weather 013

Amanda and Jordan had hail in austin last night!

school days school days

Life is gonna get really timed up soon.
literally
Work is from 8 am-5 pm Monday through Friday.
Class starts at 6 pm and ends at 10 PM Monday through Friday.
homework is somewhere around those and on call phone for work and sleeping and Jambalaya time.

See what I mean?

No more Text messages on my cell. I discontinued it.

boundaries

even something as courteous as a "please" makes a huge difference with me. I smile and say hello with a smile to almost everyone I see. The ones I miss are because I am actively searching for something.
I also find that it is increasingly difficult to even have the time available to do what I need to do, then attempt to do something I want.

Not impatience, my dearest Marty, but actual time constraints.

I know animals take up lots of time. They are child like responsibilities. I also have the responsibility to myself to doing things that are healthy. I have responsibilities of school and paying for it along with wonderful gifts of friends and family support for my efforts.

I don't go out any more. I mean in doing events with acquaintances or dating someone. These are almost beginning to feel like intrusions. I know it sounds weird but it is only the 'feeling' in my body that I am dealing with right now.

I do not assume someone is going to be there (to help in listening to woes , doing things with me or telling me when I am being an ass) but it is nice to be able to ask if someone is willing to take time for me.

THAT is what my rant about time was for.
I am getting to the point that if you don't really want to engage your time or mental thoughts with me..... don't bother searching for me later.

I find the 4 walls I have here rather boring. I enjoy the mind and processing how I can improve on my reactions to emotional reactions is helpful but still rather just "alone". I have been seeing a lot more people of late. The ones that even if I don't talk to them for a while (2-3 months>) all of the sudden contact me....as long as I am not feeling pressured by them for an account of what is happening... I see to do great with!

I am only on a rant and wondering why the heck I am withdrawing so strongly.
I know I have changed a lot mentally and emotionally, recent events had a lot to do with it, but it is time to locate friends to go and do things with.

Do not look for me to sacrifice my time anymore.

I am important to me.

pajama day

enough said.

things that make me go "Hmmmm...."

Some days, you can't help but wonder.

I notice I react oddly to being controlled. Sometimes even thinking I am being maneuvered into a situation I do not want to be in can cause excessive anger.

What is up with that? When did I stop giving the benefit of a doubt? I used to 'allow' emotions to wash on by. Not now. I seem to be unable to stop getting angry. I feel used... not sure where the hell it comes from but MAN it makes me pissy. Dreams are even turmoil-ish and I flip over a lot in bed. Can't stand covers on me cause the covers seem to feel like I am held down in my sleep.
Poor Jambalaya won't even pop up onto the bed with me anymore.

So dreams are the subconsciousness working things out. I felt 'tested' all night.
My neck hurts. Stubbornness? What am I being stubborn about?

I want a good nights sleep.

going back and forth

I truly LOVE Austin.
I don't even mind the drive down all alone ....most the time.
Jambalaya always goes with me so it makes it nice... he makes me stop at least once to get out and stretch his legs...pee...bark...and then get on the road. He knows the name of Zephyr and Trouble which excites him unbelievably!

It has been awesome riding down with Toni and Steve but that means I can't take Jambalaya because when we do THAT trip...Zephyr comes back with us and there is no room in my big ol' truck for 4 and a dog.
Besides... I think Jamba drollong everywhere kinda makes Toni uncomfortable. I don't blame her a bit!

Last trip to Austin was this past weekend. Checking in on my daughter and the recent miscarriage (subtle checking don't ya know). I took the massage table with me since the kids have not had a massage since they moved to Austin over a year ago.
:) They liked the massages :)

We went out to eat on Sunday to Joe's Crab Shack. Z got to tast some shrimp and scallops, fries and a little fried fish.
He had some of Amanda's garlic and parmesan cheese shrimp..... and I think he tasted some of Jordan's food too! Not remembering what Jordan had at all at this time :) Oh well!
So this means: upset tummy for Z.
Sad to say the little one also had an issue with diaper rash because of the upset tummy.....
Poor Jordan.

Amanda tells me he has washed EVERYTHING in the house a few times now.... Zephyr is (I guess) is now potty training ;)

poor Jordan......
and Poor Zephyr!