum to play. I gave the Doumbec to my sister Jacque. It used to belong to my mother. My mom and I used to belly dance together. Very cool tradition to pass on...and the sounds stay in the heart and soul!

I even was recognized by a dancer that had lessoons from my mom!
Way awesome because I remembered her too!
I hope she will start dancing again. Nothing like it to keep you young :)
Well it is late and I worked a lot today on massages. Time for bed!

Sweet dreams and may you all hear the sound of drums to quicken your dance steps in life!

Circe

There can be time for you and me.....

A discovery within myself. Patience is grand, but I have to make the time to accept myself outside of what I expect of myself.
Sound confusing?
Not really that but possibly self realizing and actualization.
So much of my time is spent on taking care of others.
I do fantastic massages. I do great at sewing and making things. I teach, I laugh, I uplift my friends when they feel down.
However....

When do I allow them time to return the same?
Hard to catch me being still.
It seems that if I allow it or follow my heart instincts then I will hurt. That I do fear...hurting in my heart.

I want to change that.
I want to share more of my thoughts.

If you see me...then ask a question and LISTEN. Try not to interject because I will stop talking. Just the way I seem to react of late.

I want to be here. I want to find. I want to openly exist.
Sometimes it is perfectly alright to just ...

be

Seat Reservation

A friend sent this poem to me. It's a Danish poem,
translated for my (our) enjoyment. It holds a nice
peaceful thought for the day. Enjoy.
Lisa

Seat Reservation

Space for feelings
Space for surprises
Space for secrets
Space for sorrow
Space for tender care
Space for help
Space for continuity
Space for dreams
Space for life

I wish to reserve a double seat

Jytte Bach
November 2005


Lisa! What a PERFECT reminder for my day! Thank you so very much.

Summer Fall

Holbrook Pictures

Crazy weather it is this year
Sounds of the Train going by
High and low the tones and temps
All moving quickly past
Reflection of my life in mind
Opening up my mind and heart
Words of music strum my ears
No tears
But laughter and thoughts
Time to wait
Winter Spring to come

She looks a lot like me

I am amazed! This is my daughter Amanda. Her new haircut and color!
Fantastically outstanding!
You can see it in her eye....
fun, intelligent, daring, and spunky.

New Moon comes

I LOVE this time of year!
I like dressing in costume and no one thinks it is weird.

The strange thing about a new moon? Things start over.
Sometimes without the willingness to have it happen..and sometimes with.

On that note...
I am looking for a job again.
Contract ended at the last place of employment. I enjoyed what I did so perhaps I will do something similar.
Not sure....but looking.

New Moon Rises...we're all on the run....



Circe

turning

There is something totally unique about the experience of riding your own life.
It doesn't matter who is involved outside of yourself.
We all have experiences that we talk about and share, but the truth is....no one else can truly feel it the way you do.
Mountain bike riding or Street bike riding has that feel for me. No one but me can see the experience or feel the trail as I do at the moment I am riding it. I am pushing myself to be better. Just like life...there are some surprises on the trails. You can bust forth and go through it or be timid and walk around.
You can do one thing on a trail that you cannot do in living...that is to go back and not go forward.
The same thing exsists in Rock Climbing. There is a dependancy on your partner to be watchful adn trustworthy with the rope....but all else is dependant on you. That is the only person that can get up on the wall and test their wits, ingenuity, and strength.
Camping is being in nature without the security of solid walls. THe trust that your knowledge will allow you to enjoy life naturally.

All of these statements have a point...of such.

I realized that in my life I can trust some people with the essence of me...my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, my fears.

It is only I that can truly compete against myself to become more.
They can be shared with like minded souls.

The season turn...and so do I.