Contemplations.....is it memorex?

Reflections of a mind can be a tricky thing
Sometimes real and somethings unseen
I dared to relive my past in new eyes
Was I really willing for that disguise?

Emotions removed I see a silly child
Involved in her mind and heart gone wild
Approval desired and sanctuary sought
Heart pain felt and mental pain bought

A young childs soul was growing then
Possesion of the body was wearing thin
Cannot truly tell if it was all real
Or was it a focus of a mind surreal?

This day came with a sigh and regret
climbing from my bed I wept
Cats still curled upon my feet
snoring softly, sound asleep.

This is the recognition that my old life is gone
Awareness of my choices and actions now moving on
Reality is that I have all I need
To move on and feel with reprieve

Some say I used a crutch to get where I am
It is all a matter of a purpose to serve an end
Can I still find love in my heart for those that caused pain in my mind?
I don't know....but I have found my time.

I know it was there and now it isn't heavy to view
I have heart, I have mind, I have life to review
It is only in memory that I relive that past
It is in my heart that I moved beyond and now am moving fast

Someday I will no longer seek
to find that pain as havoc that reeks
For now I see it all as a film
Memorex.... or was it a different realm?

Times of heart and soul that dance
I look upon myself in a surreptitious glance
Carefully valued and carefully stanced
Not just a performance for you to see
I am here standing....just happy to be.
Come and dance along beside me.