Every once in a while there are thoughts that I have that seem to lead nowhere.
Absent thoughts.
Memories, lost times, and future decisions that have no place to land.
No feeling at the moment,
just disappearing thoughts.
Walking is seemingly what I need to do...not what I want to do. I want to run...to play ...to be young again to redo some choices but God knows I would not be here now as I am nor going to the next place to be.
Sound confused?
it is.
No choices today but mental tiredness
How can one be in 5 places at once...only in thought can the human mind transcend the limitations that the physical places on us.
I don't choose to be that other 'thing' I once was. I want to be who I am now but I still want to reach for that other person.
Somewhere he is out there walking towards me.
Who is HE.
I see him and then he slips away in shadow
He hides and waits for me to stop searching and seeking and having hope and that feels 'dark'. I use HE as a metaphor. The description is metaphoric also. I am not in danger my dears ...only stuck in a thought.
The HE is a life partner. I want and I need in my life.
I am seldom dependent....emotionally... to a nasty point. That I FEAR of letting someone inside this damn wall I seem to have.
Vulnerable, fragile, needy and less than perfect. HUMAN
It kinda is hard to be just that.
I am enjoying a lot of things in my life...but I am TIRED of doing all of it alone.
Of staying in my head and not talking about the things that frighten me to death.
Loving is one of them. Imagine that. The TOTAL sharing and hope building.A tender and innocent emotion that has always had pain attached to it.
I find it needs no approval but it does need reciprocation. See there I go again, talk of IT not I.
Sheez
Why is it that I have odd insight to others but I still hate to look in a mirror to see that it is I that has a need to be seen.
Dancing is so much emotion and a story and attention getting.
I dance because of how I feel at the moment. I sing because I feel it at that moment. I make up songs and sing and listen to what comes out for me to hear. I am NOT for amusement or dishonest placement of what promises to be friendship.
Think I need to withdraw a bit from my busy busy world. See what is inside for a bit.
It isn't that I am withdrawing from my friends. I need to be doing things FOR ME. My choice.
I have discovered that this blog is for me.
No comments ever made.
No help delivered no questions asked.
Mine
Selfishly sought for my OWN approval.
Not anyone else's.
g'night all
Circe
Monday, November 15, 2004
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I think "no comments" is that it just depends on what you are writing. Unlike, lets' say my blog, yours has been (as of late) mostly like to a philisophical journal. they don't really need a comment...yet. I've come to find that the comments are usually those in a re-assuring nature. As in "you rock, keep it up" or "we're here for you" "don't give up" "ya, that was shitty of him/her"...you get the idea. When one posses mostly self-affirming or mental mint enteries, most people feel odd leaving a comment that has an air of their input. Especially if it sounds out of place. Besides, if one is keeping a blog as less of a personal journal and more of a documentary or informative page...there are differences, even though they are subtle. Love you momma
Hehehehe
touché my dear one
Love you special...
Momma
Keep moving, exploring and also keep the wall. It's part of you.. it defines you from the everything else that is the rest of us and anyone else. It defines you not isolates you.
Your blog (and the comments) are written on the wall.
Love the wall, love the inside, love the outside.
Love,
Dreamer
Post a Comment