occasional self doubt

Ever feel like you chose the wrong career, relationship, and possibly the wrong life?

When self doubt hits I find I totally withdraw.

Okay, I know a lot of stuff. Mental capacity is very good and active.
I am not that talkative normally.
Spiritually I question why I insist on learning over and over that no one sees occurrences the way I do. Nor do many look further inside to see the future for themselves or others.
Just remember that to see the future means you do not get to skip the in between emotions.

I really am not sure where I am at this moment. I woke with the words coming out of my mouth "get out of my head Dan. YOU were not invited"
Now that is a weird way to wake up.

I am not sure I really know what is best for me in a job. I like technology because it makes my mind work. Search, repair, digest, grow, and requires logical function. (Yes I can be very logical)

It does not however make me feel happy, giving, laughter filled, and thankful for being human.
My other work is what I adore. Massage heals. Not only does it help others but it helps me. HUMAN contact.
I miss hearing that someone feels good around me.

I have sat alone thinking for over a month. I have gone and visited a few people.
I am not even sure that I am wanted in any place.
It used to be the commotion of people around me was entertaining. I watch many that are lost now.

There is a balance in spiritual living where you understand that all are not lost but only searching a way to find their value.
Why is it that the human is so ego centric that they forget the reality of emotional pain sometimes needs to be listened to? I don't really need to be heard as words have been released and sent the way of smoke and prayers (I guess that is the best descriptive word I know of at the moment).

There was comfort in a few true friends being around. Yes distance does not mean you are not there for my need of communication, but it is less satisfying to my physical reality.
There is sadness that it was a liar that I fell into. I fell into lying to myself that it was real.
THAT really upsets me.

Yeah, future sight does not mean you get to see for yourself in all things.
I am still processing my choices in life. One reason I am physically here.

I just wish I felt the confidence again at this moment.
I have a good job. I worry that I am not smart enough though at the moment.
Frustrations tend to cause me self doubt.

I don't look forward to spending the rest of my life living alone.
Sorry guys, I don't like it.
I prefer to live around and with others in my home.
Yeah there may be differences and issues... but there are others there to talk to me instead of always being in my head. I think the silence is worse and I am forcing it on myself daily of late.

I can and do pay all of my bills. BY MY OWN SELF.
I am self sufficient but I really dislike being in a house by myself.

and no...a dog does not count.