Much ado about nothing

let's see the whole you
that part you hide from
that part you dance around and sing to
lay it out there and fear not that there is only you

you being of light are one with all that is, was, and will be


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Can it be more simple?
To be open hearted means that it IS going to hurt..that there IS loss..and there are tears.

I don't need...but I do want.

I felt thrown away for a brief moment today.
Instead of hiding it, I left a message.

It is all about growing past the needful child.
My daughter has compared me to a child at times.
Yes I am.
I have not learned NEAR what I need to learn before my time ends here.
I know that there are many that will cross paths with me and go on.
Just as I will.

I still fly kites, play, get dirty, work, cry, run, bike, dance until I can't stand anymore from exhaustion.

It is life. It isn't nothing.
It is all.

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I have people in my life that ARE involved with me.
They listen to me talk when I express a need to uncover something about myself.
Some call it lucky to be in that world of mine.
Some call it heartbreaking.

"Did you ever love me, Circe?"
I was asked that long ago.
I answered "no" at the time because I didn't think I knew what love was.
I did love you.
It is different than anyone I have ever known or will know.
You were unique to my world.
I learned some hard heartbreaking lessons from you.
I learned to be fearful of needing...and wanting to be loved.

I think I should have asked the same question of you....but my answer made you angry as it always did.
You heard only part of my statement but you forgot to feel the person that was saying it.
Something I think you never did for long.
Only brief moments of you understanding my world.
My ghosts. My pains. My joys.

I can love and not ask for it to be returned.
Every human has the right to such an emotion.
It isn't always meant that it is returned by the person you love.
Sometimes we are played as fools...but not really if we understand that our hearts know the answers before we ask the questions.

I loved you and still do.....in a different sense of the world of what is right and what is wrong.

We were painful together.

I am happy alone...but I still love you even if it was never enough.

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"Dance" he said.
"Not with motion but with your mind.
Let it lead the muscles into the shape you seek to form out of thought."

I have never forgotten those words.

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Synopsis of thoughts that are random and still very direct.
You seek to understand me?
Think again.
I cannot even understand myself or my purpose at times.
However, I know with all my soul that I am doing what is needed. Doing and living what I am supposed to.

I tire of always letting go.
I want to have someone want to stay,
To find they like to play also.
That they like to laugh.
That they love just being.
Not dependant or needing.
But just sitting and holding hands or walking in the moonlight and looking up to find pictures in the clouds.
These are things that have occurred with all of my closest lovers.

One of these days I hope to find that these are all exsisting in one person. That wants to share their life WITH ME.


Goodnight.
Circe


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