When Pigs Fly....

Ever wonder when I started using this title and what it related to?
Dare to Dream Flying Pig

My grandmother used to tell me that I could go and do a 'special activity' without supervision "when pigs fly". She had some HUGE hogs that I remembered (I was about 8 or 9 at the time) trying to ride. Her farm hand, whose name was Spider, used to yell at us that we were 'gunna git hurt trying to ride Speedy (a HUGE mean hog of about 400 pounds). That was my grandmother Virginia's home. My grandpa's name was John. There was a lot of things that happened on those visits. Some were not pleasant at all.
The BEST thing I remember was getting to sleep on the sleeping porch. For those that don't know what that is, it is a screened in porch that has bedroom furniture and other items stored on it. You could lay there in the heat of summer and be fairly comfortable with a fan....all the breeze (if there was a breeze) seemed to help with the humidity of high summer in Arkansas. It was wonderful listening to all the creatures at night making their rounds.

The special activities were things that I wanted to go do by myself....hiking and hanging out in the town, fishing in the creek, or walking to other places that were a 'piece down the road'. The hiking being denied I can understand. She had a piece of land in the Petit Jean Mountain Range in Ola, Arkansas. You could hear the mountain cats yowling all the time. Bears were pretty common, too.

I chose this forum to write down thoughts, dreams, and recognitions. Sometimes the theme is along what is happening with my family. It also makes it easier to keep my family and friends informed of what I am doing in my life without inundating them with huge emails and picture files.

I miss my grandparents. I really do. My other grandparents were Mary and Arthur. They lived on a farm in Dardanelle, Arkansas. It was HUGE. Lots of places to roam. My parents would take us back to visit every summer and for many of our holidays. There were a lot of times that I just hated going to Arkansas. I look at it now and realize that I gained a lot of core values from ALL my family members. No matter if it was wrong or right. I was able to determine what was good for me.

The pig in Chinese astrology is noted for being very caring."This Sign believes in the best qualities of mankind and certainly doesn't consider itself to be superior. Pigs also care a great deal about friends and family and work hard to keep everyone in their life happy. Helping others is a true pleasure for the Pig, who feels best when everyone else is smiling."
Yep..that's me.
I am learning that I want to be happy instead of making everyone else happy because I cannot MAKE others happy with themselves.

There is a lot to the Chinese astrology that is interesting in its exactness in describing the nature of humans...we are all animals at heart! LOL
There are many different elements that describe a personality, too. There are elements such as water, earth, fire, and wood that help you determine more depth of the signs. The year of birth is always important.
The pig is considered good fortune and prosperity in some of the Asian cultures.

So for me...When Pigs Fly... means I have taken wings to find that I am happy with me. Things in my life are changing and growing. I have wonderful friends and family that help me on the way of this adventure and discovery called "Circe's Life".

I really am happy and am enjoying the moments as best I can.

I am looking forward to the coming year.
Lots of things are changing fast.

I hope you find your wings, too.

Love to all....

Circe

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than
suffering itself."
From the book "The Alchemist"

Christmas Day

A very soothing and productive day. I am fortunate that I am able to do exactly as I feel like doing.
My other half of Christmas was a wonderful gift from my roommates, Bob and Sharon. They did most of the removal of the wallpaper in my kitchen.
I helped...but they did most the work.
Currently there is a little bit of underpaper left on the walls. Bob adn Sharon are talking of finishing the removal of that tomorrow. I have decided to paint the walls a soft yellow to match other walls in my home. I just do not like do plain white walls. We all knew that, however. Isn't that right?

I went and visited some very old friends for a little bit today.
Had a wonderful visit and got to talk of Nona and Joe's grandchildren. Life is turning out good for them. I do miss seeing them but Nona is always available to talk to me. Life just takes a different path sometimes.

My Dad and Stepmom sent a DVD that has proven entertaining. It is an aquarium for your TV and a Fireplace for your TV.
Hmmmm.
I think I smell an activity for the kitty cats in the gift!
Buddy Lee did stalk and pounce or attempted to pounce on the fish slowly swimming by on the screen. Kinda funny actually. Buddy first started by sitting next to the speaker and turning his head this way and that way to listen to the sounds of the 'tank'. Next thing I knew....POP! He went down to the floor into a crouch stance near a 'rock' at the bottom of the picture...er... tank. Then SPROING! He jumps up and places his front paws (no his claws were not out, Marty) on the screen.

Buddy Lee has learned to hunt. He keeps finding the little lizards and treating them as appetizers. Buddy is teaching Kali the same manouvers with the lizards. :-/ *sigh*

Last night (Christmas Eve) was wonderful.
I got off work early! Stopped by the fabric store because I had something I wanted to make for Bob and Sharon, my sister Jacque, my friend Chris, and for myself.
Strangly enough....what I was seeking was in short supply!
Luck was with me though. After searching through PILES of material, I located some nifty fleece! I made poncho's for us to wear after running. This will help take the chill off until showers can be had. Bob has a green poncho with different beer mugs all over it.
Sharon's looks like she belongs in the 60's...soft blue grey color.
Chris has a Sponge Bob SquarePants poncho.
My poncho is all artsy christmas bulbs. I really like mine the best! I like collecting a new ornament each year for myself!
I mad a wrap for my Brother in law, Doug. I also am making a shawl type wrap for my sister Jacque. Now Doug and Jacque won't fight over whose fleece wrap belongs to whom. Doug looks like Clint Eastwood in his. Jaque's is a soft pale green....delicious looking.
I made a custom apron for Annavee (my middle sister) and gave her husband, Gene, a fishing pole that has it's own carry case. It breaks down for easy travel. My family in Washington State received cards with a small piece of artwork in them that I had made.
My children receive a little money from me because I knew they would dreally like what they got with it. OR they would place what money they got into necessary places right now.
I gave Kassy a bracelet I made, Antje and Madhu received earrings I had made, and I can't remember at the moment what else I had made for others.
Ah well...

The other thing of Christmas is to realize ( for me that is.. ) how much I am surrounded by wonderful, caring and intelligent people.
I don't go looking for the people to entertain my mind. I have discovered that they are around me and they really enjoy being with me. The ones I count as friends travel just as much as I do to see as many of our friends as possible.
No questions asked...no guilt being played, just come and stay as much as you have time for. It is equal in the travel times and distances.
I am accepted just for who I am ...which is something I do for my friends...I don't question the motives. If I am uncomfortable I tell them and then do something different.
They have ALWAYS been welcomed to join in with me or I will catch up another time.
I realized today...how many wonderful people I have in my life.

The best things of this holiday?

I am healthy and I love you all.

Now...about New years Eve...

Seems my plans are changing...a constant event that is.
So many choices....so many people that call to have me around.
"What is UP with you?"
Lots of things my friends...lots of things.
I don't date...but I have wonderful friends that I like to spend time with.
I have toys to play with and lots of kites are involved. My bikes are toys...my rock climbing gear are toys...my running shoes...my computers...my sewing machine...my new oven and microwave...And LOTS of other things!
I am SO spoiled!

Funny thing is though, I wouldn't trade my life for anything or anyone else's.
Loving who I am has been a hard road to get to. Loving my life and being at peace in my heart has been worth the trouble to get here.
I recommend it for everyone!

"Get to know you!" Something my Momma ALWAYS used to tell me. "Once you discover who Circe REALLY is you are gonna love her!"

Momma...you are so right and so wonderful.

Thanks to all of you.

Kisses, Hugs, and many hours of Laughter!

Circe

Christmas Eve and all through the office...

a few of us are here and no calls in the queue.

PLEASE??? I wanna go home!!!
IF we have no calls come in we may, just may, get to go home early!

It is crisp outside...the boss has just said his goodbyes... and the coffee isn't tasting so good right now.

I want to go home cause my family is coming over.

I want to finish up helping cook...which I haven't gotten to do at all.

I actually want to paint my fingernails. :)

I hope you all are having a fine holiday around your loved ones.
If you are not around your loved ones...I hope you can feel the hearts and hugs and kisses I send your way.

Merry Holidays to you all.

Circe

Time in a bottle

I find that I KNOW what I want to give as a gift for most people I know.
There are a very select few that I have NO clue what to find for them.
That is when my bottle routine comes out.

I go to these little 'hole in the wall' places with no one in them. I search around and looka t what is on a shelf. Close my eyes and reach and touch an item. With out looking at the item...I try to see a face in my head. Sometimes the vision comes out like a Genie from a Bottle. Sometimes I can see the person reaching out for what I am holding.
Ocassionally there is nothing. Rarely there is nothing.

I like it when the visions or impressions come out like a wisp from a magical bottle.

How many of you knew that I collect Music Boxes and bottles?
Crystals are a given. My whole family KNOWS I love gemology. I have lots of mineral samples and gemstones.

I found that I still have the ability to search for the gifts.
This year...I made them.
That was an inspiration.
They were not much but I so rarely give away any artwork that I do.

I hope you all enjoy them.
Yes..there were a couple of bought items...but that is because I knew the items were needed.

Happy Holidays to all of you!

Circe

Let it snow...let it snow...let it snow!

ooooo gosh golly gee dern...it is WONDERFUL outside today.

A few memories are invoked in my processes to day.


I still love walking and looking at the lights...but I want to go without my glasses. I like looking at a fuzzy world sometimes....not clearly defined.
I love the cold. Makes getting home and snuggling up even better!
I love candles and looking at all of the Christmas bulbs that have come to me throughout the years. Each holds a very special memory and I like remembering how I felt when I saw the bulb for the first time.

The time I remember the most was when Daddy was actually home on Christmas morning when I was 15. We all got up early cause Daddy had a flight to catch. He used to be a Captain for Delta and it was rare that he was home for holidays.
We are all up and sleepy at 5 AM.
I had 'sneaked' into my gifts so there were no real surprises.
What was a surprise and so wonderful was sitting there watching Daddy's face opening his gifts from us.
He was happy to be there on a holiday!
I love the way my dad smelled.
His hugs were the best.
I always wanted to be hugged and told I was loved....even when I screwed up.

That Christmas morning...the outside was dark...my nose was red...sleepy and excited...and yawning...and happy ...and warm....and getting to smell my Dad in my hug.

I have this thing of EVERYONE I know. I smell them cause of the memories it brings back to me.
Smelling my grandmother’s sheets as they dried in the sun hanging on the clothes line.....sunshine smell.....and for some strange reason freedom. My mind expanded while playing in those sheets.
Smelling the cooking in the home kitchen with my Mom singing....comfort smell and sound. Momma singing was always happy and comfortable.
Smelling my times in the forests in Arkansas.....undergrowth and warm and humid.....peaceful smell.
My Mom's rose garden....SO many different scents...and flavors. Did you know you can eat rose petals?....that was the smell of beauty.
Smelling my sister’s hair while they slept. That was the smell of kin...and joy...and pride.
The smell of our dog Whiskey (yes he was a Chihuahua)......that was the smell of fun.
The smell of the oil for my French horn.....that was the smell of talent....and the sounds of the home held much music from voice and instruments...and joy.

Happy Solstice to you...

I would like to wish Chris and Zak a wonderful celebration in their 3 year marriage today.
I would also like to send my heartfelt joy and heartfelt love to all on this Winter Solstice Day.

May you all find the paths to the doors of loved ones always welcoming and warm with the joy of love.


Circe

okay..it's like "HELLO!!!!"

There are times that are just frustrating.
No matter how I try or look at the situation.
No justification.....it really isn't what I want to experience or go through or settle with


BUT


It HAS to be done.






The horrid wallpaper in my kitchen is coming off on Christmas day.
I am excited about it and timorousness at the same time.
I HATE wallpaper. Gimme a wall to paint any day. I can do any type of faux finish there is and get creative enough hat I can make up something that looks 'inspired' with little effort.

My wonderful roommates are going to help me out on Sunday.

Anyone else want to join in on the madness?
Bring your favorite beverage if you do...Bring a snack if you want to.
Perhaps after all is said and done...there will be a movie night.
You don't have to be married....Singles are ALWAYS welcome...

They seem to last a little longer than the married folks do. By the time Bob, Sharon, and I get done...you will have wished you were married so you could claim "family things" to do on Christmas day.

I don't usually ask for help on projects. My roomies are wonderful people...and it is great that they want to do this too.

You all know that I am pretty independent. Stubborn enough to not admit when I am over my head on something...because I am 'learning the process'. Well this time....I could use help. It isn't that big of an area...but it has been driving me crazy for 5 years now.
I liked the wallpaper the first 2 weeks in the home.
Now I think it has come to pass to be removal designation and demolition.

Besides...Maybe I will meet a 'Mr. Wonderful' that just CAN'T resist all the homey projects that I can come up with through this?
Hey to all my single Girlfriends....come along too...Maybe this will end up a matchmaker 'strip me now' event!

LOL

Gotta have a sense of humor about these projects we set forth for our lives.

To be comfortable within ones own space/dwelling/home you have to enjoy it...all of it.

Me?
I want to get it ready to sell and move.

I want a house with a yard. Prefer to be in Port Townsend....but that may have to wait a bit.
It takes too long for me to get a Masters to do an abroad job like Marty does. Doubt I could find a room mate as nice as I am either....except for Bob and Sharon, who would watch all my stuff for me. TRUSTINGLY watch and RETURN it to the rightful owner....LOL
Marty?
The TV is your fee....and the bed frame.


hehehehe


Honestly folks...I want to have the wall paper gone. I want to paint the walls a lighter color to brighten up the room.
I would appreciate any and all help with this.
I do have a couple of steamer type items...(yes Marty...I am going to use the Floor Envirosteamer you gave me last year) that I will try on the walls to assist in the removal.
Otherwise...this is gonna suck!

I am asking for time to be spent with me.
Even if all you do is sit and talk.

Contemplations.....is it memorex?

Reflections of a mind can be a tricky thing
Sometimes real and somethings unseen
I dared to relive my past in new eyes
Was I really willing for that disguise?

Emotions removed I see a silly child
Involved in her mind and heart gone wild
Approval desired and sanctuary sought
Heart pain felt and mental pain bought

A young childs soul was growing then
Possesion of the body was wearing thin
Cannot truly tell if it was all real
Or was it a focus of a mind surreal?

This day came with a sigh and regret
climbing from my bed I wept
Cats still curled upon my feet
snoring softly, sound asleep.

This is the recognition that my old life is gone
Awareness of my choices and actions now moving on
Reality is that I have all I need
To move on and feel with reprieve

Some say I used a crutch to get where I am
It is all a matter of a purpose to serve an end
Can I still find love in my heart for those that caused pain in my mind?
I don't know....but I have found my time.

I know it was there and now it isn't heavy to view
I have heart, I have mind, I have life to review
It is only in memory that I relive that past
It is in my heart that I moved beyond and now am moving fast

Someday I will no longer seek
to find that pain as havoc that reeks
For now I see it all as a film
Memorex.... or was it a different realm?

Times of heart and soul that dance
I look upon myself in a surreptitious glance
Carefully valued and carefully stanced
Not just a performance for you to see
I am here standing....just happy to be.
Come and dance along beside me.

WWWHHHHHEEEEEE!

Ran a Hash trail on Saturday afternoon. Now THAT was fun! It has been a busy week with all of my physical activities. I like hiking and riding on trails. Always did as a kid, too. When my parents couldn't find me...it was because I was off trekking in the trees at the pond at the end of the runway or in the trees somewhere out on the property. Yes I like to climb...yes I like to read and write, ride my bike, and run (sometimes), and I like to camp...all in hopes of getting rid of excessive mental thoughts and just BE in my skin.

This time there are plans that came out of being on the trail.

I really want to live in a place that has trees all around it...and trails...and green fields. So after I get my bestest friend home from Korea...it will be time to sell my condo and look for a different place. Not exactly sure WHERE just yet....but I really like the idea of eventually being in Washington State, Colorado, or maybe even upper Oregon....some where around there. It is gonna take a few years but that is okay.

Daddy?
Are you ready for your eldest daughter to look at her living up around you?

I have thought about it really hard. I will miss being around my friends and my children and my family that live here.
I just want to be in that area of the country.
I have friends and family that live in those areas too. I know that some of my friends plan on moving in that direction eventually.

Don't get me wrong....Texas has been wonderful. I have so many friends here....real friends. I know a lot of people too.

I want adventure of a new area and I want to LOVE where I will live.
I like the activities of city life...but I like the activities of skiing, rock climbing, trail running, mountain and road bike running, and camping the most. I can be happy in either situation.
I know enough people in my life that will come to visit me, too!
I can always travel back to visit my loves that stay here also. Everyone knows how much I like to travel around...and I have no problems with doing so by myself.

I recognize that I have a lot of talent and love. Why stay in one place and keep it all so local?

I really love my life, my friends, my family....and my choices.

There has been investigation on my part, and applications sent, in regards to adoption of a child.
In the long run...it isn't workable financially for me now.
I can, however, do fostering or Big Sisters. I do like the idea of the Big Sisters at this time. I love kids. Always have. My daughter doesn't want to provide me with grandbabies...just yet ;) and my son hasn't found the woman of his life ...just yet.
My niece doesn't want to have children. I love the kids for their decisions in their lives...and I am SO very proud of them, too!

This is something I want to do FOR ME. Now my step brother has 2 twin boys and 4 step children....and I think that Candice (eldest step daughter of David and his wife Renee) may be momma #1 of the great-grandchildren for my dad and stepmother. My step sister Debbie had a wonderful baby boy named Jordan 3 months ago. Barry and Debbie are truly blessed. They had their son at Debbies' spry age of 47. AMAZING! He is SO very cute.

There have been a lot of changes in my life and in my growth emotionally.
I also have offically lost 50 pounds. Yeah me! Slowly lost the weight so that it will stay off of my body!
I want to loose another 40 but my roommates Bob and Sharon think that may be too thin for me. We will see.


I have had enough of writing for now.
Time make a few gifts with my talented self so I can share the wealth!
hehehehe

Love to all...and LOTS of laughter!

Circe

Friday night wanderings

Some wanderings are done physically and some are done mentally.

I was driving in my truck on the way back from Absinthe Lounge tonight. I was dropping off a pair of earrings that I had made for a charity event. The earrings are made of Sterling Silver with Cobalt Blue Sea Glass, carved frosted Quartz and Hematite. Very unique as all my jewelry designs are. The earrings are being raffled off for Toys are for Tots donations. I believe the new owner of the ear baubles will be pleased at the simple elegance of the jewelry.
I really enjoy creating pieces that bring pleasure and compliment the wearer of my designs.

That is where my mental wanderings went to.
Creation of art.
How much I pour my ideas and feelings into what I physically create. I do this in MANY areas of my life.
I love to paint...either walls or pictures.
I create music with my heart and mind and breath by playing a French horn, a flute, or singing. I miss playing a Doumbek (Middle Eastern Drum used in playing for Bellydancers). Even dancing is creative...no plans of movements...just feel the ryhthm.

The feeling of CREATING is soothing to me. I love to sew and cook too!

There is a need within ones soul I believe to create...to beautify one's world...to sooth, to heal, to experience a beginning of something and see the beauty in its own right of existence.

There is also the creation of a human. Something that is so much a part of two people. To create a bond of love...of comfort...of friendship...and of laughter.
All are healing within themselves for a soul that is traveling in our world of different expressions.

Driving is creation also. It brings you into 'flow' of life...going places and arriving to be greeted with joy.

Life is creative in the way we choose to live and express ourselves.

As I said early in this...I was driving and thinking. Just thought that I would share my view at the moment.

For my friends and family that I do not see often.....please realize that the creation of the friendships and the love that I have for each of you is truly unique...and beautiful.

Much love and joy to all...

Wish lists

This is in case you ever wondered what I dream about getting!
Notes are wonderful!
Hugs are better...
Kisses are always in my memories...

Spending TIME with me is what I want the most.

Love to all.

Circe

Now this is the best view of all. All the overhead lights are out and this picture is taken with just the light given from the christmas lights and candles. I didn't use a tripod, but I bet there will be more pictures to follow!  

This is the 'finished' fireplace decoration. There is more...but I love doing this each year.  

This is the roomies best loved position.....in public that is ;) 

Bob took the photo of me in front of the fireplace...As she sat by the chimney with care...all in the hopes that St. Nick would soon be here! Hello Santa Clause! I promise I have been a good girl.  

Pictures of Christmas Deco at Sanctuary

Hope you enjoy the photos!
Unfortunatly I didn't use the tripod. But I am sure that there will be more photo's to come.

All decked out for Christmas....sorta

The fireplace is hung with lights and bulbs.
Memories of yesterday all a glow.
Candles glowing and heart felt cheer...
all are waiting for Christmas to appear.

Yep!
That's right... my fireplace is decorated up for Christmas!
I have some things hanging on my picture screen too!
Sharon says she is going to go get some of her decorations from Ft Worth. My roomies, Bob and Sharon, are even considering (gasp placed here) a Christmas Tree!
I haven't had a Christmas tree in 4 years!
I am excited at the prospect of it too.

I love Christmas lights and I need to replace a strand or two myself.
I like to walk around and see how the houses are decorated. This year I may have to ride my bike!
A few years ago there was an Interlochen tour of lights in Arlington. We all gathered at Antje's home ( it was known as The Sanatorium ) for a ride. Antje had Debbie and Jeff C as roommates then. It was a BLAST riding around and seeing all the decorations.

That was about 4 years ago.

I don't think that this time of year is so bad at all.
My roomie and I just watched "Elf". Kind of a silly movie but it had some good points to it.
1) Always smile
2) Sing a song to spread the cheer.
3) Always believe in something.
4) Tell the people in your life you love them...and tell them often.

Good principles to live by.

I will post a picture of my fireplace as soon as I get new batteries.

Kisses to all
Circe

Manic Monday

Gosh...It's 12:15 AM and I am NOT ready to go to bed.
The quiet and the smell in my home is wonderful. Roommates made it home safely...with LOADS of goodies.
The group of friends that I cook with (Sunday Super Club) came over.
This is a first.
Almost EVERYONE brought a bottle of wine.
LOL
I made a roasted lamb, Fennel Dijon mustard butter to coat it with, and a great gravy made with wine and chicken broth and the rest of the Fennel Dijon mustard butter. Also roasted veggies (Anise, Turnip, Red Onion, and Sweet potato with roasted pine nuts and almonds).
Antje made Red Cabbage, and French onion soup.
Kim made a great round of Kimmie Brownies and Basmati Rice. My sister Jacque and my brother in law Doug came to! The desert from them was homemade peanut butter pie. My daughter Amanda showed up to enjoy the food! Very proud of her trying the soup. :)
There were in attendance :
Circe, Jeff Carmichael, Antje, Kim, Melanie (Jeff C's cousin) and her friend Jeff, Kassy, Amanda, and Jacque and Doug.
Bob and Sharon arrived VERY late :) cause they were in Lampasas, TX visiting his Sister and family (includes an adorable 5 year old girl named Mattie).

I titled this as Manic Monday because the theme of late is that I DON'T want to go to work.
I want to create.
I want to tear up the kitchen and remove the wallpaper. I want to paint on the walls and on canvas. I want to make jewelry, I want to do massages, I want to ride my bikes, I want to go climbing, and I want to just think things through.
Manic Monday cause it is SO routine.
Mostly cause I cannot see an end to endless data information uploads and answering calls.
Sometimes I really hate hearing a phone ring. That is at work folks. MY phones are fine :P

My daughter looks good and My sister Jacque is doing better than I thought she would be doing. It was hard seeing her hurt so bad. It was wonderful having everyone in the home again!
Even my cat Kali came down to check things out. She is getting more social :)

I had so much fun this weekend riding....doing a photo shoot..Cooking...cleaning... Visiting my friends. :)

Life is calm on the weekends....but the work week is here and I need to sleep again.

Kiss Noises
Circe

On-on

Today was a blast! It is Saturday December 4, 2004 and I went to Johnson Branch State Park with some wonderful friends of mine.
Lefty and Mouthful were going to ride in the 6 hour endurance ride. I decided on Friday evening that this sounded like it would be a blast…since weather has been difficult to get onto the trails to ride.
Running/walking the trails is great for a Hash event (dang it Beaver Breath…I HATE Mesquite and briars STILL!)
Hash names are very weird at times, but a fun personality can handle them!


Anyway back to the story of my trial on trail :)

So Lefty (aka Mike) and Mouthful (aka Antje) and I (aka Slinky) left their house at 8:00 AM. I was up at 6:30 AM on this crisp, cold, bright Saturday morning to get to their house before 7:30 AM. Jeez…a SATURDAY and I am up and ready to go on trail!
There is a very focused Lefty packing sustaining food for the ride….Mouthful (bless her) had coffee ready when I walked through the door.
I love coffee….yes I do.
We got everything loaded…dogs ready…and off we go!
Johnson Branch takes about an hour to get to from Mike and Antje's home. It was a nice easy ride for me…but I couldn't sleep on the way there even if I had to!
Total Excitement! It has been about a month since I have been on the mountain bike. My bikes name is "Sera n Dippity" …actually I'm Dippity and the bike is Sera :)
Please note the picture of the bike at the end of this post… It fits.
LOL

I was riding with Antje just for the mountain bike training. Mike was riding for a time and practice… there was also a Guy named Shannon who was riding there too! (he hasn't got a bike hash name yet :)
So…Antje and I take off…gosh it was beautifully cold and the rustle of the leaves under the wheels is awesome.
The trail is very twisty technical at the beginning…or rather where WE started! Maybe it just got that way when Antje and I discovered somewhere around the half way mark that we were going backwards to the race!
Help me now!
So far…no falls…a couple of walks across wet crossings (to cold to get wet in my opinion) and I kissed a tree with my shoulder when Jenna Dog ran between my wheel and the frame while on a down stroke of my pedals!
I missed the dog…but not the tree :)
*sigh*
Yes, the tree is still living and standing in it's proper place.
After a while Antje and I are noticing a LOT of riders are going opposite of us…and everyone is telling us we are 'going the wrong way'. At this point…I start answering "well heck! SHE'S leading! I'm just the follow through."
After a while of this I was climbing another 'little hill' and supporting a well timed falling tree (Antje moved so I could get OUT from supporting the dead falling tree) and we ran into another couple of racers.
All going the wrong way from us :)
The loop is actually easier to ride backwards folks!
I do agree with Mouthful on this.

We get to another part that crosses a fire road (AFTER Antje has gotten a breathalyzer test from Mike when we crossed paths) and I am not familiar with this trail mind you. I'm thinking this is a cool trail to take!
So we hit the other section. I noted the fire road had a sign that CLEARLY states: EXIT <--
We go straight :) *sigh* to finish the trail.
This is where it got weird.
Antje is zipping along and I had to pull over for 3 racers that were going the 'wrong way for us'. I finally get to start pedaling again…and SOMEHOW got off trail.
Dang it.
I am hollering "ARE YOU?" and I can't hear a THING from Antje. Lots of leaves and dead fall can silence a forest pretty well.
No more falling trees on me though :)
So I keep going and it is a bit rough. I KNOW I am off trail now.
Shoot….where to go?
Uphill of course!
Came across the fire road and remembered: EXIT <--
So….I turned --> to go up hill…forever uphill.
There actually were a few really cool down hills that reminded me of Cleburne State Park. I had a REALLY bad spill there once and that scene did cross my mind.
I didn't fall though and relaxed well on the trail.
Then I start going up up up up up.

This was reminding me of a trail I rode in Arkansas once. It is located in Russelville, Arkansas and was designed by The Army Corp of Engineers. It is really close to the Dam on the Arkansas River. The name if the trail is Old Post Road Park Bike Trail and has great views from the top. I think the name of the expert loop was insightful..."the Black Bra". This is a very boulder filled loop and some of the downhills are off of 5 ft dropps. GREAT air time! The lower part of the trail (practice loop) is 2 1/2 miles that ride through beutiful Cedar trees with glimpses of the river.
You can see Dardnelle Rock acroos the river. There is actually a story of these two Small mountains written in song.
The title of that song is " Running Bear and Little White Dove ". Do you know the song?
It has a 2.5 mile uphill at a 4 degree pitch. I rode the whole thing then whitout 'touching down' my feet. The downhill was WELL worth it.
Get the picture yet guys?
I LOVE going down. MUCH easier and more thrilling!

I finally got to the top of this one long steep hill and was so happy to finally catch a glimse of the van through the trees. I could hear the dogs barking a welcome to me of "…come sit with us!" so I thought this was cool!
I was cold and very tired.
I did remember hearing The Taskmistress (aka Beth aka Whore Paint) in the background of my mind the WHOLE way!
Pedal Pedal Pedal!
It was slow pedaling but it WAS constant.
Goodness my legs were on burn mode and my back was in spasms for some odd reason.

I made it to the truck. Petted the dogs…took them on a walk and waited for my friends to return…which they did eventually.
Antje rode the long loop. I got credit for the long loop :) (yeah me!)
Mike rode 2 times on the course. The Guy named Shannon was going out for more after 2 1/2 loops.
You rock Shannon!

We left after nibbles and chatter… Antje got kisses from Mike…and the dogs.
Once in the Escape Pod (Mikes VW conversion van that is AWESOME) I noticed I was wasted out tired!
Almost went to sleep on the way home except Bailey Dog is nervous in riding in cars and is worse than any locked down 3 year old.

Ah….we are back at Lefty and Mouthful's wonderful home.
Mike is loading my bike in my truck and I am ready to go home for a nap.

Wouldn't you know it?
I can't sleep.
Jeez…I was thinking about how I felt on the trail. My power and my silence…when I wasn't wheezing for breath ;)…and how good it feels to be active.

I love riding on the trails…the trees, the smell, the feel… all are about my connection with my world.

I am happy…REALLY happy.
On-on…again

Circe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.
The second is to look things in the face and know
them for what they are."
~Marcus Aurelius~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lefty getting ready to ride! He is preparing some very energy sustaining sandwiches! 

My view from the back of the van on our way to Johnson's Branch. 

ah...to rest against a pole... 

my name is.... 

my day at Johnson's Branch 

This is the new kitchen appliance! 

They're here!

Well, this is a first for me.
My stove and microwave gave up their lives...finally. You see they came with the house.
Now I have a NEW OTR (over the range) microwave and stove!
First time I have EVER purchased such items.
I am a kitchen appliance virgin!
The house came with the washing/drying machine combo, the dishwasher, fridge, and stove/microwave set up.
Believe it or not...when you purchase an older home these items can go with the previous owner.
(Thanks to Momma and my sisters for the advice!)
I bought my first home 5 years ago at the end of this month!
(12/29/99 to be exact)

2 years ago my home warrenty replaced the washer/dryer combo and I had no choice in what came in.

I went and did research on these babies. Compared prices...the whole investigative thing.
For the money and the product...I got a GREAT deal!
This is one of those things I am learning to do.
NOT purchase on impulse and because I WANT it now.
Over all. Everything has worked out great!
I will post the pics shortly.

hehehe
I did the same thing on my digital camera. Great product for the money I was willing to spend.

I am so proud of myself right now that I am going to heat up my Stromboli and enjoy it!

New OTR Microwave and New stove! So very cool! 

Stove BEFORE and new microwave 

Reflections

Sometimes you have to pay heed to the words you say to someone else.

Simply put, I thank you all for gracing my life.

I awoke today with a smile on my lips, in my heart, and in my mind.
Not because of anything spectacular, but simply for the thought of feeling balanced in my heart and in my head.
So often in this life I get caught up in helping others. I can do a multitude of different jobs, care for the most unforgiving people, and still laugh at the end of the day in looking at my pride.

I woke this morning smiling. Looking forward to my adventures. They were quiet, restful, and full of dreams.

I recognized that I don't really know where I am headed....but that is fine for now.
I have wonderful friends, family that I wouldn't trade away, and a healthy body that carries me to each destination that I choose to explore.

I find that I am opening my heart, and it's scary, but I can't always hide behind the curtains and draw them closed because someone sees I am vulnerable.

My daughter told me this in much more flowered language, but I recognize the wisdom in her writing.

I have no idea if it is visible. I don't really care.
I can go out and just be myself without care if someone else sees the real me.

I cry
I dance
I have love
I can even have anger.

Part of being alive and in this world.

Some of the old comforts I used to protect myself will not be used anymore.

I really love where I am today.....all of it.

I don't have all the answers but I can sure look for them.

I'm growing. I have friends and family who will help if I just say the words.

I love you.

Circe

A quiet day

This morning was different. Lethargic and still. Coffee wasn't enough...so a banana and some cheese helped on the way to awareness.
The weather has been beautiful today. Windy and fresh and crisp.
I love Fall and Spring with all the wonderful colors that come about.
The cats have been extra snuggle and pout occasionally.

I have been watching my friends' dogs for this holiday.
You should see me walking 6 at one time! There is a Pekinese, and Shitzu, a Terrier mix, a Hound mix, a Husky, and a Labrador.
The successive names are Mattison, Princess, Jenna, Bailey, Luna, and Tyler. One night my girlfriend Kassy helped walk them. Then the next night a friend named Chris helped walk them. The other walks have been me and it has been FUN! I have taken them out 2 times a day since Wednesday night. Tomorrow (Sunday) all the parents of these animal children arrive home and they DO miss their families.
My cat Kali and one of my room mates cat, Buddy Lee, have been a little pouty after playing with me.
They were NOT happy at the invasion of (dare I say it?) doggies in their home!
Buddy Lee pouts really well. Buddy Lee also needs his teeth cleaned. ;)
Kali has been hiding...but curling up with me at night.

I have a good feel about my life.
My daughter gives VERY good advice!
Dang, guess she did listen more than I thought she did :)
Really proud of ALL my kids.

My niece stopped by for a short visit. My daughter called, my son called, my sisters I called. I called my mom and my dad and StepMom called me. I had my friend Chris and my friend Kassy come over for a visit too on Thanksgiving.
It was nice not to travel this year. To relax and be at home was a great treat for me.
I have enjoyed the silence and the visitors and the casual everyday things in life.
I enjoyed grocery shopping for foods that I love to eat. Surprised me that I chose mostly vegetables and fruit.
ALL very tasty!
My big expense was some buffalo Ribeyes.
GOSH they were tender!
All in all...I chose to do as I pleased this Thanksgiving.
I am also choosing to wait for my room mates to come home to decorate for Christmas.
They are part of my family life and they can help me spread the family feeling, too!

Just a short note.

I love you all and am thankful that my life includes so many.

Kisses to all...
Circe

Don't know why it hurts me...

That is the title of the song that is playing at the moment in my den.
It repeats "I don't know why..."

Seems to be the theme of life right now.
I don't know why but it hurts me...all this damn emotion
all the hiding away I do
All the running
headlong into the wind
laughing
and then there is the quiet where I reflect on how open I want to be about my emotions.

Here we are world..
I am open.
I want a SERIOUS relationship.
Not ownership
but honesty in personal interaction and discussions.
Verbal
Physical
Mental
and yes... Spiritual

I have a man I am seeing.
We both know neither of us are "THE ONE" for each other but there is the willingness to explore the emotions of being dead honest in our relationship. I like it...
but it isn't enough.

I really don't like everyone knowing what I am thinking or staying away from thinking.

I miss my bestest friend horribly.
You listened when no one else could make sense of my scrabbled words and thoughts.

Now I am trying to make sense out of what I feel.

IT hurts.
But I have made it through hell before and this isn't hell.......
yet.

I don't know why I go through these things.
Why must I wish to be involved?
Why must I hurt?

Why aren't you here?

A poem

I wrote this a while ago....thought that it was fitting and I wanted to share it.
Yes...I do write poetry as all Librans must.
An outlet when I am trying to see where I am.
It is refreshing to read these occasionally...to see what may come next.

Enjoy!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Untitled Night


The sun rose this morning…
I, breathing in the newness of the light,
was held with gentle tears flowing

The fears of the darkness and that reality
No longer tying me to unknown depths of loneliness
Ending in relief and bringing memories to the heart

Passions of life have flown by my eyes
Laughter has filled my soul
While time moves on at its relentless pace … never still

My heart is beating with awareness and eyes are open to life
The children gather ‘round to listen to my stories
Waiting for the excitement to fill their minds

The fields in the distance hold new growth, new smells, and new joys
Greens, violet, white…all waving for me to come touch and taste
Sunlight dancing upon my skin and hair, combing warmth into my mind.

Sunset comes slowly to the soul
Wanting the daylight to shine longer, the winds to be gentle
Walking slowly on my path of dreams to come

Then the time of night approaches me…the time of inner reflection
I will smile and wait for sleep to hold me still …
While time moves forward with my soul …breathing the memories of light.

The moon is rising bright this night
I, breathing in the oldest of white light
am holding my heart, tears flowing gently into my soul.


Circe Rexene
3/21/03

Quote from the Universe

All the years and all the tears... boy, Circe, aren't they gonna be shocked when they realize that nothing was ever lost - not friendships, not opportunities, not love - nothing?

And that they already had all those things they went searching for?

That never once were we disappointed in them?

That nothing had to be proved, learned or earned?

That all along, they were, in fact, the person they had always dreamed of becoming?

Depressing?!! Hardly, Circe, because then it's revealed that their life, just as it was, changed everything and everyone, for the better.

Cool, huh?
The Universe




I like it! I like it!

Circe
cool.....

Stopping time

WHOA NELLY!

Can you tell by the time I am writing this that I am going through a hard time sleeping?
Can't seem to shut off the mind.
Several events of late have been weird. My dreams are very lucid. Details that stick with me throughout the day for my pondering.
Several déjà vu events. Disturbing when I drive and the 'scene' is playing out in my head and causing me to lose my sense of where I am at.
It seems that it has something to do with my job. Don;t get me wrong on this statement...but the job holds love and hate in almost the same instant. I like working with people and learning. The ability to gain information and make determinations in regard to the REAL problem is fun. The repetitive drone of data entry is boring. I find at times that I cannot hardly keep my eyes from crossing up and wanting to nap a little.

I still feel like there is a flow to my life. I am just not sure if I am going downstream or upstream.
I think most of the time it is staying even with the pace of the river.

My roommates leave tomorrow for Thanksgiving vacation in Colorado.
I am staying here at the casa... very awesome actually.

I heard on the news today a DJ asking to have the 'Most horrible Thanksgiving Story you can remember" called in to him. How DARE he!
To remember a holiday that is titled "THANKSGIVING" with bad association? Hell of a way to start the HOLIDAY season with. No matter WHAT your belief is, WHY would you want to remember the NEGATIVE?!?
Yes the holidays are commercialism but it seems to me that the holidays when people TRY to be friendly!

Come on Guys and Gals. Give each person you meet a smile, no matter what! I do not intend to cook but I do intend to enjoy my time and finish up a few things in my home.

Call Signs

Ever have a song continue to repeat itself without your bidding? Sounds that softly cradle your mind?
I have been stuck with a song for days now. I wish I could remember from whence it came. The song seems to tickle my memories of younger years...and the mid 20's of my life.... dang it.
Ah well...I can change the channel when I want.

There are times that I am so thrilled at living for the moment that I REALLY don't want to look at the future.
I enjoy how my graceful life seems to fall in place.
Doesn't mean that I am graceful....just the fact that my life has a graceful flow to it.
It always seems to be providing me with laughter, friends, love, and hope. My family is doing well. Lots of things to deal with but over all everything is in a flow...a dance.... a meeting of different directions.

I hope that the flow I am in at this time has a heck of a nice island that will stick around for a time. Nice place to rest upon. to converse in, to enjoy the simpler things in life on as in laughter, talking, and cooking can do.
deliberately moving through my life.
I have to purchase a new stove.
Can't keep this one going any longer. Not the built in microwave. Dang it.
Ah well there seems to be all the provisional items that fall in place now and then.
I went and ran in a HASH this Saturday. It has been a long time and it was really a lot of fun. I still hate going through briars and mesquite....my legs and arms are torn up.
It was fun though.
To go hiking around and talking to others and hoping I don't get lost again. I hate it when that happens.

Tonight is quite in the home.
It's nice.
I watched part of a movie with my roommates tonight.
50 First Dates
It was cute...and sad at the same moment.
That or I lost track of the time again.
Anyway...it is getting late and since I have a propensity for late hours anyway. I guess I need to get back on track.
Tomorrow I have a massage scheduled to do. Tuesday is climbing night.
Hopefully on Wednesday it may be nice enough that I can ride my bike.
Thursday I am staying home.
I want to watch a game or two on TV.
I want to listen to music if I choose or read.
I just want to chill out and be still.
I wanted to go see my family in Arkansas. Can't afford to do that at this time.
No monetary availability at the moment...and the need for quiet. I want to finish my walls. I would like to paint and finish up some item's that I promised to do in jewelry and in sewing.

I want to dejunk again cause there is to much stuff again in the home.

I wonder sometimes if my life is going in the best direction. The times I feel like running cause I feel and then the times I want to stay cause I feel.

I wish I could figure out how to get my company to move me to Washington State. Beautiful country there. Ah well it isn't going to happen for a long time.

Sometimes I want to move to an island also.
Then there are the moments that I can't do without my friends and loves of my heart.

I am told it is part of life..to look back and count the stones you were carried by.
Living is really wonderful at the moment.

Finally.

Kisses my friends.....
G'night Tigger
Silly old bear....

Circe

and we'll have fun, fun, fun.....

till the Tbird can't be driven anymore (I KNOW THAT those are the wrong words, but they fit in with the idea)
Ah yes...To climb a rock wall ..or two..or three was a BLAST at StoneWorks Indoor Climbing Gym tonight.
PERFECT weather for it!
I don't mind climbing at night.
They have good lighting and the people I climb with are GREAT!
There is Antje, Richard, Kim, Jill, Cecil (when he is in town) and Marty (when he is in the USA).
I climbed well on the 3 routes I did. Nothing hard..but I was informed that I looked graceful tonight. Deliberate and I used the walls well.
That IS a compliment! (thank you Richard!)
Then, even better later on... I did a massage on a friend and helped her neck out some.THAT was a bonus reward. She felt great after 30 minutes. I felt like I could climb for hours...but not tonight.
Short on sleep from thinking about a lot of 'stuff' last night.
So this is short and sweet.
I really hope that all of my friends will one day try the climbing.
Heck, even my kids (Amanda and Jason), Amanda's new husband Jordan, and my neice Chandra have tried climbing!

I am yawning big time so it is beddie-bye time for momma...
Huggles!

Circe

What thoughts pass by in reality and in fantasy

Every once in a while there are thoughts that I have that seem to lead nowhere.
Absent thoughts.
Memories, lost times, and future decisions that have no place to land.
No feeling at the moment,
just disappearing thoughts.

Walking is seemingly what I need to do...not what I want to do. I want to run...to play ...to be young again to redo some choices but God knows I would not be here now as I am nor going to the next place to be.
Sound confused?

it is.

No choices today but mental tiredness
How can one be in 5 places at once...only in thought can the human mind transcend the limitations that the physical places on us.

I don't choose to be that other 'thing' I once was. I want to be who I am now but I still want to reach for that other person.
Somewhere he is out there walking towards me.
Who is HE.
I see him and then he slips away in shadow
He hides and waits for me to stop searching and seeking and having hope and that feels 'dark'. I use HE as a metaphor. The description is metaphoric also. I am not in danger my dears ...only stuck in a thought.
The HE is a life partner. I want and I need in my life.
I am seldom dependent....emotionally... to a nasty point. That I FEAR of letting someone inside this damn wall I seem to have.
Vulnerable, fragile, needy and less than perfect. HUMAN
It kinda is hard to be just that.
I am enjoying a lot of things in my life...but I am TIRED of doing all of it alone.
Of staying in my head and not talking about the things that frighten me to death.
Loving is one of them. Imagine that. The TOTAL sharing and hope building.A tender and innocent emotion that has always had pain attached to it.
I find it needs no approval but it does need reciprocation. See there I go again, talk of IT not I.
Sheez
Why is it that I have odd insight to others but I still hate to look in a mirror to see that it is I that has a need to be seen.
Dancing is so much emotion and a story and attention getting.
I dance because of how I feel at the moment. I sing because I feel it at that moment. I make up songs and sing and listen to what comes out for me to hear. I am NOT for amusement or dishonest placement of what promises to be friendship.

Think I need to withdraw a bit from my busy busy world. See what is inside for a bit.
It isn't that I am withdrawing from my friends. I need to be doing things FOR ME. My choice.

I have discovered that this blog is for me.
No comments ever made.
No help delivered no questions asked.
Mine
Selfishly sought for my OWN approval.
Not anyone else's.

g'night all

Circe

Mental delights of physical actions.....

Just thought I would write a bit. The mind is wandering tonight.
Clouds are moving in and I can smell the weather softly ticking my nose with change.
Looking forward to coldness that frosts the air as I breath. The sunrise this morning was beautiful "baby colors" as my roommate Sharon says.
I see skies that are rosy and soft with blankets of blue hugging the edges of a sleepy eye as it opens to view the world.
Crisp it was. Soft warmth this evening. Tomorrow is unknown but looked forward to with anticipation.

Climbing tomorrow night. To use my mind to place my hands and feet into the tiny holds that allow me to go up the inwardly curved walls and reaching a highly placed metal measure of success. Then sliding and slipping down by guidance and trust of another's hands.
Standing at the bottom of the cement well. Looking up at the holds and crevices that I have been up numerous times. Each time a different approach and each time a different me ascends. Noticing that a calmer me descends afterwards. I am not thinking of anything other than how to place my hands, my feet, my weight, my knowledge, and my trust. The feel of reaching back that last few seconds and placing the sofest white dust of gypsum on my finger tips....hoping it helps me to hold on a little better. Oh gosh, where to start. I have looked up and seen the goal...not to shy away....but which path to choose this time.
Reaching and the first pull of my muscles lets me know that I am in motion even without leaving the ground.
Deep breath.... exhale as I move upwards and reach with my hands while feet press and muscles slide over themselves.
"Climbing" I state (meaning 'be aware of my actions, my Belayer!')
"Climb on!" states my partner (meaning 'I am aware and watching, my Climber!')
You can feel the air as it moves around and away from you and motion is made upwards.

The beginning of the climb is only a teasewhile the trust and the fire comes from somewhere at the beginning and in the ending of the exercise. The slip from a hold and the heart stopping feeling of "falling!" being shouted. I watch my climber without shifting my eyes away from the rope or from their positioning on the wall. I pray that the Belayer is doing the same for me. YES! The honored me by the simple fact that "GOT YOU!" comes up from the ground and I only dance down a few feet from where I was clinging to the small crevice of will and strength. Continuing on until I am reaching and pushing my muscles to touch, slap and laugh at the metal goal that sets into the wall and away from the solid form of the wall.
"TAKE!" I yell (meaning 'you have control of my body, my Belayer'.)
"GOT YOU, LOWERING!" I hear from far below (meaning 'I am guiding you safely back to me, my Climber'.)

To bounce upon the earth and watch the smiles of eyes that were aware of my every move.
Pleasure exudes outwardly with the knowledge that I am to be trusted to hold my partner as they dance upon the rope this time.

"CLIMBING!" says my Climber as they look into my eyes and then turn to face the wall.
"CLIMB ON!!" state I , the trusted Belayer moving in rhythm with the climb.



Circe

a generational thing

Life has passed on for my Great Uncle Jay Miller today.
He was about 95 ...or maybe 99. He was not one that I interacted much with in these later years but I did and do love him from my memories.
He was the youngest....and the last of the siblings to my grandmother that was alive.
He managed to bang himself up pretty good 3 years ago on an ATV...the last I saw was he had to be wheelchair bound from the injuries. HE never was one to sit still for long.

He had a wicked since of humor and eyes that lit up at any joke.

Rest easy from the old body, Uncle Jay.

Love you...

Circe

Careful what you write...it has an effect

How many times have you heard "be careful what you say because it may come back to haunt you" ?

Dang that happened just a few minutes ago.
Kinda ticks me off at myself cause I let it slip outta my mouth.

How many times do I need to tell myself " Ohmmmmm...think peaceful thoughts....OOOhhhmmmmm no stresss"
and then I get SUCKED back into the games of corporate structure of endless circle jerks.

*sigh*
Oh well...I am still human and I do get emotionally charged at times.

No comments from the peanut gallery, please.
Just realizing (again) that practicing a peaceful, flowing attitude is a continual awareness of where I am at mentally. I cannot control how my job is defined for me to do....but I hate screwing up something simple only because I am multitasking myself into a corner.
I REALLY wish the company would hire more people. In the long run I think this would be benefical not only to the company, but to the economics of our country

...and it will alleviate some of the dang stress that is building lke a volcano here.


This is just a short note to outpour a little bit of 'just small stuff' that feels HUGE at the moment.
I'll get over it...I always do.

SO..
What's next?

Coffee anyone?
Dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Could be both!

Thanks for reading and being there my friends...
Circe

Still wanting to ride....

and not just in dreams or thoughts.
Have you ever had the feeling that a MAJOR change in your life is coming and you wait and you wait and you try to guess where it is coming from?
Then BANG!
It arrives and you have NO damn clue what to do with it?

Well I am in that situation.

But I don't feel this need to run away from what ever it is that is coming.
I feel happy and at balance and curious and girly-girlish ( now THAT is a weird feeling for me) and EXCITED!
I wonder if it a high from riding my bike yesterday ;)
If it is...I love this kinda high better than the old life style! WAY BETTER!

I have a most wonderful time planned for this weekend. I am going to go spend it with a friend and do some exploring.
Maybe we will work in the yard...maybe fart around doing nothing. But I do plan on talking....lots of mind stimulating talking!
I love that. It feels good in my brain that is stuck with repeating thoughts at times of my job and dealing with frustrations from customers and engineers.

I plan on singing and hopping like a kid. I may even dance in the living room like a monkey (don't know what that is but I am willing to try it out!) and doesn't that sound like fun?

Gonna take my bikes also!
Maybe more wind baths are needed. OOOO I wonder if we have time to fly a kite?

The FEELING...and yes these are important to me...is that I feel safe and excited and curious and...and...and...just excited!

I am so looking forward to the weekend that I am rushing the week. LOL
Like that is something new.
But tonight I am home...Sharon got my hip back into place...and she bought Chinese from a BRAND NEW ACROSS THE STREET place named CWok.
Kinda catchy..and the FIRST tasting was pretty good.
The second and third time will tell for SURE!
Tomorrow night is CLIMBING!!!!
YIPEE!!!
Gosh I hope I have some climbing partner show up (ANTJE?????)...but if not...I'll just boulder around a bit.
Wednesday I am doing mosaic tables again at Absinthe Lounge. Fun teaching others what I have learned.
I guess I need to take a picture or two of what is completed now.

ANYWAY...just kinda bouncing around right now. Maybe a nice snuggle in the clean sheets and a book to read.
Yes Marty...I am STILL reading Zeke and Ned.
LOL

Love, hugs, and laughter to all!

Circe

Memory Lane

Today was AWESOME!
I have not been on a long bike ride in quite a while, due to knee injuries and then surgery, and today I rode 21 miles in a road rally.
It was the Tour de Peppermint. Held in South Lake, Texas.
I had done some growing up in that area in last of 8th grade and then through High School in Keller, Texas.

One of the things that I noted was how MUCH every thing has grown. The roads, for the most part, were much improved. The other thing was that the community had grown to a huge degree. What I remembered as being back roads and twisty hilly things were now populated with overly huge and expensive houses.

I think the best thing was the chance to remember riding my powder blue Schwinn Continental on those roads. Yes I had a car, too...and I did drive a lot on the roads there (including my first day of my Drivers Liscense and my subsequent wreck ... all on my 16th birthday) ...but the best times were walking, running, or riding my bike. It was a beautifully tree filled area with lots of fields and farms and sparse population. The bike rides were tedious at first...lots of hills and I was in NO condition to be driving them. At that time I was already leading a life of alcohol abuse (little known to my family) and some prescription medication misuse. LOTS of illnesses and emotional torture I was placing in my life even then.
The times that I chose to go walking or sitting in trees or riding my bike were times I was just feeling a different world around me.

Today during the ride, I found myself looking at those times. It held some fun in it...and lost feelings...and I even remembered MORE of the good times I had then I ever thought of as possible for me to think on. Early in the ride I ended up blowing a tire tube and Antje didn't hear me yell at her. This is when we got seperated. It was interesting at how I was analyzing riding positions of the bodies around me and how the sun was dancing through the clouds. Nice high sparse clouds. Like cotton sheet wisps that were becomming thread-bare and fading from view.... cool morning and bright.
I had seen my friend Chris at the start up ...Chris, Mike, and Brad
were signed up to ride the 100K. Antje and I were in the 20 Mile. The Guys were riding at a nice fast pace I guess... we all start at the same place, but there are turn offs for the different rides.
It took me about 10 minutes longer than Antje to do the ride. (Remember I blew a tire tube!) I finished in about 1 hour and 30 minutes. I haven't had the time or REAL desire to prepare for the ride so I was cold going into it.
I am VERY pleased at my ride and I didn't really want it to end yet.

I think that the opportunity that I was seperated from Antje allowed me to remember that I DID have a good time in Keller...not all bad. I am recalicent to remeber that I never felt like I 'fit in' while in Keller. I have rarely gone back.

Today was a revelation that I did fit in and that I did have some fun and laughter there...along with the chance for silence and doing my own thing like riding bikes.

I really love my life today.
Never been happier.

Is it possible to be happier?

We shall see what next developes with my life.

Tomorrow I am taking my roomie Sharon bike riding on some trails near here...off road :)

Whee!

Kisses to all tonight.
I am tired and need sleep.
If you don't believe me ...look at how I wrote this :)

Circe

As in silence the thoughts rain in

Out WAY to late last night.... but I would not have missed it for the world. Today? I am being lazy. I have a semi clean home and I am not worried about that. Not today. My truck is in the shop and I am not worried about that either. I am thinking in silence.

Silence...

I wonder how the silence is in my brain? The thoughts have emotions, sounds, and winds that make them swirl and dance along.
One of those rare times when I have NO sound going on around me.
The roomies are off doing their things...my Ms. Kali Cat is sleeping and so is Mr Buddly Lee Cat. I noticed that their fur is very 'plump' right now. Cold winter coming in. So soft and loving these two animals are. Kali still gets scared but is MUCH more social. Thank goodness...there are a lot of people in and out of this home.

My home is named Sanctuary. Rather fitting, isn't it?

My Children are well and happy taking care of their lives. My bestest friend is counting down his days to coming home from Korea to Texas ...and I miss him.
Tomorrow I am riding in a road rally. Totally unprepared but with the expectaion of being amoung the light and laughter of the day.
I have a new friend that I am enjoying tremendously. He is a great conversationalist and very cozy to be around.
HE is a little shy so I guess he gets bombarded with my antics quite a bit.
My sisters are doing well... my parents, my cousins, my friends...all seem to be going about in perfect harmony of their lives.
A blessed day this is.

At times I am amazed at how the patterns flow in life. Some say it is 'chance'. I think not. I know that what we believe as truth is created by the thought of the curious mind in the beginning stages of recognition.

I think therefore I am.

THAT is truth.
Simple
Wonderful
Perfect

My Roomie Bob showed me an article in the newspaper he found interesting.
It was about how Buddhist Monks were noted to have a different brain structure than other novices in the art of meditation.
When the influence of a COMPASSION meditation was recorded, the long practicing monks had a high (off the scale) reading of gamma waves...the functionality of the total brain was utilized. The novice monks brain waves were raised but still some warblings on the scales. The actual article is in the Wall Street Journal. Dated FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2004. Section B1. The section for "Health & Technology <> Media & Marketing". The SCIENCE JOURNAL by Sharon Beagley (you can write to her here: sciencejournal@wsj.com ) whos article is titled
"SCANS OF MONKS' BRAINS SHOWS MEDITATION ALTERS STRUCTURE, FUNCTIONING"

VERY worth the read.... and I enjoyed it... goes to verify what I think.
That all limitations of self can be superceeded by thought in a loving and compassionate way.

Share the wealth that is there my friends.
I don't like to always be in everybody's business (as Marty would say) but sometimes you are because you care so much. Sometimes it is best being an observer. The 'questions' get asked and I can then give an unbiased observation. You know that mental working I have done all these years is useful.

I have been told that I have many people that love me and enjoy being around me (from other observers I might add) and I do believe that.
I can feel it.
I know it as truth because I send the SAME thoughts out there to those people around me.

I have friends that are distant from me but I can close my eyes and think of them and send a heart-hug. Shortly afterwards... an email, a phone call, or a text message comes across the air 'waves' right back to me with the contacted ones stating "you were just in my thoughts and I wanted to say hello!".
Cool.
I get the same things sent to me.
It is wonderful to realize that the MOST important thing I can do for balance in my life is to take times of silence just for me. To heal myself. To find myself. To BE myself.
I am a rather busy person (my family will tell you of this) and I do not get to see everyone I love every moment of the day.
I love you all and there is SO many of you that my life is overflowing!

I would not wish it to be any other way at all. PLEASE understand this of me.

I do like my silent moments in the day. I can withdraw but I do it in silence.

My parents used to always ask..."Where is your head at, Circe?"
It may have been 'gone' cause I messed up in not doing what was expected of me. It may have been that I was reading to escape my family for a bit...to have an adventure that was totally mental. It may have been one of those moments that I took to see the bigger picture of the interaction of my choices with my physical world.
There were so many of those moments.
"Where is my head at?"
It is here....thinking...flowing...refreshed in the joy of thought. I can travel ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE all at small blips of time.
To see how my friends are doing...to see my children's sleeping faces...to the memories of my childhood adn events that I remember.
Of seeing my daddy walking down the dark steps of our home when I was almost 3. To pick me up because I fell down them ...again...in my long nightgown with me looking up at him. To see his little frustration lines around and in his eyes cause he's tired and I managed to crawl out (again) of my crib. But he picks me up and 'coo-ingly' says 'It's alright, Circe...Time for you to STAY in bed." and snuggles me as I am placed into my bed...again.
Remembering the sound of my momma singing and laughing almost all of my life. Odd moments of utter joy in her heart bursting out in song.
My sisters and I playing ( not always well together ) and odd moments of fierce protectiveness when 1 of us was picked on or injured or whatever was occuring.

I hold some deep memories and thoughts that I go through and remember of my beginnings of awareness.

I then start remembering all the patience and love I received that got me here ...now...thinking.

All the reading and the late, late, late night studies that no one was privvy to. The searching I did for understanding of my processes. The pains in thought that I could not drown out.

Today holds so much more for me.
The laughter, the fun, the LOVE is constant....The LIVING is always in flow.

Patience is a virtue...see what it has developed in me?

Love...
Simple...
Pure...
Perfect

Love, Laughter, and Light to all
and KNOW that you are in my heart.

Circe

November quote

"Most people give up just when they're about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game on foot from a winning touchdown." ~H Ross Perot~


Okay...I am NOT really into football quotes but it seemed to fit.
I find that I no longer just 'give up' and let the fun pass me by.
I have started creating my own fun in the odd moments of the day.
To laugh at nothing and at everything helps.
I don't do the stress thing anymore < okay try really hard not to>
because then I miss the fun in the day.
I really love where I am at.
I have some pretty diversely interested and interesting friends.

One of my absolute favorites to do is dance
any kind.
any time.
any place.
I even was walking across the street with a friend and started dancing around him with stars, from a decorators ribbon, sitting on my head like a crown.
He held my hand up in the air while I was being like a child and enjoying the moment.
Felt fun
felt lively
felt like I used to be when I would dance in the fields in Arkansas and in the fields around my home in Keller Texas.
Just to dance and feel the music pour from my soul. The wind was kinda heavy with the changes of weather...but it felt SO good being there at that moment.

I love Halloween. I like the feel of the season changing. The excitement of people choosing something different for them to wear than regular clothes.
The kids are so cute in choosing what they want to be and it is SO cool seeing parents letting them wear the costumes for a few extra days.

:)

Sometimes I just like to dressup anyway. It is fun and silly and sometimes sexy. Just to laugh is a treat that most people miss.
WAY to much serious dread around of late.
It is so hard to watch people that know to control another and their attitudes that are still getting stuck in the 'what should have been' instead of 'what is happening now'.

I really am happy in my life and choices.
It is so amazing to feel so relaxed.

I am running on in my words again...and that is fine.
This is my blog...
I'll do what I want.

Laughter all the way....

Kisses to all

Oh my, oh my.....

time is flying straight on by...
neither did it run away today
just the sun as it played in the field today
setting behind the clouds
hiding from my eyes
but not from my heart

sky light bright up in the clouds
dancing winds blowing as they will
tomorrow rains upon the earth
as nature lives on in never ending life
light is hiding in my eyes
and playing in my hands

it is a thought i had today
wanting more time and sitting still
time flew by so long lost now
and time is coming soon to be
curious i am at the queries i have
what if land was really the sea

time has rested in my mind
laughter in my heart
seeing all the children play
and feeling like i can fly



So...today it was thoughtful and full of words that I cannot make rhyme.
I talked with my mom today. It was a wonderful chat of my past and how I am today.
I think about my children and my life before today...all are great memories that will carry me on to the next thought.
Sounds a little weird doesn't it?
I do get stuck in my head at times. Even if I am in a crowded area I seem to always be thinking and looking for clues as to the next direction to go. There are a lot of things that I still wish to try and some things I have moved past.

I guess all in all I am just being me, past...present...and future unseen.
I love who I am and I try to be the best I can be each day. Sure there are faults that occur but that is how I learn to be better.

A message to my daughter.... learn not to be dependent on WHO likes you or is impressed by what you do or say.
YOU be impressed by who you are and your talents. To share those talents will be the best gift of your self to the world.
Over exaggeration is people pleasing.
I have dealt with, and sometimes STILL deal with, old routines and scripts of co dependency. The world seems to have that as a NEED as far a society goes.
There is wonderful talents in being self expressive and honest opinions.

I like looking through my eyes and heart at the world. It holds great beauty in everything.
I have lots of talents and lots of caring. The greatest gift is being happy with me.

A message to my son....life holds a lot of unexpected events. There are times that the surprises are not what you want to have, but we ALL set up the events in advance by choices we make in actions. Consequences are what comes from every choice we make. The ability to ask for insight and guidance when we are least willing to ask can make hard times a little clearer to be seen through. Family can help if even it is only listening to the frustrations.

Sometimes, my children, I feel like I did not teach you the right things. However, I taught you what I had to teach at the time. I know that your lives are very different than mine, but there are cross over similarities.
Always feel good about asking questions and asking for ideas to expand your own vision of your life.
Family will always be around for you to ask.
Family can help if you just talk and share what is going on.

Sometimes I think I do not do this to my best ability because I am usually 'way busy' and seem to always finding things to do.
I will tell you this though...I KNOW that when I pick up the phone or write a letter or walk up to my friends..that there are amazing pieces of information I can learn...all by talking.

This isn't meant as a lecture at all. It is a time that I felt I could write about things that have been in my mind. There are always times you can say
"Shu' up...my turn talk" just like Jason did at 3.

Love and kisses to all...
Light and laughter is wished even more.

Has it REALLY been 20 days?

Man! How time FLIES when there is fun to be had!
After the wedding there are ALL of these wonderful photos I keep receiving from friends and my baby sister, Jacque, gave us ALL a copy of a VHS of the wedding.
I cried while watching it and no one could see me do it!

I have been busy working. My day job has increased in some of the responsibilities. I keep thinking I am catching up and then it changes directions...so I try to multitask which NEVER really works.

I have backed off creating jewelry for a while. I have a few repairs to do... I would REALLY like to make a piece for me to enjoy wearing.

As most of you know...I recently celebrated my 45th birthday!
I have been SO spoiled by my friends and family!
I love getting flowers and received 2 WONDERFUL arrangements!
Mark Menowsky sent 4 roses of different colors and related how the colors represented different emotions. Very touching.
Amanda did the arrangement at her work in Whole Foods Market and ALSO gave me an arrangement of Orchids that are dyed a brilliant blue with purple centers....and there were 7 purple Dutch Irises included! BEAUTIFUL!
I received several cards that will stay up until the end of the month...as they should.
My son sang to me as did my friends and family. Unfortunately I had left my cell phone with my girlfriend Janelle!
Poor Janelle and her family got to hear my phone ring ALL NIGHT with the TRADITION of "who can call first after midnight!" :)
She didn't know how to turn off my phone ;)
LOL
I do get great enjoyment at knowing I was so well thought of that there were SO many calls.... hehehe. Payback is a bit hard to deal with at times...I lucked out this year! My girlfriend Antje gave me some very nice hiking boots so that I don't mess up my ankles anymore whie hiking and a beautiful skirt and a much needed running shirt! My dad and stepmom sent me a gift that was TOTALLY unexpected!
Thanks so much! I really had no expectation of a gift.
My daughter took me out for coffee also.
I had another girlfriend and her family cook me dinner, too. They sent me home with a Movie Gift and popcorn!
Oh I LOVE popcorn....
Bob, Sharon and Kassy tell me I have a raincheck for my birthday dinner with them.

I did go camping on the weekend of October 15th. Bob, Sharon, and little Miss Paige and I traveled to Palo Dura Canyon state park. My friend Red Spicer is the race director for a 20k, 50k, and 50 mile trail race. I could not run this year but will try for it next year!
My friends Lisa and Jeff did well in the race! I volunteered this year at the Two Moons aid station.
Paige got to ride her bike a lot and see a lot of things in the USA's 2nd largest Canyon. Palo Dura is BEAUTIFUL!
I have loads of pictures that I will be uploading a photo link to soon.

Well...soon is relative anyway.

I had a birthday cake given to me while we were camping...and I ALMOST broke my leg jumping out of my truck bed cause Bob was hollering at me to "MY GOD CIRCE! THE FIRE!
COME QUICK!"
I got there and everyone is smiling at me and start to sing Happy Birthday!

SO awesome!

I have a night job helping to great guests and check ID's at a friends club on some weekends. Then there is the NEW thing I am doing :)
Always something, isn't it?
There is a new establishment that my friends Kevin and Janelle are opening up called Absinthe Lounge. I am making mosaic tables for the bar. I will be going down on Wednesday nights and holding a community effort to involve the local artist in making some of the tables to. The Bar is decorated in Art nouveau style of 1910-20 and modern today fittings.
I really find that it is a very comfortable place to get to work with Artists. I hope of few of my friends will be willing to come and visit and maybe work on the table some! I actually have made a custom necklace for their grand opening.

I have ridden my bike a little. Not near as much as I wish I did.
I haven't been rock climbing in almost 2 months!

I plan on rectifying that on THURSDAY when my friend Cecil arrives from out of town and.
I talk with Marty a lot and he is doing really well!
He is counting down to his coming home too!

I have had another woman friend and her boyfriend do well after he donated a kidney to her. AWESOME!

Lots to write about and the discovery that there is too much to tell when doing this so sporadically.

I stay busy because I have discovered I have a LOT of very valuable friends. I am learning a lot of new things about myself too.
I can truly say I am HAPPY. Really happy at just being me.

I will write more later... It is WAY past bedtime!

kisses to all... and enlightening dreams.

2 days after THE event

It is completed. Wonderful, magical, ethereal, serene, and spiritual. So many words cannot describe the feeling that I had about my daughter and Son-in-laws wedding.
I am SO happy that the event of her life (so far mind you) is completed. It was stressful at times only because I wanted to do more for them. There were many friends and family that graced us with their laughter, their 'ooohhhsss' and 'aaahhhsss', the hugs and kisses, and the warmth of smiling faces.
There is this overall tiredness at the moment...and a fun recognition of having to change all my info on Amanda to have her new last name instead of her 'maiden' name.
Wow....what a trip.
I can appreciate the effort that goes into planning a wedding. I watched my daughter tackle something she had never done before and the addition of items that were used in the ceremony and reception are used to enhance her home. Waste not want not.

I am REALLY glad it is over. I can start having my life of activities again!

I am really glad I have only the ONE daughter. My Son will receive equal time investment also when he chooses to share his life with a woman. I cannot do less.

I have come to realize that there are times that I may act a little inappropriately, but I am just being me. Whole heartedly me. I find I held no anger nor judgment about the whole affair. It may have sounded, at times, that I did. I was trying to think of all the 'traditional' stuff...and I never even went through this kinda thing!
I was married at the JP. That was fine.
No big deal. The only stress I had was if I was going to freak out and run when the words " Do you take..." ended up with a "NO!" answer from either of us. It happened however with yes on both sides.
Stephen looked SO proud walking Amanda down the aisle. I told him as I handed Amanda to him, just before I came down the aisle to sit in my 'mother place', that he and Amanda looked very beautiful and regal in the situation. I actually was told that I also looked beautiful. I know I saw a tear in his eye as he looked at our daughter. It was the SAME look he had in his eye when he first saw her and held her in his hands at her birth. Wonderment and awe. Stephen and I produced wonderful children together. They are both kind hearted and independent. Intelligence runs in both their brains and stubbornness in their wills. They are very creative in each of their talents. They are both wonderful conversationalist in their own fields.

Can you tell that I am PROUD of my children?

Hmm...
okay, enough.
This is supposed to be a journal for ME.
and the next subjects I write will be for sure.
Right now I am basking in the afterglow....

Into each others eyes....

I am creating a WEDLOG...a blog of my Daughters' wedding on Oct 3, 2004. Please visit the link "Into each others eyes..."
Thanks....

This is a picture that my dad took as the Bride and Groom took off from the reception. I will tell you this...there was happiness in everyones eyes at this marriage!

Picture by Jack and MaryLou Adney 

A night feeling...

Tis quiet in the air this night
Thick with change
and the clouds that breath close to the ground

The sound of the creatures
Humming and conversation flowing
all between the natures of life

Moon, she dances slowly in her rotation
Silken veils of stars that swirl
while all is in motion in distances beyond sight

I stand still just to feel
Peaceful, not moving,
just to breath in my life

Dreams will come with this night
Leading me to those I love
counting on the hearts that feel my pleasure

Tis quiet in the air this night
Lightened by my changes
and the clouds lifting as they breath towards the sky


Circe

(I bet you didn't know I wrote poetry!)


It is amazing what you experience when staying up WAY to late at night.

and remember this....

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways, cigar in one hand, favorite beverage in the other,
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming
"WOO WOO!! - What a Ride!"

Down to the wire

It is late Thursday evening. ALMOST Friday.
Went and bought a few more things for the wedding today. Tomorrow is the shopping with the caterer and then doing some bird seed bags.
My son, Jason, will arrive to spend the weekend too!
YIPEE!!!!
Amanda is coming here after dinner with the FUTURE in laws and then to help with a few things here.
Gotta take a beautiful wedding dress to the cleaners and have it pressed, find a bra I can wear with my dress...dang it...and then paint my nails for the wedding.
Saturday is the mad rush to check the finals on the cake by Francisco Teng, do Amanda's and the girls nails, visit-laugh-talk with all the kids...and then sleep.

I am thrilled that it is to be cool weather here for the wedding day.
74 degrees!
The leaves are turning colors now.
I hope to have pictures of the girls and will post them, as silly as they may be, for all to see the fun!

I am so happy that this day is something I will never forget.
To see the hapiness in my daughters eyes is truly wonderful.

Her dad, Stephen, is making the wedding rings for Amanda and Jordan.
They will be stunning as he is the best jeweler I know of in Dallas. A very talented man.

Looking forward to time to write it all down...later when it is quiet.

G'night my family and friends.
Peaceful and Enlightening dreams to you all.