It's silent in my home tonight

It is nice having family members over. Even if it is roommates families! I thoroughly enjoyed Marty's children being here tonight and sharing fine dining served with extra helping of laughter!
I like having my friends over, too. This morning Kassy came with Lox and bagels! My niece, Chandra, came by today also and gave me a massage. Nice being on the receiving end. She did a great job. Dan and Jackie came by yesterday after work. I went and ate diner with them at Bennigans. Nice treat! Today has been a good day. I felt more "moved in" after emptying some boxes and making the home feel more settled.
Tomorrow I go to work. Looking forward to it actually. This week I have a lot to learn and think on. Changes in the work environment mean that I need to have some more detailing skills. Learning the product can be hard when you don't know what it really does.
A lot more software issues than hardware.
I had fun cleaning the house and unpacking. I like my bedroom the most. It feels interesting and fun. Actually the house has many styles mixed in.
The front are is what we call the Quiet Room. Books..computers..painting gear in a cabinet ready to be set out... a futon for great naps (according to Marty)..and a rocking chair...with the oriental flavor highlighting the calm.
The Family Room is warm and cozy. Mixed furniture that gives it sort of a French Country feel. The entry way is almost like those little cottage in the meadow mud room. Kitchen is a mixture of 1960 stove mixed with a granite look laminate (looks nice really) and a soft stone tile.
This is coupled with furniture that is sort of eclectic. Bright colors in painted accents of flowers and wood that is designed to look abused but warm with the sunset. Marty's bedroom is cozy and sparse all at the same time. Lots of pictures of the children! A softness that isn't feminine but holds gentleness in it. It is kinda feminine in the dressing area. Pink Rosebuds. Lots of tiny Rosebuds. =) Marty is very masculine and hopes that the recognition is gained that perhaps these feminine characters he spends his time with enjoy the comforts of a rare openness.
Tracey's room is astute. It is eclectic in colors of rich jewel tones with earthy colored paintings.
She is also a rather talented artist. Her collection of Buddahs is pleasing!
The bathroom Tracy and I share if white REAL MARBLE floors. Softly worn to a fuzzy warmth. The color accents are jewel tones again. The size of the stone top cabinet in soft creams and tans mixes well with the idea of hidden jewels in the earth. Earthy candles are used on mirrors made of tiny tiles.
My room is truly reflecting me. It is the first time for me to have dark walls, It has a flavor of richness in earth tones and Burgundy cushioning. It has an old fashioned rug on the wood floors that are a warm darkened oak. LOTS of pictures! Room to set up my table for massages. It is cozy and has adventure to it. More of my character is showing the dark romanticism. ;)
All is very cozy and delightful here.
Soon I will have pictures!

Loads of fun!

Okay so my roommate Marty is right. I like to gather.
I don't have to bring anything home either!
I like to window shop and try on different things (Attitudes are enhanced during those times) to see what 'fits'.

The new home is cozy and relaxed. I have started discovering more about me that I really like! My bedroom is far different than it has ever been and I love the way it feels!
I like hardwood floors very much. The walls are sort of the color chocolate plum. It isn't as dark as it sounds and looks GREAT with the maroon jacquered curtains. I added dark sage green silkies and topped with a translucent maroon sheer.
Very rich looking!
I found a cotton velvet bedskirt CHEAP! THen added those bed raisers. So my bed is up high like Marty's now!
I feel like I am elegant while purched atop my pilows and cozy sheepskin.

=)

I like it very much!

By, George! I think I've got it!

Wonder where the hell I put it though?!

That is a good surmise of where my mental state is at. I think I know things at work in how to do my job...and then there is SO MUCH to learn!

Nothing feels emotionally stable right now. I love roller coasters and the rush. Not this though. I judge myself to often and then have to withdraw to weigh out my decisions.
I want to help others...but where is the time to help myself?
I am ACTIVELY seeking a massage from someone. I think I may have a couple of options. Yassi was recommended by my friend Janelle. She is a yoga instructor too.
Then there is Bob who will arrive from out of the country in the next week.
I have options...but where is the TIME!!!!
So I have had to back off of some of the massages with the OT that I have at work right now.

I had a nice surprise today though. One of the co-workers I have stopped and worked on a really sore shoulder knot.
PURE heaven.
Thank you Dan R. (He like the name DR. Dan!)
I want to be better physically. Not sure how I got to be so "couchy" of late. I look so forward to the Spring. Bike riding and outdoor climbing! Hiking, camping, and BURNING MAN!!!
Oh yeah!
My tickets arrived for Burning Man.
Very awesome.
A true gift. An experience for me to grow through.

Just to not having to think out solutions and routines. A time to come for seeing art, creating art, and living in art.
I am totally excited!

So far...it's a great life.

Thank you to my parents for being in the life they have so that I could join in on the fun.

Circe

Whither thou come or stay

Thinking again about my place in life. I wonder how I would have been different in my life if I had chosen opposite of what I wanted.
Giving care and concern for another's well being can take a toll on ones own self. I so rarely take the time to be still. I am in a home that I truly enjoy the warmth of. It has peace and thought in it. Another Sanctuary but this home holds peace of mind.
It is soothing having a back yard to sit and look at. The trees dripping with golden and green energy of life. Rain cascading over items seeking the earth below. Seasons have a way of making me introspective. The changes do at least.
I have curiosity about how my children have taken the unknowing lessons that I taught them.
Was it the right thing? I do not know but I care. I have concerns that sometimes my unwillingness to work within society rules (God help me if I do :) I like using my brain and wit.) I always seem to buck the system somehow hoping for open awareness for needs and appropriate action to be lenient.
A wake up call I guess. "Hey! Did you think of this?"

I care that my children (including my niece as my own child) think about their choices openly and honestly with themselves. I weight too many decisions and reactions by who is involved.

Rarely have I been selfish enough to not care what the outcome could be. It has happened 3 times in my life.

46 years is a good length of time to get to know ones thought patterns. I have the belief that the Psychologist of the world are a lot like I am. Curious as to how a thought pattern developed. What are the underlying lessons and exposures to emotions? Why do we try to fix each other?

I am having fun with my life. I am not here to fix anyone but my own emotionally reactionary self.

I choose who I am and how I want to be each waking second and each dreaming moment becomes the formation of myself.

I like the dreams I have right now.

Travel

Love

Grandchildren

My Children enjoying their own adventures.

Circe

Chris Bliss

When Balls Fly...

*sigh

Confused?

So am I!
I normally have NO issue with being at work. I dislike it when I start arriving BARELY in time or (even worse) late. I need an adjustment in mental balance. I have started to realize how disjointed I have become in my relationship with my health.

Time
Sleep
Activities

I miss all of those.

I have a few friends (okay most of them) that are concerned at how busy I am. I never seem to stop. I understand their concern tremendously. So I'm having to lay down time rules.
Maybe the better sleep will help me keep my mental sharp.

So ... with that.

Good night!
**Kisses**

Talking it out

There are times that you just kinda unload your worry. Not to have someone take over the burden, but perhaps give you a chance to see a new way of understanding the physics of whatever is your burden. That enables me to get a chance of verbalizing of emotional reactions.

In shorter terms... I talked while a friend listened :)

Psychology and validation sometimes are my enemies. =)
I have had several friends and family state that I think to much. I do agree. It is what makes it hard for me to sleep at night. Something my momma goes through. Thinking on a consistent basis. I think my sisters do it too.

I like to think and curious by nature makes me a learner in most skills I attempt. I may not do things to beyond satisfactory skills, but I try it all.

I am kinda rambling tonight. I got a sunburn on my face and neck. I had a blast at St. Patrick's Day on Greenville Parade. I actually took the entire weekend off. Had to. Been on the go for so long that to just rest in my home with peace and quiet is a true delight.
I look forward to having a nice yard a area to have many friends come and join us.

Soon.

A house warming party is in the plans!

See what I mean about thinking? I think I will enjoy just sleeping tonight.

Pleasantly.

Ever have that 'hunger'?

IT is like I need to be fed. In heart, mind, and soul. I see this banquet before me with all types of delightful flavorings and colors. Yet the one thing I want is not ready to be served just yet. It is still in the final cooking stages. I don't know how long or at what temp it needs to be cooked at. I know it will taste fabulous at the time of receiving.
It takes many ingredients and patience to mix it all in at the appropriate time.

Or is this a dream time.

Making reality sorta weird in needing to be patient. This I have discovered I am NOT good at with things in regard to my wants/needs/cravings.

I am not the only chef nor the recipe sorter.

It is rising at the moment in my wonderful thought processes and it sits sweetly in my mind for WHEN I get my tasty well deserved treat.

Dessert....ain't NOTHING like it~

Circe

Perception in My Life

I look above my rooftop and see the quarter moon framed by a satellite dish. This rests in front of a warm brick chimney that has a huge metallic array of limbs that reach for other night viewed objects. Grasping at the ends and causing a believe of metallic optics that shine with past life.

It is a weird E.T. type of moment.

I think a lot about what it is I am and what I will into my life. Choices are wonderful gifts. I have so much in my life that gives me pleasure. Love of friends, my family, and the wonderful interactions of both. My life at times is so very busy. I feel validated by it however. I have the choice to name my 'plan' that seems so totally impotent at times.
I only have one plan.
That is to learn.
I don't really care what I learn as long as I continue to expand mentally and emotionally. Sometimes the two really have a hard battle in finding balance within my mind.

I can honestly say I am happy. That also allows me to at times feel overwhelmed emotionally.
I find that the order that is necessary for my job means I go to extremes when emotionally exhibiting my exuberance in life. I care for so many people in my heart.

Stephen, you were right. I never really let you know who I was. I regret this deeply. I don;t think it would have changed things, but perhaps it would have been less confusing in my methods.

A lot of learning these past 11 years.
Yep, Kids...11 years.
I think I am finally not afraid to express how I feel about someone. I have noticed that the range of emotions is wide though.
Time to learn more in definition of my true characteristics,
Understanding of why I choice the way I do. Not just to give defined antidotes, just a way to find HOW I FEEL about me!

I am pleased at where I am now. I look forward to moving up from this, too.

Interesting at what the mind takes and runs with when looking at the technology of framing nature.

Circe

The color of my heart

Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out. When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life. Your flirting style: Laid back Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm What you bring to relationships: Balance

Kinda cute I thought.

I think though that my heart has many colors. Some parts were crayons and paper mache.
Some other parts have the colors that came from my friends sharing their hearts with me!
I even have a few colors all my own. Some colors are from the bruises and new growth from heartbreaks. Some are parts are colored intensely vibrant colors from my joys.

All in all a heart is for sharing. Something I am having a time doing. It has hurt from my other experience but then again, that was what I expected. I set up all my lessons and expressions.
I like Rainbows....so many colors. Not just the basics but the subtle details of the blended lines.
All are wonderfully colored gifts right now.
Even if I also hurt.

Circe

Where to be

Silently I lay upon the earth
Sky viewed through branches
naked except for budding new growth
Clouds passing overhead
One lone brown leaf
dancing on a thread through fine air
Feeling the stillness and caress of a soft breeze
Resting my heart and mind
waiting until the time the leaf lets go
dancing down with grace as the moon kisses from above

Ahhhh.....

I am home tonight.
There are lots of thoughts going on in my heart of late.
The wonder of the new house and the comfort here...very different from the condo...my Sanctuary. That was the name of the condo. It was far away from all I knew. I do not know that this place has a name...but it has heart. LOTS of it!

My truck is soon to be replaced. Cannot see rebuilding a transmission for it.
Marty says he will help me look for a different car.
I could just make the payments on the loan for the truck and then purchase a used car....but I do not want to do that. I like my Sport Trac. It suits me. It takes me places and carries my gear and friends.
I have some money from the sale of the condo. I feel like I need to hang onto it...even though I REALLY want a hot tub!
Eventually I will get one. I have been at my new job for 90 days. It is a good diverse high paced and sometimes frustrating job. The guys are great though.

I also find myself contemplating love.

Why is it that the need to be with someone is so recognized in women my age? I am fine on my own (with roommates of course) and I feel like I am loved.
But why does it get to be that I want to be selfish?
I am not one to possess someone...but to enjoy sharing life. I see so many of my friends right now that are having relationship issues. Frustrations and trying to prove points.
Scary to me. I think that living with someone you would get to enjoy the fine differences of personality. I think that it may be that some have just grown apart due to interests or lazy behavior.

I enjoy loving. I enjoy sharing. I want this... and more... to continue to grow in my life.

Have you ever done things for excitement that were dangerous?
Loving sometimes is like that for me.
Dangerous
I sometimes truly fear it. Fear the getting lost.

My children always know how to find me...I don't get lost from them. My bestest friend Marty always knows how to find me too.

I hope my Love will also.

Circe