CMA here I come!

This is SO cool! I am getting to go to the CMS celebration for Beltane! My friend Mark mentioned he wish I could go. The only limitation was that I have to be at work on Sunday morning at 7.
SO if we do not leave Saturday afternoon, I will be placed on a train back to Dallas from Austin.
No big deal.
My daughter will be there too! How awesome that I get to see her do a skit with her Coven. Yes...my daughter is a pagan and very active in her community.
I am just pleased as punch that I get to go! I get to camp out and dance around fires. Meet new people and have a relaxed time.
It is WONDERFUL to have friends that think so nicely of me that they want to take me along on fun times.

See? It is a life worth enjoying.


A life worth sharing :)

time time time....what's become of us?

It is simply amazing at how time can be speeding by before you can think about it...and other times it is so slow a Turtle can appear to speed right pass you.

Lately have seen the differences of my children growing up. I also get to look into a mirror and am pleased at my own progression in life :)

I still feel like a kid in my heart.
First time however that I have felt THIS calm about changes in my life.

I now live in a great HOME with a YARD and a GARAGE. I have 2 roommates that I adore. I am getting healthy finally.
My kids are healthy even though they have trails in their lives.

I wouldn't mind being a grandmother. (not a hint Amanda and Jordan but a recognition I am OKAY with being the age I am!)
I am starting to get out from underneath a heck of a lot of money issues....slowly but I am seeing daylight.

I remember being 16 and sitting in a tree just drawing, writing, and thinking.
There are a lot of thinking times I remember from my childhood and young adulthood.
Some of the memories are hard to deal with.
I have always enjoyed being outside. Felt more freedom outdoors than being locked in a room (school) with boring teachers that could only follow a lesson plan.

I still play a French Horn. Lucky family members remember all of my midnight practice sessions. :) It was fun!

My time to sit and think seems to proceed each night of sleep. I sit on my back porch and look up to the night time sky. Stars moon and clouds occasionally glisten down on me. I sit and think about where my head and heart is. I say my 'prayers' for those I know. I go over my reactions of the day. My personal emotional reactions to situations I have no control on and hopefully I see a better way to react to similar situations in the future.

I have concern for my family members and my friends. Seems that many friends are splitting up at this time. I hope that at the end they can still learn how to become friends.
I have 4 coupled friends going through similar issues. I have 3 long time friends that have recently gotten divorced. Scary world I think when learning to live openly with your emotions.

My ex-husband was right on one point.
I never gave him the opportunity to really know me.
Pity.
I think I may have had a good friendship after the divorce 11 (or is it 12?) years ago if I had been more open with my emotions and thoughts.

*sigh* to learn in the future. Cannot go back to the past except to view the lessons.

time again...
and timing is everything.

Lighter thinking

I finally realized who Louie reminds me of!
He is a reverse miniature of Luna!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.....for those who know Luna...Louie is in no way comparable to Luna. Louie is a buff colored Pug and Luna is a Husky.
But it is the VOICE that reminds me of her. Louie does the same welcoming "howl-llooo" that Luna does!
So very cute to hear.
I was laying down and realized that this thought was so much easier and lighter than to continue staying in my head and thinking all the time.

See?

I do come up for air occasionally.
=)

Take #5

Damn it was a weird emotional day for me. Frustration at not being able to get to ANYTHING I needed to do for work today completed. I honestly hate telephones. The sound of the ring is an interruption to concise thinking. I am trying to learn more about my job and get deeper into the problems I am faced with. It is scary to judge myself as not having enough wits about me that I end up losing my job. I have to be VERY careful of my attitudes of late.
I find I WANT MORE in my life. I don't want to work so much that I miss the relaxed family and friends visitation times. I ride alone so often I have forgotten what it is to ride with people that have never really understood my mental ramblings..
Circular
....from the beginning and well beyond.
I will be dropping back on doing the massages for my clients. For a while at least.
I need to really pay attention to my health instead of working out so many other people's stresses.
I miss riding my bike, climbing, camping, seeing my family...
and visiting some of them that I will never get to see again in my physical space. Sometimes I feel very confused on the swings my thoughts take on emotionally missing people. I try to be detached for the most part. But there are things I cannot distance my heart from. Watching my children. Confusion and fear at times for them....but they always find that events work for the better if what you put into the effort becomes larger than your desire.
Lots of rambling thoughts.
Lots of rambling feelings, too.
Memories?
Or is it "Live and Un-cut" ?????

Sojourn

I needed time to just sit and think and feel out where my emotions are at these days. I have not answered my cell phone since Friday. Not being at a computer till now. Disengagement proceed.
I spent time among good friends. Some don't see them as I do. Caring and stressed, but loving and tender at odd moments before sleep. I sat there watching a Cartoon with Dan, Chico, and Regina. Just watching as the two of them were falling asleep cradled into each other.
Thinking of my life. Have I cradled me?
I have been so relaxed this weekend not trying to do too many things. Several of us went out on Friday night to dance. Went to one club that was 'closed' that night (wide open doors mind you!) and then to another around the corner.
Lets remember this. These are my friends. I am DD tonight to make sure they are safely delivered back home.
I care about many people. I have fun and laugh spontaneously with more waiting in the background.
I am truly happy with my life. I have many friends and family that are right that I do try to do way to many things. I am only 46 right now and ready for more odd adventures. I like renting my home. Being positive that renting for a while will allow me to decide what I truly want to do for my career and living situations.
I adore my roommates. They are a home base of individuals that really care about each other.

Sounds like I am tooting my own horn?

Damn Skippy.

It is wonderful finding the journey to being peaceful again is to stop running to do everything.

It's silent in my home tonight

It is nice having family members over. Even if it is roommates families! I thoroughly enjoyed Marty's children being here tonight and sharing fine dining served with extra helping of laughter!
I like having my friends over, too. This morning Kassy came with Lox and bagels! My niece, Chandra, came by today also and gave me a massage. Nice being on the receiving end. She did a great job. Dan and Jackie came by yesterday after work. I went and ate diner with them at Bennigans. Nice treat! Today has been a good day. I felt more "moved in" after emptying some boxes and making the home feel more settled.
Tomorrow I go to work. Looking forward to it actually. This week I have a lot to learn and think on. Changes in the work environment mean that I need to have some more detailing skills. Learning the product can be hard when you don't know what it really does.
A lot more software issues than hardware.
I had fun cleaning the house and unpacking. I like my bedroom the most. It feels interesting and fun. Actually the house has many styles mixed in.
The front are is what we call the Quiet Room. Books..computers..painting gear in a cabinet ready to be set out... a futon for great naps (according to Marty)..and a rocking chair...with the oriental flavor highlighting the calm.
The Family Room is warm and cozy. Mixed furniture that gives it sort of a French Country feel. The entry way is almost like those little cottage in the meadow mud room. Kitchen is a mixture of 1960 stove mixed with a granite look laminate (looks nice really) and a soft stone tile.
This is coupled with furniture that is sort of eclectic. Bright colors in painted accents of flowers and wood that is designed to look abused but warm with the sunset. Marty's bedroom is cozy and sparse all at the same time. Lots of pictures of the children! A softness that isn't feminine but holds gentleness in it. It is kinda feminine in the dressing area. Pink Rosebuds. Lots of tiny Rosebuds. =) Marty is very masculine and hopes that the recognition is gained that perhaps these feminine characters he spends his time with enjoy the comforts of a rare openness.
Tracey's room is astute. It is eclectic in colors of rich jewel tones with earthy colored paintings.
She is also a rather talented artist. Her collection of Buddahs is pleasing!
The bathroom Tracy and I share if white REAL MARBLE floors. Softly worn to a fuzzy warmth. The color accents are jewel tones again. The size of the stone top cabinet in soft creams and tans mixes well with the idea of hidden jewels in the earth. Earthy candles are used on mirrors made of tiny tiles.
My room is truly reflecting me. It is the first time for me to have dark walls, It has a flavor of richness in earth tones and Burgundy cushioning. It has an old fashioned rug on the wood floors that are a warm darkened oak. LOTS of pictures! Room to set up my table for massages. It is cozy and has adventure to it. More of my character is showing the dark romanticism. ;)
All is very cozy and delightful here.
Soon I will have pictures!

Loads of fun!

Okay so my roommate Marty is right. I like to gather.
I don't have to bring anything home either!
I like to window shop and try on different things (Attitudes are enhanced during those times) to see what 'fits'.

The new home is cozy and relaxed. I have started discovering more about me that I really like! My bedroom is far different than it has ever been and I love the way it feels!
I like hardwood floors very much. The walls are sort of the color chocolate plum. It isn't as dark as it sounds and looks GREAT with the maroon jacquered curtains. I added dark sage green silkies and topped with a translucent maroon sheer.
Very rich looking!
I found a cotton velvet bedskirt CHEAP! THen added those bed raisers. So my bed is up high like Marty's now!
I feel like I am elegant while purched atop my pilows and cozy sheepskin.

=)

I like it very much!

By, George! I think I've got it!

Wonder where the hell I put it though?!

That is a good surmise of where my mental state is at. I think I know things at work in how to do my job...and then there is SO MUCH to learn!

Nothing feels emotionally stable right now. I love roller coasters and the rush. Not this though. I judge myself to often and then have to withdraw to weigh out my decisions.
I want to help others...but where is the time to help myself?
I am ACTIVELY seeking a massage from someone. I think I may have a couple of options. Yassi was recommended by my friend Janelle. She is a yoga instructor too.
Then there is Bob who will arrive from out of the country in the next week.
I have options...but where is the TIME!!!!
So I have had to back off of some of the massages with the OT that I have at work right now.

I had a nice surprise today though. One of the co-workers I have stopped and worked on a really sore shoulder knot.
PURE heaven.
Thank you Dan R. (He like the name DR. Dan!)
I want to be better physically. Not sure how I got to be so "couchy" of late. I look so forward to the Spring. Bike riding and outdoor climbing! Hiking, camping, and BURNING MAN!!!
Oh yeah!
My tickets arrived for Burning Man.
Very awesome.
A true gift. An experience for me to grow through.

Just to not having to think out solutions and routines. A time to come for seeing art, creating art, and living in art.
I am totally excited!

So far...it's a great life.

Thank you to my parents for being in the life they have so that I could join in on the fun.

Circe

Whither thou come or stay

Thinking again about my place in life. I wonder how I would have been different in my life if I had chosen opposite of what I wanted.
Giving care and concern for another's well being can take a toll on ones own self. I so rarely take the time to be still. I am in a home that I truly enjoy the warmth of. It has peace and thought in it. Another Sanctuary but this home holds peace of mind.
It is soothing having a back yard to sit and look at. The trees dripping with golden and green energy of life. Rain cascading over items seeking the earth below. Seasons have a way of making me introspective. The changes do at least.
I have curiosity about how my children have taken the unknowing lessons that I taught them.
Was it the right thing? I do not know but I care. I have concerns that sometimes my unwillingness to work within society rules (God help me if I do :) I like using my brain and wit.) I always seem to buck the system somehow hoping for open awareness for needs and appropriate action to be lenient.
A wake up call I guess. "Hey! Did you think of this?"

I care that my children (including my niece as my own child) think about their choices openly and honestly with themselves. I weight too many decisions and reactions by who is involved.

Rarely have I been selfish enough to not care what the outcome could be. It has happened 3 times in my life.

46 years is a good length of time to get to know ones thought patterns. I have the belief that the Psychologist of the world are a lot like I am. Curious as to how a thought pattern developed. What are the underlying lessons and exposures to emotions? Why do we try to fix each other?

I am having fun with my life. I am not here to fix anyone but my own emotionally reactionary self.

I choose who I am and how I want to be each waking second and each dreaming moment becomes the formation of myself.

I like the dreams I have right now.

Travel

Love

Grandchildren

My Children enjoying their own adventures.

Circe

Chris Bliss

When Balls Fly...

*sigh

Confused?

So am I!
I normally have NO issue with being at work. I dislike it when I start arriving BARELY in time or (even worse) late. I need an adjustment in mental balance. I have started to realize how disjointed I have become in my relationship with my health.

Time
Sleep
Activities

I miss all of those.

I have a few friends (okay most of them) that are concerned at how busy I am. I never seem to stop. I understand their concern tremendously. So I'm having to lay down time rules.
Maybe the better sleep will help me keep my mental sharp.

So ... with that.

Good night!
**Kisses**

Talking it out

There are times that you just kinda unload your worry. Not to have someone take over the burden, but perhaps give you a chance to see a new way of understanding the physics of whatever is your burden. That enables me to get a chance of verbalizing of emotional reactions.

In shorter terms... I talked while a friend listened :)

Psychology and validation sometimes are my enemies. =)
I have had several friends and family state that I think to much. I do agree. It is what makes it hard for me to sleep at night. Something my momma goes through. Thinking on a consistent basis. I think my sisters do it too.

I like to think and curious by nature makes me a learner in most skills I attempt. I may not do things to beyond satisfactory skills, but I try it all.

I am kinda rambling tonight. I got a sunburn on my face and neck. I had a blast at St. Patrick's Day on Greenville Parade. I actually took the entire weekend off. Had to. Been on the go for so long that to just rest in my home with peace and quiet is a true delight.
I look forward to having a nice yard a area to have many friends come and join us.

Soon.

A house warming party is in the plans!

See what I mean about thinking? I think I will enjoy just sleeping tonight.

Pleasantly.

Ever have that 'hunger'?

IT is like I need to be fed. In heart, mind, and soul. I see this banquet before me with all types of delightful flavorings and colors. Yet the one thing I want is not ready to be served just yet. It is still in the final cooking stages. I don't know how long or at what temp it needs to be cooked at. I know it will taste fabulous at the time of receiving.
It takes many ingredients and patience to mix it all in at the appropriate time.

Or is this a dream time.

Making reality sorta weird in needing to be patient. This I have discovered I am NOT good at with things in regard to my wants/needs/cravings.

I am not the only chef nor the recipe sorter.

It is rising at the moment in my wonderful thought processes and it sits sweetly in my mind for WHEN I get my tasty well deserved treat.

Dessert....ain't NOTHING like it~

Circe

Perception in My Life

I look above my rooftop and see the quarter moon framed by a satellite dish. This rests in front of a warm brick chimney that has a huge metallic array of limbs that reach for other night viewed objects. Grasping at the ends and causing a believe of metallic optics that shine with past life.

It is a weird E.T. type of moment.

I think a lot about what it is I am and what I will into my life. Choices are wonderful gifts. I have so much in my life that gives me pleasure. Love of friends, my family, and the wonderful interactions of both. My life at times is so very busy. I feel validated by it however. I have the choice to name my 'plan' that seems so totally impotent at times.
I only have one plan.
That is to learn.
I don't really care what I learn as long as I continue to expand mentally and emotionally. Sometimes the two really have a hard battle in finding balance within my mind.

I can honestly say I am happy. That also allows me to at times feel overwhelmed emotionally.
I find that the order that is necessary for my job means I go to extremes when emotionally exhibiting my exuberance in life. I care for so many people in my heart.

Stephen, you were right. I never really let you know who I was. I regret this deeply. I don;t think it would have changed things, but perhaps it would have been less confusing in my methods.

A lot of learning these past 11 years.
Yep, Kids...11 years.
I think I am finally not afraid to express how I feel about someone. I have noticed that the range of emotions is wide though.
Time to learn more in definition of my true characteristics,
Understanding of why I choice the way I do. Not just to give defined antidotes, just a way to find HOW I FEEL about me!

I am pleased at where I am now. I look forward to moving up from this, too.

Interesting at what the mind takes and runs with when looking at the technology of framing nature.

Circe

The color of my heart

Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out. When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life. Your flirting style: Laid back Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm What you bring to relationships: Balance

Kinda cute I thought.

I think though that my heart has many colors. Some parts were crayons and paper mache.
Some other parts have the colors that came from my friends sharing their hearts with me!
I even have a few colors all my own. Some colors are from the bruises and new growth from heartbreaks. Some are parts are colored intensely vibrant colors from my joys.

All in all a heart is for sharing. Something I am having a time doing. It has hurt from my other experience but then again, that was what I expected. I set up all my lessons and expressions.
I like Rainbows....so many colors. Not just the basics but the subtle details of the blended lines.
All are wonderfully colored gifts right now.
Even if I also hurt.

Circe

Where to be

Silently I lay upon the earth
Sky viewed through branches
naked except for budding new growth
Clouds passing overhead
One lone brown leaf
dancing on a thread through fine air
Feeling the stillness and caress of a soft breeze
Resting my heart and mind
waiting until the time the leaf lets go
dancing down with grace as the moon kisses from above

Ahhhh.....

I am home tonight.
There are lots of thoughts going on in my heart of late.
The wonder of the new house and the comfort here...very different from the condo...my Sanctuary. That was the name of the condo. It was far away from all I knew. I do not know that this place has a name...but it has heart. LOTS of it!

My truck is soon to be replaced. Cannot see rebuilding a transmission for it.
Marty says he will help me look for a different car.
I could just make the payments on the loan for the truck and then purchase a used car....but I do not want to do that. I like my Sport Trac. It suits me. It takes me places and carries my gear and friends.
I have some money from the sale of the condo. I feel like I need to hang onto it...even though I REALLY want a hot tub!
Eventually I will get one. I have been at my new job for 90 days. It is a good diverse high paced and sometimes frustrating job. The guys are great though.

I also find myself contemplating love.

Why is it that the need to be with someone is so recognized in women my age? I am fine on my own (with roommates of course) and I feel like I am loved.
But why does it get to be that I want to be selfish?
I am not one to possess someone...but to enjoy sharing life. I see so many of my friends right now that are having relationship issues. Frustrations and trying to prove points.
Scary to me. I think that living with someone you would get to enjoy the fine differences of personality. I think that it may be that some have just grown apart due to interests or lazy behavior.

I enjoy loving. I enjoy sharing. I want this... and more... to continue to grow in my life.

Have you ever done things for excitement that were dangerous?
Loving sometimes is like that for me.
Dangerous
I sometimes truly fear it. Fear the getting lost.

My children always know how to find me...I don't get lost from them. My bestest friend Marty always knows how to find me too.

I hope my Love will also.

Circe

We're IN!

Naturally with a LOT of unpacking. Time to take a breather. =)
The house fells so good!
Slowly getting a very large kitchen into a smaller one...reminds me of some of my habits that are like my mothers ;) Nicely there is something to cook...all the time. LOTS of stuff to make now! TOO much STUFF actually ;0 LOL It rained yesterday late in the afternoon while the moving was being finished up from storage units and then on the way here...a wreck on rainy roads which made everything move slower...

Arrival and a fast lunch then the guys I hired started unloading. They were a bit surprised when I told them it was a shoe free house.

Oh yeah....you may wish to get a personal pair of house shoes for the visits to our place!
The pier and beam makes it a bit chilly here.
The bedrooms are set up for sleeping...and soon the rest of the house will be done!

I promise to take pictures after all is unpacked and more home like in appearance, Storage building deco isn't comfortable ;)

I like the comfort here. Louie, poor puppy dog of Tracy's isn't happy about the rain.
Be nice when he can check out the back yard!
LOTS of squirrels here to entertain him, too.

I just took a break to let all know we are here.

The new owners realtor, Pam, came by and I ran her through some things for the new owners.
Sherrie was paid to make the house ready for them and I am grateful for the fantastic job she did!

I am pleased to have gotten movers again. Kept all of us happy and still liking each other today;)

Talk to you all later!

Circe

Midnight

Amazingly the quiet isn't still
My mind is racing and planning a path
there are obstacles every where I turn here
Memories of what my life has gathered

There are times that midnight calls
The silence in the stars and sky
Breathing in cool moist air and in joy
Looking above to see my place in it all

I face a favored life I want
Warmth of friends and hearts desires met
Children of laughter and play we are
The times of midnight are here and coming with more


Good night my love
Times of midnight bring it all to me here



**kisses**
Circe

Dah dah dah Dummmmmmm

Today is THURSDAY.
Last day of my work week.
Tomorrow in the AM I will no longer be a home owner and become a tenant again.

I am looking forward to it!

I like my responsibilities...at times. I just want the freedom to leave when I wish if a different opportunity should show it's face.
I am also looking forward to being in a HOUSE again!
I missed having a yard and no immediate neighbors.

Well...except for Marty and Tracy.
=) they will be housemates of a wonderful kind!
Already are actually.

I am a very lucky woman in all of my friends. They care and check up on me when I say I am freaking out a bit. Marty has nagged, consoled, and then assisted me when I had no more ability to 'pack away my life'.
It is odd at how I seem to know where everything is and now I cannot find ANYTHING. It is disconcerting and feels like I am nowhere. THAT is mentally disturbing. My home is where I retreat to for balance. That is why it feels the way it does. Right now...there is no balance, but a goal. MOVE...get rid of stuff...I mean LOTS of stuff.
Head Stuff
Old Clothing Stuff
Furniture Stuff

DON'T TOUCH MY BOOKS THOUGH!
I need all of those.

I am so grateful for Marty and Tracy. We make a funny trio.
I think the friendship that Marty and I have makes Tracy laugh. She told both of us the other night (after we badgered her in going to the storage units) that we acted like an old married couple.
We both laughed.

If old married couples are this good of friends then maybe one day I will consider giving marriage a try....maybe....but I gotta have a boyfriend who wants to be with me all the time...
Hmmm... NOPE! Don't see it happening. But it is nice to dream every once in a while.
I like having friends. Companions when I chose or for a style of living I chose.

I have been divorced since March 1995. Almost 11 years!
I haven't lived alone often...mostly with children growing and family life...but I like having roommates.

I have been blessed with a few great ones, too!
Bob and Sharon Klug
Marty (when he is in the USA) *LOL*
Tracy
Amanda and Jordan
Jason

All are a part of my heart!

My Family I am blessed by also.

Tracy was helping me work on the mosaic art tables last night. Was a quiet and nice evening and I couldn't focus to save my soul!
I did a little of the work...and Tracy almost completed a flower. This table is going to be intense.
LOTS of detail!

I am trying not to freak. Tonight I go home and finish packing up. Last of my "lost life in boxes" series. (Now THAT sounds like an interesting story line!)
I will be glad when tomorrow arrives and things are in motion....again.
I say I am patient....but I am not really. I want changes...but I want my comfort zone also.

Hey!
That makes me human!
Imagine that...

Talk to you all soon!

CH-CH-CHA-CHANGES! Time to turn around...

Amazingly fast the days are here. My children have their birthdays foremost in my mind. Reflections of previous days and ideals beginning by smiles. Amanda is 24 and Jason is 23. The two are a year and a day of waiting to have loving and caring for each other.
True, it is shown in different ways, yet they are both exhabitionist in the way the demonstrate their hearts to each other.
I enjoyed taking Jason around with me today. It was easy and relaxed. My timing isn't always to everyone's idea of when I should arrive. Today we arrived in good times at the places we needed to be at. Jason has had a bit of a time recently and it was nice to talk them over just between us. I did get to talk to Amy. She sounds really sweet. This is my son's girlfriend. He is so very happy about her. Amazed also by her. This has good signs. He also knows his mother goes by the sound of the voice in a person. Means a lot that I got to talk with her.
Amanda had a better attitude today than she has had in a while. It was wonderful to see her shoulders relaxed and her smiling. Jordan was funny and talkative at dinner. Chandra was her great comedic self again. I love all of these children in my life. They have been the best gifts that a woman could receive.
Yeah...a little prejudiced. I like it.

The close of my condo to the new owners is on Feb 24. The movers arrive on Feb. 24 at 8 AM. My closing is at 10. Packing up stuff and thank GOD for Marty!
=)
He can be a driver and a nag, but this is what is needed.
I work WAY to much to try and get the cash together to straighten out the bills.
I do NOT like owing...but it is so close to being a freedom for me to enjoy NOT owing. I think of the new home in Farmers Branch and I wonder at how I will feel about being home more?
I like the idea
It will be wonderful to have friends and family over more. This condo has been wonderful for me but I do like having a yard to be in. There is very little convenient parking at the condo.
I am excited and ready for it to be over. Time to get ride of things I can. I will also have a garage. A REAL garage! I will have to take a picture or two of the place and post them here for you all.

I am really tired right now.
Time for bed and more memories of my babies as they were and seeing how they have grown into who they are now.

Amazing things are happening.

Time to Turn around...Ch-Ch-Cha-CHANGES!

I Love David Bowie....

Good times get better....

WHO HOO!

The home is under contract!
and
We have a new place to live!
We will not keep the land line...cells only my dears!
I am jazzed and thrilled!
The couple that is buying the house are really nice....according to Marty.

We will be moving into Farmers Branch. I promise to post a picture or two.
=)
I am pleased the couple loves this place. It had me when I walked into the door. It felt like home. Not bad for a 6 year stint!

The job is going well. I like it there very much. Learning new things all the time. Room to move upwards in my education, skills, and friendships ... believe it or not!
Realizing there is a multitude of things to accomplish in a little over two weeks
m<*0*)m

I am having a blast with my life.
I had a long reflection about my Uncle Searcy's passing on. Driving 7 hours one way gives you time...and music. Uncle Searcy taught me a lot about expectations I would have of myself. He instilled that in my Daddy, too.
It is good to feel.
My children are about to experience year 23 and 24.
Wonderful I think.
Sometimes I worry about them. They have good sense of doing what they need to do in order to learn from decisions and unknown opportunities.
That makes me happy ..to know they are intelligent and caring.
My other family is healing also...all differently and positively I think.

See?
I had a LOT of time to think and place values into my life.

Why is it that death does this to people. To realize mortality? To fear dreams not coming true? To Fail??
I think it is not for the fears...but for the excitement of decisions. To CHOOSE to have what is in your mind and heart is only because we truly deserve hapiness,
Not preaching my dears.
Self actualizations.
Choices...and knowing that we could never see what is coming in the future and arriving in amazing ways.
Romance, laughter, friendships, celebrations, sadness of heart, joy of reunions of all forms, and LIFE!

I am happy.

home...home on the range....

Ah yes...the home looks to have a contract on it. Friday is the option period ending. Hopefully all goes well and the home will become a place for others to love and experience.

Home...home on the range.
I don't want to own a house for a while again.

Marty, Tracy, and I went looking for a place on Saturday. I think we found one and hopefully it will work out for us to be there.
The house is actually in Farmers Branch. Not too far from where Marty used to live with Antje, et al. It has an awesome stove!

I really like it and it feels peaceful and loving.
That is really important to me. The walls are a soft green. The bedrooms all have Hardwoods and then there is carpet elswhere. A nice sized yard with a tall fence. It even has peekaboo holes so that Tracy's little pug can see out into the alleyway.

Keeping my fingers crossed.
(I think it is where we will be)

I will be out of town this weekend. To watch the family go through the processes of grief. My Uncle Searcy was a very giving man. He didn't always used to be...but he grew into a very solid faith based individual. It wasn't always him believing the way everyone else did. He used to say that one of the things he did best was to garden. He felt good raising food and sharing it with those who were on hard times. He took care of my grandmother her last 2 years of life. He raised (as it was because he always wanted to be with them) my Daddy. I always spent time at Uncle Searcy and Aunt Neat's home. My sisters would go to Grandmother Mary's or Aunt Maude's.

I am looking forward to seeing my cousins. There are not many left now out of a huge family.
Uncle Searcy was special... as we all are.


That's Uncle Searcy with my brother-in-law Gene.
He worked the VFW hall and was a veteran. He served on the USS Suwannee. He served in battle and in heart. I learned alot about skim-pissin (which is a type of shoveling technique in a garden) as well as learning how to garden and to look at things in nature.

home...home on the range.
Kinda depends on where you travel to in thought



... and in heart.

onward and upward

My namesake moved onto a different level Friday.
I love you, Uncle Searcy. All those times of listening to you and learning from your advice has given me a differnet view than I had of my world.
The times in the garden and learning to pay attention to the earth were some of the best patience lessons I ever had.

I will miss the physical hugs and the tickling that made you laugh, my JellyBelly.

Always
The original Little Circe.

" you ordered TRIPE???"

Ah...the delicious feeling of being wise enough to KNOW what you are ordering or the wisdom to ASK what it is you want to order!

I took my son to his new neurologist today. Very nice to be wanted on a medical trip. Jason is almost 23 and this is a big deal to hear he wanted me along for the comfort factor.

That

and I think maybe they kids do this cause they remember the lunch or dinner AFTER the visit!
I have always enjoyed the tradition my mom used to do with my sisters and I. When you have an appointment that causes you concern on your health, we would go and get a lunch or dinner together.
As Teens we always got to choose the place. Me?
Lobster...almost every time :)
My Daddy says I am expensive.
I just knew what tasted good!

However, because of MY tastes...and both my children are like me.....I choose the place today.

:)
See I am wise!

I took Jason to a friends restaurant called Jeng Chi . Chico and his family own it. Chico also made Amanda and Jordan's fantastic custom ordered wedding cakes.

I love this place.
The best dumplings I have EVER had!

So I tell Jason order "what you want" (see Daddy? I was smart this time! I know that Jeng Chi is excellent pricing!)
Don't get me wrong...but Jason and I can eat our weight in Sushi...and my pockets can't escape with that type of bill.
SO...I stopped listen to Jason because I was having my own dilemma of which delightfully imagined dish I was going to choose.

The waitress is asking in her nicest and most unexpected amazement voice " Yu shule yu wan tat? "
Jason (I'm listening now) says sure...he'll try it and then he smiles his most quizzically worried look I have seen in a while.

I just decided to wait on what was to come.
Next thing I know is a clear little salad box with Tripe in it...Yes I said TRIPE..SPICY BEEF TRIPE AT THAT...is placed carefully on the blue and white oilcloth.
All I could do was look at Jason and ask
" You ordered TRIPE? "

Now Jason really looks confused.
He also looks....


worried


....and now you can see my fun begin. :)

"I am not telling you. You have to try it because you ordered it."
Jason is getting agitated. I'm smiling.

"Look Jason, I'll eat it with you."
key word is WITH

HA!
I eat a piece to show him. Thank goodness I like the stuff. Tried it with Antje a few years ago while eating Dim Sum.
I also like BBQ Chicken's feet :)

but not often.

ANYWAY back to the story...

Jason watches and looks very intently into my eyes to see the reaction.
again...thank goodness I like the stuff.
ROTFLOL

Jason then gingerly places a piece in his mouth...not too big but not small either...and he has been wiggling it with his chop sticks. (not a good idea for temptations of the stomach)

He does finally pop it ...okay GINGERLY places the piece into his mouth after I finally tell him what it is.

"Stomach linings of the animal"

OOOOooo I thought I was gonna lose it when he bit down on it twice.

Jason is looking around ...
without actually moving...
for a napkin and these pleading big brown eyes are looking into laughter filled green eyes.

"go ahead and spit it out" is stated quietly so no embarrassment is announced.

But By gosh...he did try it.

See?
All those starving children stories (remember those Daddy)
still did not make an impression on a mom when her Baby Boy is doing the 'try and decide' method of cuisine experimentation.

Gosh I just adore these kinda dinners...

Time is of Importance

I was cleaning up my mail.
Found this and thought I would share it. Seems fitting a the moment.

Hope you enjoy!

Circe
@}----


Time is of Importance
A glance
A smile
A look
Once the time is spent together
The time is written in my book
My Memories are my own
Each touch
Each laugh
Each hug
My friends I will carry you with me
Each page in my memory book

The way of life is expansive
Making the binder grow
My book has now expanded
To 43 chapters full

My children have grown
My life has changed so much
Each page that I have placed in there
has a different look

Time is of importance
A glance
A smile
A look
Once the time is spent together
The time is written in my book

To many times I have been lost
Wondering where I went
Then I find I can remember
When I look at my book

Some just keep a picture
But I keep a descriptive book
It paints my memories with laughter and song
Hugs and feelings I took

Some day I will pass on this book
My children I hope will be pleased
To see my views of the life I had
To touch the friends I chose

Time is of importance
A glance
A smile
A look
Once the time is spent together
The time is written in my book


Circe Rexene
11/30/02

hello again!

ah...Computer is back on line!
New MB and PROCESSOR that I got from my bestest friend Marty (Yeah! Christmas gift)has solved the issue of continual failures on my PC. Also have linux as a secondary OS. Very cool to lear on.

My new job is fun. I like learning.
Asthma has really been and issue this season. Went to the doctor for breathing tests and medication changes.
Yuk.

New meds (without insurance at the moment) are expensive. I will survive it though!
I have friends and loved ones that really care about how I am doing. Listening and visiting me are some of the greatest gifts of late.

Other perspectives:
I am selling the condo and looking forward to a new location. The home I own now is so distant from EVERYTHING I do..and gas is getting expensive.

I am looking to live nearer my daughter. My son lives in a different city and it is FARTHER than my job is....so I need to not use the toll roads so much also.

I like the opportunity to change. I like the motions of change and the processes.
Soon all of the asthma stuff will be settled.

Have another roommate that is moving in. Tracy is a friends with my daughter and me. There are many people that love her and she will be a welcomed addition to my home. She has a fun energy and intelligence.
I have gotten to visit with ALL my kiddos of late (natural and adopted friends).


Life has some changes that will occur without my knowing and some wonderful gifts to arrive in perfect timing.

that's all for now folks..
love ya
Circe

Merry Christmas!

Santa is an interesting concept for giving. It matters not if you know the person receiving or giving.

It is the feeling that is the most wonderful. Seeing the smiles...watching the amazement in the eyes or the recognition that you were thought of.

Not silent in my thoughts but careful in actions and placement of the desires.

I had Christmasw gifting with my roommates and my children on Christmas Eve. It was DELIGHTFUL!
Marty had cooked dinner. then Jason (my son) arrives and joins us for a delicious dinner! Next arrival is Tracy ( new roommate ). Then Amanda and Jordan (daughter and son-in-law) arrive!
It was nice to sit, talk, joke, and relive earlier events of the Vogel craziness.

The kids really seemed pleased with the gifts. THAT was fun because I always try so hard to match their wants and desires with what I remember being wistfully whispered about years ago. :)

I enjoyed making them too!

Now I am at Antje and Mikes for Christmas. They are very special in my life...just like Marty is. True friends of great understanding and patience.

Merry Christmas to ALL!

Circe

My daughter asks "what's going on?"

Do not worry child. Just feeling a bit out of synch with the holiday spirit of late.

I was pleased to make some of the gifts I gave this year.
I wish I had spent more time to make them all.

Working Christmas Eve & Christmas Day because I need the money. Being unemployed / employed and underpaid did not help my financial situation at all.

I finally have my house on the market to sell it. Okay...it is really a condo.

I like my new job very much...but typical me...I want to be doing MORE in terms of working. Investigation and resolution to issues.
The company is going through transitions from a merger...and the employees all seem to be really nice and helpful. I like the feeling here.

I decided with a gift card I received to buy a couple of pets.
Don't worry...I do not think I am allergic to Betta Fish.
I named them (both male fish) Alpha and Omega. :)
Alpha is a red and blue Betta.
Omega is a pink and purple Pastel Betta.
They are so calming to watch and the differences in personality are notable! The fins are so long and graceful. The way they breathe and move is hypnotic to me. Curious how they will 'flare' at reflections or when they get to see each other. Yes...they are in a divided tank that is about 2 quarts size. There is a colored dividing screen I can remove so they can see each other through the clear dividing screen.
They will be easy transport to my daughter for babysitting if needed ;)



SO on the house bit....
I think I will look for a rental place a little closer to work.
The toll road and gas cost are getting TOO expensive.
I love my home...but it is inconvenient. It is away from what I do and away from work.
I will let you know where I land.

I really am Okay, Amanda...just a little disengaged at the moment.

I have never enjoyed seeing my friends become angry with me. I try so hard to be the 'peacemaker' and negotiations officer when it isn't my place to be such.

Sometimes you just have to call a card as it is played.

I am NOT going to work on the next holiday though :)
No plans to do anything but stay at home perhaps.

No driving amongthe crowds.

Life is trying to quiet me down a bit.

Circe

When you piss off the ones you love....

Okay.
I feel like total UGH. Physically and mentally.
I asked in a nice way ...and then trying to make it clear...I made a statement sound rude and horribly straightforward.
Unfortunately it made the person I was talking to feel angry with me.

I am not sure I understand. Unless they are starting to have deeper feelings.
In that case...it may be time to say good-bye to my friend.
We will see what God drops around me.

I have found that everything seems to be okay when I state something that before was teased about. Now, what I say, ends up touching a nerve.

I don't feel well. No excuse. I am tired of having bronchitis, pneumonia (easy ..the lite version) headaches that don't quit for days.
Stress I think.


At this time... Life kinda feels distant and separate.

I wish I could go home....but it is always with me no matter where I am.

This year I do not like Christmas. It feels wrong.
All I seem to do is cry of late.

It will get better...it always does.
Just have patience and see the changes unfold. That is what I hear in my head.

To my friend....I do not know if you will read this.
I am deeply apologetic. I wish I could change what I said if it would make you not angry with me.
I guess it just goes to show....

No matter how honest you try to be...someone gets hurt no matter what.

I adore you as my friend. You are unique.
I think I will be very quiet for a week or so.

Circe

When TIME Flies...

Gosh time is moving on!
I do tend to work a lot of hours.
Now I have decided to sell my home....and look for a new place...
keep learning at the new job...try to visit my family...
jeez.
Haven't been rock climbing or biking or running due to illness.
Can't go to the gym either because of said illnesses.

BUT
I didn't miss any work!
I look forward to the holidays being over with.

I really am not buying gifts. Can't afford it yet. :)
It is nice being hired again. The group I work with seem to like me and ask me if I like it too.
They are a group of fun people. Serious when needed for the job...and I like to make them laugh!

on the otherhand.
there are concerns for me.
I wonder what is going on with all of my kids.
I know life is busy...and I don't want to interfere with what they are doing and experiencing.

I talk to my mom on the way to work of late.
My Dad and Stepmom I talk to once a week.
my sisters....Annie occasionally (phone tags mostly) and Jacque has learned to send me text messages on my phone!

Actually...
that is the best way to get me at work is by text messages.
If you need that information, pop me an email and I will send you the address!

The new job doesn't allow for Internet due to the nature of the job. No IM, no personal email during hours, and try NOT to do anything personal at work at all!

I like the job though!

I am feeling much better now.
Hope all of you are well!

Circe

New job going okay!

I have a lot to learn about a new field of terminology. very different but it is interesting to say the least. Started opening tickets adn taking calls teh second day. Fast learner at least. The terminology and procedures once learned wil be good. Never dealt in la enforcement areas before...except when I worked for Tandy Center in the security NOC.

Yes, my dear children, I know I am loved.

Already started working overtime...as usual.
It will be entertaining to say the least. This week and next week are training.
Next week the rest of the new hires come on-board. HOPEFULLY I will be able to have my own computer tomorrow so I can log in as me and not Joe (LOL). He is the man I work the most with.
My sense of humor is already appreciated there too!
There is one man there that is from Ireland. I was talking to him and doing my mimicing of his accent when he asked me what part of the Island I was from!
That was a high compliment.

I like it so far.
Can't wait to really get a foot hold on what all I am to do. Soon...working the tickets will be fun! (already have started to do a couple of them!)

Always interesting finding my value.

Circe

I can't sleep

The Awe has a song I like
It is called Miserable Defections of.....

I don't understand why it draws me so.

Cafe Del Mar has a chillout album with Ambiant in G....totally moving.
Need the music to drive my mind.
Need to feel where I am.
All the questions of AM I REALLY HERE are popping up again.
I look into the past and see where I once was...scared, cold, nervous, lonely, in mental pain.

I defected.

I divorced.

I cried.

I can sit inside my home and be at peace. I can drive along the road and feel the changes in my life that are coming.

I am a little lost tonight.

My dreaming has been so very intense and real.
Where are we? Where are you?
Where am I?
Here? Or is it soon to be?

Wonder what I will feel as I drive in the morning......

Christmas is coming

Guess what folks.
I am NOT buying gifts this year.

I will enjoy making little trinkets and things.
I will put myself into the items I give.
I have a few ready as we speak.

Enjoy the season and try to not get overwhelmed.

Check this out!

http://home.planet.nl/~beekv044/TheyreTakingTheHobbitsToIsengard.wmv

My daughter sent it out...rather well done!

Happy Birthday, Momma

Today is my mom's birthday. I went with my baby sister yesterday to visit with her. I remember so much about my childhood and the things that happened. Her interactions with each of us girls (3) was different.
We were raised as individuals. A wonderful gift. Momma is 66 today. Still young but I sometimes find that she is old in mind and old in frustrations.
Remember me?
You taught me to laugh, play, dance, and create. There were times of cuddles, safety, and joy. Always being told to look for the positive in ANYTHING in life. It has worked for me, Momma. Can it still work for you? I think you have forgotten a few simple thoughts...
first: be happy and look at the positives
second: to laugh out loud
third: to smile more often
fourth: the first thought of the day can be the deciding factor for the rest of the day.

Momma, I love you. You taught me well so that I was able to teach my children. Your birthday is a gift....to me. I am so happy to visit with you and just be the "Circe-child" at times. So what if I use 'that voice' that Jacque doesn't like...it reminds me of being underfoot in the kitchen with you throughout my life. Baking bread and waiting for the first loaf heels drenched in butter! Making ice cream or dinner together. Stirring things, running and getting things that you needed from the cabinets for my baby sisters. Climbing on everything, getting hurt, being kissed and hugged until I felt safe again.

I love you Momma.
Always will.

Circe Rexene

Flying kites

One reason I fly kites.....

Allowing my sight to reach far above me.
That is my mental sight. Sometimes I get stuck in the 'here and now' and forget to reach to the future thoughts.
Flying means I have to work with unseen factors and trust myself to 'know' what to do.

Speaking of 'knowing' ...

I got a job that I start on Monday. At least I go to the orientation. Unfortunately I am on pain meds for the blooming (literally) Poison Ivy Infection and other nefarious things on my arms. You should see me trying to type or sleep :)

I think this is gonna be good for me. There was a job I really wanted here in Dallas...but they have not made an offer yet. So..another comapny did (by DFW airport). That is where I will be!

Once I have more details I will let you know!

There are 2 others that may come up with an offer... we shall see
what draws my attention the most
at the moment I am pleased to have work again.
I am tired of organizing my home all the time

Yesterday... I TOTALLY cleaned up the fridge!
LOL
It was a chore indeed. I also made Turkey Soup, Spicy Meat Flautas, Chicken Mole Flautas, Bean and Spicy meat burritos, and Bean with Chicken Mole burritos. It was nice to share some of it with a set of friends. They have JUST moved into a new place and Jackie is pregnant with her and Dan's FIRST child!

I am looking forward to teaching her to sew for the baby :)

Life is really peaceful right now
Marty (my housemate) and I had a blast going dancing last night.
I enjoy talking with my children also!
I miss some friends of late....but that is to be expected with the holidays and travels.

Okay...time to be off the cyberworld. Time to fly!!!

Circe

new/old vision

oh to have perfect vision!
I had eye surgery again today. The lasik was not up to my comfortability preferences so Dr Mazaheri did a little different surgery today.
so far....it kinda hurts. but I am noticing a difference already! Trying to behave and not read much.
Short note, but wanted to update you all.

to see clearly my path....what a gift indeed.

Circe

LOL...the dogs are OUT!

I received the FUNNIEST video of dogs today.
I tried to upload it...but blogger doesn't do the video's yet. :(

Other information ...I went and laid a ruunning trail for the DFWH3(known as the Hash) today. Laid it with a hare named "Beaver Breath". Some of the stories of how we get named are hysterical.
It was a wet and shiggy driven trail. We went through 6 water crossings and 2 were full out swimming.
Yes...I complain and call the Hare all kinds of names in the trail laying. I had a BLAST!!! I even got Serena and Rob to join in an the deal. They were really good sports.
Got a puncture wound in my arm though. It's okay though. WAR WOUNDS!!!

Doing good mentally today.

Laughing all the way.

When Pigs Fly....

Okay!
Yesterday was a pity me day.
Frustration and anger was allowed...I stayed away from everyone because they didn't need it!

Today is MUCH better.

=)

Hopefully I will have a job soon.

Dance like no one is watching????

Sheez! I like to know people enjoy seeing my performance and hopefully they decide to join in!
I went to my daughters 1st belly dance performance. She has been working hard with her troop for 4 months.
It was a fantastic show! Great 'fusion work' and interesting costumes!
It's not all sequins like I remember.
I even performed. :) Thank God it was a 4 minute routine!
Very heavy in drums which I adore. I miss having a drum to play. I gave the Doumbec to my sister Jacque. It used to belong to my mother. My mom and I used to belly dance together. Very cool tradition to pass on...and the sounds stay in the heart and soul!

I even was recognized by a dancer that had lessoons from my mom!
Way awesome because I remembered her too!
I hope she will start dancing again. Nothing like it to keep you young :)
Well it is late and I worked a lot today on massages. Time for bed!

Sweet dreams and may you all hear the sound of drums to quicken your dance steps in life!

Circe

There can be time for you and me.....

A discovery within myself. Patience is grand, but I have to make the time to accept myself outside of what I expect of myself.
Sound confusing?
Not really that but possibly self realizing and actualization.
So much of my time is spent on taking care of others.
I do fantastic massages. I do great at sewing and making things. I teach, I laugh, I uplift my friends when they feel down.
However....

When do I allow them time to return the same?
Hard to catch me being still.
It seems that if I allow it or follow my heart instincts then I will hurt. That I do fear...hurting in my heart.

I want to change that.
I want to share more of my thoughts.

If you see me...then ask a question and LISTEN. Try not to interject because I will stop talking. Just the way I seem to react of late.

I want to be here. I want to find. I want to openly exist.
Sometimes it is perfectly alright to just ...

be

Seat Reservation

A friend sent this poem to me. It's a Danish poem,
translated for my (our) enjoyment. It holds a nice
peaceful thought for the day. Enjoy.
Lisa

Seat Reservation

Space for feelings
Space for surprises
Space for secrets
Space for sorrow
Space for tender care
Space for help
Space for continuity
Space for dreams
Space for life

I wish to reserve a double seat

Jytte Bach
November 2005


Lisa! What a PERFECT reminder for my day! Thank you so very much.

Summer Fall

Holbrook Pictures

Crazy weather it is this year
Sounds of the Train going by
High and low the tones and temps
All moving quickly past
Reflection of my life in mind
Opening up my mind and heart
Words of music strum my ears
No tears
But laughter and thoughts
Time to wait
Winter Spring to come

She looks a lot like me

I am amazed! This is my daughter Amanda. Her new haircut and color!
Fantastically outstanding!
You can see it in her eye....
fun, intelligent, daring, and spunky.

New Moon comes

I LOVE this time of year!
I like dressing in costume and no one thinks it is weird.

The strange thing about a new moon? Things start over.
Sometimes without the willingness to have it happen..and sometimes with.

On that note...
I am looking for a job again.
Contract ended at the last place of employment. I enjoyed what I did so perhaps I will do something similar.
Not sure....but looking.

New Moon Rises...we're all on the run....



Circe

turning

There is something totally unique about the experience of riding your own life.
It doesn't matter who is involved outside of yourself.
We all have experiences that we talk about and share, but the truth is....no one else can truly feel it the way you do.
Mountain bike riding or Street bike riding has that feel for me. No one but me can see the experience or feel the trail as I do at the moment I am riding it. I am pushing myself to be better. Just like life...there are some surprises on the trails. You can bust forth and go through it or be timid and walk around.
You can do one thing on a trail that you cannot do in living...that is to go back and not go forward.
The same thing exsists in Rock Climbing. There is a dependancy on your partner to be watchful adn trustworthy with the rope....but all else is dependant on you. That is the only person that can get up on the wall and test their wits, ingenuity, and strength.
Camping is being in nature without the security of solid walls. THe trust that your knowledge will allow you to enjoy life naturally.

All of these statements have a point...of such.

I realized that in my life I can trust some people with the essence of me...my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, my fears.

It is only I that can truly compete against myself to become more.
They can be shared with like minded souls.

The season turn...and so do I.

rememberance of another home

To spend time with your best friend doing things that made him happy in memories. THAT is a wonderful celebration!
Tonight Marty and I went to a Korean B-B-Q place. BEST dang Korean food I have ever had!
What little I have had. It was very cool watching the reactions of the staff as Marty is speaking Korean to them. Selecting the food adn just chatting to them. I learned a few words about food tonight. It is really an amazing language. It appears mathematical!
After we ate we went to a Norabong. This is a Kareoke place. The rooms are private and it was a blast!
Disco Lights spinning...mikes in our hands...and some good songs we loved to sing being destroyed by our voices!
Actually we did pretty well.
I do NOT like to sing with reverb tho!
Some of my notes were ....a tad off!
Especially when I looked at Marty and his eyes are sqwinched shut...and laughing along with me.

It was a blast tonight.
One I won't soon forget...nor will he because it reminded him of a place he loves.

Korea

One of my gifts

Happy Birthday to my Momma

Like an Amber Rose

She blooms in the command of the sun

Shining brightly

To all she happens upon.

Like an Amber Rose

My mother

Exotic and strange

Yet eternal all the same

No one can say

Just where she transpires

All we know is that she graces us all

That bloom that never expires

Created by Amanda Rainey 10/20/2005

the month is ALMOST gone....

but NOT forgotten!

It has been an amazing birthday this year.
I have received some of the most wonderful gifts from my friends. They involved Trust, Honesty, Music, and Love.

Some of the love was a tad hard on my butt ( thanks for the spankings, Bob! You need lessons from Ann Hammond!)
There were gifts of the softest skin (and in many colors!) and fibers.
There were gifts of Light.
There were gifts that came from the stars and Earth all tolled up into one.

There were words that warmed my heart.

There were so many that it is impossible to write the amount of gratitude I feel.

I hope you all can feel the deep appreciation I have for the thoughts, the words, and the love.
I have enough.


Well...
at least enough to last me until the next birthday month!

Love you ALL!

Am I THAT old????

Now this is funny!
My sisters and I have birthdays that are REALLY close together.
I am the oldest and my birthday is Oct 20.
Annavee is the middle child and her birthday is
Oct 17.
Jacqueline is the baby and her birthday is
Oct 18.

See what I mean?
My sisters were my first year and second year birthday presents!
Now THAT is a gift that keeps on giving.
Thanks Momma and Daddy!

So.....
I made birthday cards for my sisters. I like to hand make gifts or give of myself. It means more to me to come from the heart and hands.
I made these cards by embossing. Took some time to do and I had so much fun decorating them with pastels and with watercolor pencils.
The most fun part was watching my sisters as they read them.
The funniest was that EACH of them asked me the same thing.
"Is THAT how old I am?"
I had placed their age on the front of each card.

It is strange to me that they do not remember their ages.
They have mostly gone by how old I am.
That's right!
I'm the leader of the pack! (imagine a motorcycle revving up here)

There are some things that we depend on our parents to remember. There are somethings that we depend on by what is written down.
Memories are made to always be shared. EACH is a perception of our own lives that when recited to others, or even to ourselves, becomes a legend.

I miss some of my memories that I haven't chosen to recall in a long time. Not until I run into someone from those past life times.
Then it is like a floodgate that opens and carries me along its rushing river. I bounce and float along and allow myself to be carried in thought.
All occurs very quickly.
Then I smile.
I can remember.
More than just your ages my dear sisters.
I remember the laughter...the hiding and seeking games.
I remember looking at you as babies. I remember thinking how much like my dolls you both were.
I have the age to be the oldest sister.
I have the knowledge that I will ALWAYS be your older sister.
Even if Annavee and I are 'twins' for 3 day. I am the oldest and I will always try to be here to pass on the memories that you girls may not remember.....just at an odd moment...and I will enjoy the memories that you have also!

Yes, my dearest sisters... you are that old!
Happy Birthday Annavee (45)
Happy Birthday Jacqueline (44)

Yep!
I am going to be 46!

Woo Hoo! What a ride!

Laughing at the memories of rolling down our front yard hill....
all encased in cardboard boxes.

Remembering the fun of jumping out of our back yard tree that was REALLY tall....and landing on the bedsprings on the other side of the fence.
Now THAT was fun!

I taught my sisters how to climb the trees. Unfortunately, Momma didn't think it was fun at all seeing us falling!

I hope that for EACH of my sisters that they have a wonderful birthday full of being spoiled.
Spoiled by laughter, hugs, and love.

I think you girls would be surprised at how much you are in my thoughts. How much I treasure each of you.
I know I don't visit physically that often. But you are both in my heart. I love you BOTH so very much.
I can't imagine my life without you girls being in it.
You are both my anchors, also. When I get to being to much about the world...I go and visit you and feel home.

Happy Birthday coming up to all 3 of us!

Love you special.

Sissy

What's in a name

ROTFLMAO

My parents ....bless them....

I have an unusual name for sure.
Circe Rexene

get this:
Circe is from Greek Mythology....everyone knows that one (I tell them often enough anyway).

Rexene is.....


a microgranular iron chelate and is
developed for the correction and prevention of iron
deficiency in a wide range of agricultural and
horticultural crops, particularly in alkaline and
calcareous soils. Rexene gives best effect when
applied dissolved to the plants through the soil or
rooting media.





like OMG!


Redheaded too!
Rusty from the inside out!
Iron maiden here I AM!

I found it funny

never know where your roots come from
or in this case...
what your roots are fed by!


Circe

Time off

Oh how I LOVE October! SNAP in the air.
I am going camping this weekend.
with about 275 people :)
It is so nice and cool!
It will be in the Texas hill country.
I missed going to Burning Man and this is a regional Burn event called "Myschevia".
I am so jazzed about camping out!
Unfortunately with my work Schedule I will not be able to attend the Palo Duro Canyon Race this year. I love that place.

Well time to pack!

Talk to you all after I return!
Have a wonderful weekend!

Circe

Whoot! Whoot!

ANOTHER perfect day!
Amanda and Jordan have been married 1 year today!
3:20 pm to be exact :)

Next thing...I got to have lunch with the two celebs!

Next thing...
I got a call from a friend in Colorado Springs!
Get this...
Lisa is part of the Hash House Harriers in that area. Her hash name is "Strip Me".
She is 'lost' and trying to find the Hash start for the DIM (Damn It's Monday) hash.

Guess who she calls?
Me...hash name "Slinky"

SO....
I give her the directions. This is NO way for a hasher to find a trail run!
ROTFLMAO

SO....
I call up the hares and leave a message...but during the message...Bloody Z calls me back.
SO......
I tell Bloody Z that a lost hasher from Colorado Springs, CO called Dallas,TX to get trail directions...and she SHOULD be given a Down-Down for the 'lost' senerio!
I also think she needs to do a proxy Down-Down for the harriette that gave her the directions!

Ohhhh...sometimes it is good to be a prankster...but in the same step

Sad to be known for being at a computer!

Laughing at myself again!

Hey Strip Me...
Have a beer for me, will ya?

And to all those hashers in the Pike's Peak area....
On-On!

Slinky

it's THE day again....

Well...
22 years ago today, Jack Adney and Mary Lou Adney
joined their lives together in marriage.
There have been many lessons along the way.
There have been many joys added, also.

I hope that this anniversary finds you both
Happy in heart
Wealthy in spirit
Loving each other to the depths of your hearts.

I wish you both total JOY and lots of laughter.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Love you!

Circe

(and THEN I got the CORRECTION NOTICE!!!)

Circe, thank you so much for remembering. That was really sweet of you and we appreciate your kind wishes. However, you need to remember how old your daughter was when we got married. You're 1 year off - it's our 23rd! Ha
Love,
Ml
Whoops, I accidently sent this before I was finished writing that sentence, so I had to finish and send again. Ha



Hehehe...never mess with the owner of a Blog Mary Lou!
It will ace you EVERY time!

Love to you and Daddy. Hope it was a wonderful day!

Kisses!
Circe

BIRTHDAY MONTH!!

October First....birthday month in deed.
I have several friends who are celebrating their years upon this Earth this month!
Mike, Regina, Mark, My sisters Annavee and Jacque, John, Marty's daughter Jessica, and...omg I think I have forgotten a couple!

My birthday is this month also!

Then there are other celebrations:
My Daddy and my Stepmom's 22nd Anniversary
My daughter Amanda and her husband Jordan's FIRST Anniversary
I hope I haven't forgotten other Anniversary celebrations.

All Hallow's Eve...WHEE!

Fall arriving for real and soon the coolness and the snap of the different colors of the world.
It is a time for festivities, gatherings and laughter.

We all know how I like to dress up in costumes or in finery.
Can't help it...
It's fun and it isn't something that most people allow themselves to do since they were children!

I loved dressing in costumes. Especially when I was a bellydancer.
There was grace to the movements and songs were played for my enjoyment.

Anyway...
I just wanted to remember that there is laughter at any memory I have and at any given moment!

Enjoy the October month....celebrate and be creative!

Circe

BEAUTIFUL

Waking up all snuggled under a down comforter....with the sound of the door opening and closing.
OOO this feels SO good.
The crispness of the air tickles my nose and it feels GOOD!
I love the fall weather...and the spring!

Marty was so sweet NOT to wake me this morning with a cup of coffee! I had to remind him though that I am OFF on Friday!
LOL
LAst night was fun watching TV on the couch...trying to fend off Marty's TICKLE ATTACKS.
He is so much a boy at times...and he being my bestest friend I get to see all the sides that most people don't know about. Same for him with me.
He truly knows me like no other friends does.

I may be getting another roommate today.
I'll keep ya'll posted if it occurs!

Lots to write about today...
But the main thought was how beautiful today was!
I woke up with a smile and feeling comfortably warm.

It does go on forever...

Talk in a bit...getting my hair done today!

I may have to see if I can do purple....

Nah....
that is reserved for my daughter!

ZING!!!! Off the deep end!

Ummm...like surPRISE this morning!
Marty wakes me up with a DELIC-ious hot cup of coffee served to me in bed ...at 6:30 AM.
I am OFF on Friday, man!
HEHEHE
It tasted fantastic though! Thanks!

Then I am getting things ready for my Kali-cat to go live with a new family.
<>
Then a strange phone call...

"United American" is on the caller ID.
Weird....Jason knows my number on the cell...which is upstairs at the moment.
"Hi! This is Debbie, from your son's office.
Jason fell and hit his head and needs you to pick him up at work."

OMG

Okay...they know he is an epileptic.
I have NO clue where it is that he works.
Gimme an address...mapquest to the rescue.
I normally use google...but I am not totally panicked and I remembered mapquest.
I didn't speed.
I did call & talked to Jason on the phone.
He was able to answer questions which was good.

I finally found the location...loaded him up...and off we go.
I didn't speed.

CAT scan, x-rays, and talking to the doc. Tetanus shot...and out we go....5 hours later.

My family members are far away and going different directions.

My other Roommates that live in a new home are accepting Buddy Lee back with them.
I hope the Doctor is right that this will help me to breath after the house is clean.
I have NEVER been without a pet.
No....Marty doesn't count as a pet, Joe.

I miss Kali.
I miss Xanadu.
I miss Pahsha.
I miss Mattie.
I miss Asia.
I miss Mischief.
I miss Duffy.
I miss Shadows and Moonbeam, too.
I miss Whiskey.
I miss Taco and Tiki.
I even remember Socks, Lady, Fritz, and Blitzen.

No, Momma...I do not miss my snake Jaimel.
I even miss my hamsters...White Rose and Brandywine.
(whose names shortened to Rose and Brandy). I never did name the 12 little baby hamsters though.

It is a strange reality to think that I will have no pet dependent on me.

Have to think on this a bit.

All is well in my head and heart though.

I am SO glad my son Jason is okay.
It really did scare me today.
The knocker he has is as big as my palm and about an inch thick.
It seeped blood and scared me to death.
BUT!

I didn't speed and I didn't panic.

I love you, Jason.
Very special.

Momma

Hobbie or Habit?

These are just a few pictures of what I also like to make and teach.
I teach on Wednesday nights at Absinthe Lounge. Come down and play with me on the table making? Mosaics can be wonderfully calming. =)

Oh to breathe again...

Ya know....sometimes the head doesn't think to clearly when there is NO OXYGEN getting to it.

Seems to be a routine of the past few years. Late summer...the air is still in Texas. Means the smog and soot in the city doesn't go away....and there is humidity but not rain...and I hate to dust because it sends me into fits of agony trying to breathe.

Now I need homes for my cats.

Buddy Lee will possibly go back to Bob & Sharon.
They are discussing it. He really needs human interaction. I don't think he knows he is a cat.

Kali is a bit different. She is scared of a lot of people moving about...and she is affectionate but quietly so.

Buddy will do anything for attention. Kali will appear out of nothingness to 'check in' and then disappear again.
He is black and she is a Lavender smoke color.

I love them both and don't really want to see them go.
I have to breathe though.

I actually went to the doctor.

*Message for Christopher: I didn't have to go to the hospital this time :) and I was aware enough to drive....I think ;)
Thanks for the rescue last year....was it last year?*

Jeez...ya know trying to ignore a health condition isn't very wise.
I have been trying to do thing improve my health. Guess I forgot the necessity of breath.
Won't forget again!
;)

All is well my dears.
Just learning that there are limitations at times.

Hopefully....I can train the cats NOT to be in my face and I will survive?

Doubt it.
I know better.

Anyone want to learn to love a scaredy cat?
Kali is really a sweetheart.

A date with a special man in my life...

Saturday Night.....
Warm evening....and a breeze is blowing, thank goodness!

I have a date!
The special man is none other than my son, Jason Sterling.

He hates his middle name but it defines him to a 'T'.
He is taking me to the Texas Rangers Game at The Ameriquest Field (when did it change names?) in Arlington.
(I liked it better as the 'Ballpark')

I have gone to pick him up because he loaned his car to one of his roommates to go to the college that evening.
McKinney isn't that far really...and It gives me more time to chat with him!
My Baby Boy is 22. Tall and rather cute (no prejudism here).
I love talking with him. He is amazing in his opinion. He is pretty silent and gives short answers when feeling like someone is probing...like his mom does (whoEVER she is!).
When he has an opinion....watch it!
He is very direct and cuts no corners...Like his sister in that regard!
YOU should have tried raising 2 Aquarians in a home together. They kids are as different from each other as night and day. Both are as talented as each other...and strong in their beliefs.

Anyway...My date and I are going to the ballgame!
The last one we attended together was in 1999. The last game of the century at the Ball Park in Arlington.
This year we are attending and enjoying watching the game. Jason is very good at explaining the finer details of the game to me and the stats...man the stats.
He and I both use the program to read items about the players.

Want to know when the best time was?

Guess....come on....

When we were turning onto the road of the Ball Park...HE got all excited and clapped his hands and said "MOMMA! THE BALL PARK!"
All I could do was grin and giggle. He reminded me of when he was little...age 4 or 5. ALL into SEEING where he was going.
He was sitting forward in his seat in my truck...."don't you want to slide the seat back a bit to give you room for those long legs?" I asked.
"Nope!" he says with a shy smile....lopside with embarrassment. I have plenty of room...I just wanna BE there.

HoneyBoy.....I totally agree!

It was so much fun...he freaked a little when I reached for his hand...like I was going to hold it. I was reaching for his glasses to put them in my purse....He was laughing so hard by then!
The 'season club membership' parking area was just outside of 3rd base...and just across the street!
THAT is where we got to park!
Nice young man that let us do that :)

We got in and program book was purchased!
Then a couple of pretzels...a beer for me...and then a coke for Jason...and onto the seats.
WHAT A VIEW!!!!
2nd tier by the 1st base. Sun behind us and a great breeze in the shade!
During the game we talked ...he explained....we remembered together.
Late in the 8th inning, Jason bought us dinner. Best food I have ever eaten there. Jason and I had a lot of agreeing in the way that the game was played.

Nice to say that the Rangers WON against the Seattle Mariners.
We plan on trying to get season tickets to go to the Minor Leagues in Frisco.
Cheaper and close to home. Dates for us to share.

I remember making his ball games and soccer games when he was little. I missed only 1 because I fell asleep in my car after working all night.
The Tennis matches I watched some of too. He has a fantastic serve just like his Daddy does. This ManChild can really move quick and fast! Amazingly so. When he wasn't able to play baseball in the last year of high school...he was an assistant. I wish I had gone to those, games too.

I used to play softball in school. I like sports...when I am at the fields or playing in them.

I totally get my BoyChild on the enthusiasm.
My Momma is like that, too.

HoneyBoy....I loved the game!
Can't wait to watch you play next Monday night!

*sigh* life is good.

Circe

Dreams

Every night there is a different scene in my head.
Sometimes the movement is fast and barely remembered...then there are the ones that are so slow that I am exhausted in the morning.

Lately there have been many dreams of happiness.
Seeing my children as small ones and having them turn around in a blink of and eye to being adults and showing me the newborne babies they each have.
Seeing family that have gone on in their life and seeing them smile.
Seeing my Xanadu playing and waiting for me....she throws a ball at me and does the game "got your bone" growl.
I woke up with a smile after Xanadu played with me last night.

Strange times to become attached to memories.

I have been going to my son's softball games and am having a BLAST at it!
He is awesomely animated during play...and so concentrated when at bat. Just like when he was 8.
I helped my daughter move and have been served a most delicious dinner in her new home. The new place really fits her and Jordan. It is warm, cozy, earthy, and spacious.
My niece is doing well after her adventure and has been visiting me regularly!
The cats are doing well...Marty (my room mate) returned from Burning Man full of insight and calmness.
I miss my other room mates Bob and Sharon.
They are now 'married and own a home' while being stylishly coupled.
My other friends are returning from adventures and some are on the journey of their life.

I seem to be the one that is the center spoke for some reason. Even though I do a lot of travel to different homes....they all tell me of the adventures.
They leave and return.

I want to go somewhere.

Someplace I have never been to before.
(which leaves the world pretty open)

My mind travels...and my heart travels. I just wish I could be moving my body along with it.

I enjoy my new job. I like fixing things and figuring out problems.

I think the biggest thing I like to do is to sing and laugh.
I haven't had the time to fly my kites...or climb much...or ride much...or run much at all!
But I seem to be very busy laughing. That is very good. I am healthy and I am enjoying who has come into my life.
It seems strange at times.

I don't want to date anyone else...I don't want to do my normal running around.
I love to dance...but the laughter I share with Joe has been tremendous.
We don't run out of things to talk about.
One of these days I hope that all I know will meet him.

For now...He is enjoyment., comfort, and extremely patient with me.
Goodness knows he needs it! (if you know me that is ;) ...

I miss having the time to write. I like the exhaustion my mind has.
I do work 2 jobs currently so I haven't been very available.
I am happier than I have been in a LONG time.
The happiest moments are still reserved for my children.
Maybe, one of these days, there will be other Children to have happiness about...but that time is in the future.

I am thankful, and grateful, and well loved by my family and friends.
Even the cats love me at night....purring in my ears and snuggled up close.

Time is good and plentiful.

Kisses and hugs and gentle 'butt pattings' to all.

G'night.


Oh...Deadhead...travel safely and in Light.

Circe

When Pigs Fly...

Do they EVER land?
I think so. Not always in muck and mire...but in interesting fields.
The new job is going okay!
I like it....but wish I sat more to the back area where I could hear more of the techs.
My ability to Ignore or 'tune out' conversations is serving me well for 1 co-worker (soon NOT to be).
I like having windows to look out of. I like the puzzle pieces to figure out.
I have on co-worker I enjoy talking to because he is a lot like me...just younger. He is also going through a divorce for the second time...so I think him talking to me and what not makes him feel like I am 'comfortable and understanding'. Yep...been there and felt the same way.
He has a couple of young boys...and we talk about kids mostly ...and tech things from work.
I am also working a new shift...Sunday through Thursdays 8 am to 5 pm. I am going to miss the Sundays off.
That's all I have to report...OH
Jason is playing Softball for his job!
I missed the first game =(
I WON'T miss the second one though!

Hugs to all..
Circe