my desk is
CLEAN
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Talking with my Daddy
I just got off the phone with my Daddy. Yes...I will always call him Daddy.
It was an interesting conversation. It dealt more along the lines of him mentioning for me to remember things we did as kids. I mentioned also about my perceptions of my kids.
I understand Daddy. I just don't really know how to SAY the words. I want you to know that I understand we have different perceptions of events. I am not trying to convince you to" see it my way " or any other way than what happened.
It just happens that because two people were involved in an event that there are two perceptions.
You see Daddy... when you become adamant on a subject I feel like you are trying to argue with me. I don't react well to raised voices.
I do not argue.
I will shut up and stubbornly take my ideas away with me.
Daddy, I loved that you called to talk to me.
I really do have to go to bed.
I wanted you to know in front of EVERYONE (that takes time to read this blog) that I really LOVE you just for who you are.
I hope you DO get to live to be 130 or so.
There is much to see here on earth and more to come in the future.
I am pleased you are my Daddy.
I am also proud as daylight to be your daughter, your first born, and to see you become a Great Grandfather is quite the joy!
I still remember Mammy.
YOU are quite young to be a Great Grandfather.
All of the parents are really quite young! Guess it was a great tradition you and Momma started almost 47 years ago.
It is a continued joy to be able to learn from you and talk to you, Daddy.
Feel free to call anytime you want to chat.
I will take time for you.
Kisses and Lots of Love,
Circe Rexene
It was an interesting conversation. It dealt more along the lines of him mentioning for me to remember things we did as kids. I mentioned also about my perceptions of my kids.
I understand Daddy. I just don't really know how to SAY the words. I want you to know that I understand we have different perceptions of events. I am not trying to convince you to" see it my way " or any other way than what happened.
It just happens that because two people were involved in an event that there are two perceptions.
You see Daddy... when you become adamant on a subject I feel like you are trying to argue with me. I don't react well to raised voices.
I do not argue.
I will shut up and stubbornly take my ideas away with me.
Daddy, I loved that you called to talk to me.
I really do have to go to bed.
I wanted you to know in front of EVERYONE (that takes time to read this blog) that I really LOVE you just for who you are.
I hope you DO get to live to be 130 or so.
There is much to see here on earth and more to come in the future.
I am pleased you are my Daddy.
I am also proud as daylight to be your daughter, your first born, and to see you become a Great Grandfather is quite the joy!
I still remember Mammy.
YOU are quite young to be a Great Grandfather.
All of the parents are really quite young! Guess it was a great tradition you and Momma started almost 47 years ago.
It is a continued joy to be able to learn from you and talk to you, Daddy.
Feel free to call anytime you want to chat.
I will take time for you.
Kisses and Lots of Love,
Circe Rexene
May we all have this outlook on life!
A fabulous story ... When you have time it's well worth taking a few minutes to read.
Thanks to my stepmother for sending it. =)
The Secret For a Long Life
My father never drove a car.
Well, that's not quite right.
I should say I never saw him drive a car. He quit driving in 1927, when he was 25 years old, and the last car he drove was a 1926 Whippet.
"In those days," he told me when he was in his 90s, "to drive a car you had to do things with your hands, and do things with your feet, and look every which way, and I decided you could walk through life and enjoy it or drive through life and miss it."
At which point my mother, a sometimes salty Irishwoman, chimed in:
"Oh, bull----!" she said. "He hit a horse."
"Well," my father said, "there was that, too."
So my brother and I grew up in a household without a car. The neighbors all had cars -- the Kollingses next door had a green 1941 Dodge, the VanLaninghams across the street a gray 1936 Plymouth, the Hopsons two doors down a black 1941 Ford -- but we had none.
My father, a newspaperman in Des Moines, would take the streetcar to work and, often as not, walk the 3 miles home. If he took the streetcar home, my mother and brother and I would walk the three blocks to the streetcar stop, meet him and walk home together.
My brother, David, was born in 1935, and I was born in 1938, and sometimes, at dinner, we'd ask how come all the neighbors had cars but we had none.
"No one in the family drives," my mother would explain, and that was that.
But, sometimes, my father would say, "But as soon as one of you boys turns 16, we'll get one."
It was as if he wasn't sure which one of us would turn 16 first.
But, sure enough, my brother turned 16 before I did, so in 1951 my parents bought a used 1950 Chevrolet from a friend who ran the parts department at a Chevy dealership downtown. It was a four- door, white model, stick shift, fender skirts, loaded with everything, and, since my parents didn't drive, it more or less became my brother's car.
Having a car but not being able to drive didn't bother my father, but
it didn't make sense to my mother. So in 1952, when she was 43 years
old, she asked a friend to teach her to drive. She learned in a nearby
cemetery, the place where I learned to drive the following year and
where, a generation later, I took my two sons to practice driving.
The cemetery probably was my father's idea. "Who can your mother hurt
in the cemetery?" I remember him saying once.
For the next 45 years or so, until she was 90, my mother was the driver
in the family. Neither she nor my father had any sense of direction,
but he loaded up on maps -- though they seldom left the city limits --
and appointed himself navigator. It seemed to work.
Still, they both continued to walk a lot. My mother was a devout
Catholic, and my father an equally devout agnostic, an arrangement that
didn't seem to bother either of them through their 75 years of marriage
(Yes, 75 years, and they were deeply in love the entire time.) He
retired when he was 70, and nearly every morning for the next 20 years
or so, he would walk with her the mile to St. Augustine's Church. She
would walk down and sit in the front pew, and he would wait in the back
until he saw which of the parish's two priests was on duty that morning.
If it was the pastor, my father then would go out and take a 2-mile
walk, meeting my mother at the end of the service and walking her home.
If it was the assistant pastor, he'd take just a 1-mile walk and then
head back to the church He called the priests "Father Fast" and "Father
Slow."
After he retired, my father almost always accompanied my mother
whenever she drove anywhere, even if he had no reason to go along. If
she were going to the beauty parlor, he'd sit in the car and read, or
go take a stroll or, if it was summer, have her keep the engine running so
he could listen to the Cubs game on the radio. (In the evening, then, when I'd
stop by, he'd explain: "The Cubs lost again. The millionaire on second
base made a bad throw to the millionaire on first base, so the
multimillionaire on third base scored.") If she were going to the
grocery store, he would go along to carry the bags out -- and to make sure
she loaded up on ice cream.
As I said, he was always the navigator, and once, when he was 95 and
she was 88 and still driving, he said to me, "Do you want to know the
secret of a long life?" "I guess so," I said, knowing it probably would
be something bizarre.
"No left turns," he said.
"What?" I asked.
"No left turns," he repeated. "Several years ago, your mother and I
read an article that said most accidents that old people are in happen
when they turn left in front of oncoming traffic. As you get older,
your eyesight worsens, and you can lose your depth perception, it said.
So your mother and I decided never again to make a left turn."
"What?" I said again.
"No left turns," he said. "Think about it. Three rights are the same
as a left, and that's a lot safer. So we always make three rights."
"You're kidding!" I said, and I turned to my mother for support.
"No," she said, "your father is right. We make three rights. It works."
But then she added: "Except when your father loses count."
I was driving at the time, and I almost drove off the road as I started
laughing. "Loses count?" I asked.
"Yes," my father admitted, "that sometimes happens. But it's not a problem.
You just make seven rights, and you're okay again."
I couldn't resist. "Do you ever go for 11?" I asked.
"No," he said. "If we miss it at seven, we just come home and call it a
bad day. Besides, nothing in life is so important it can't be put off
another day or another week."
My mother was never in an accident, but one evening she handed me her
car keys and said she had decided to quit driving. That was in 1999,
when she was 90. She lived four more years, until 2003. My father died
the next year, at 102.
They both died in the bungalow they had moved into in 1937 and bought a
few years later for $3,000. (Sixty years later, my brother and I paid
$8,000 to have a shower put in the tiny bathroom -- the house had never
had one. My father would have died then and there if he knew the shower
cost nearly three times what he paid for the house.)
He continued to walk daily -- he had me get him a treadmill when he was
101 because he was afraid he'd fall on the icy sidewalks but wanted to
keep exercising -- and he was of sound mind and sound body until the
moment he died.
One September afternoon in 2004, he and my son went with me when I had
to give a talk in a neighboring town, and it was clear to all three of
us that he was wearing out, though we had the usual wide-ranging
conversation about politics and newspapers and things in the news.
A few weeks earlier, he had told my son, "You know, Mike, the first
hundred years are a lot easier than the second hundred."
At one point in our drive that Saturday, he said, "You know, I'm
probably not going to live much longer."
"You're probably right," I said.
"Why would you say that?" He countered, somewhat irritated.
"Because you're 102 years old," I said. "Yes," he said, "you're right."
He stayed in bed all the next day.
That night, I suggested to my son and daughter that we sit up with him
through the night. He appreciated it, he said, though at one point,
apparently seeing us look gloomy, he said: "I would like to make an
announcement. No one in this room is dead yet."
An hour or so later, he spoke his last words: "I want you to know," he
said, clearly and lucidly, "that I am in no pain. I am very comfortable.
And I have had as happy a life as anyone on this earth could ever have."
A short time later, he died.
I miss him a lot, and I think about him a lot. I've wondered now and
then how it was that my family and I were so lucky that he lived so
long. I can't figure out if it was because he walked through life ...
Or because he quit taking left turns.
(Michael Gartner has been editor of newspapers large and small and
president of NBC News. In 1997, he won the Pulitzer Prize for editorial
writing .)
Thanks to my stepmother for sending it. =)
The Secret For a Long Life
My father never drove a car.
Well, that's not quite right.
I should say I never saw him drive a car. He quit driving in 1927, when he was 25 years old, and the last car he drove was a 1926 Whippet.
"In those days," he told me when he was in his 90s, "to drive a car you had to do things with your hands, and do things with your feet, and look every which way, and I decided you could walk through life and enjoy it or drive through life and miss it."
At which point my mother, a sometimes salty Irishwoman, chimed in:
"Oh, bull----!" she said. "He hit a horse."
"Well," my father said, "there was that, too."
So my brother and I grew up in a household without a car. The neighbors all had cars -- the Kollingses next door had a green 1941 Dodge, the VanLaninghams across the street a gray 1936 Plymouth, the Hopsons two doors down a black 1941 Ford -- but we had none.
My father, a newspaperman in Des Moines, would take the streetcar to work and, often as not, walk the 3 miles home. If he took the streetcar home, my mother and brother and I would walk the three blocks to the streetcar stop, meet him and walk home together.
My brother, David, was born in 1935, and I was born in 1938, and sometimes, at dinner, we'd ask how come all the neighbors had cars but we had none.
"No one in the family drives," my mother would explain, and that was that.
But, sometimes, my father would say, "But as soon as one of you boys turns 16, we'll get one."
It was as if he wasn't sure which one of us would turn 16 first.
But, sure enough, my brother turned 16 before I did, so in 1951 my parents bought a used 1950 Chevrolet from a friend who ran the parts department at a Chevy dealership downtown. It was a four- door, white model, stick shift, fender skirts, loaded with everything, and, since my parents didn't drive, it more or less became my brother's car.
Having a car but not being able to drive didn't bother my father, but
it didn't make sense to my mother. So in 1952, when she was 43 years
old, she asked a friend to teach her to drive. She learned in a nearby
cemetery, the place where I learned to drive the following year and
where, a generation later, I took my two sons to practice driving.
The cemetery probably was my father's idea. "Who can your mother hurt
in the cemetery?" I remember him saying once.
For the next 45 years or so, until she was 90, my mother was the driver
in the family. Neither she nor my father had any sense of direction,
but he loaded up on maps -- though they seldom left the city limits --
and appointed himself navigator. It seemed to work.
Still, they both continued to walk a lot. My mother was a devout
Catholic, and my father an equally devout agnostic, an arrangement that
didn't seem to bother either of them through their 75 years of marriage
(Yes, 75 years, and they were deeply in love the entire time.) He
retired when he was 70, and nearly every morning for the next 20 years
or so, he would walk with her the mile to St. Augustine's Church. She
would walk down and sit in the front pew, and he would wait in the back
until he saw which of the parish's two priests was on duty that morning.
If it was the pastor, my father then would go out and take a 2-mile
walk, meeting my mother at the end of the service and walking her home.
If it was the assistant pastor, he'd take just a 1-mile walk and then
head back to the church He called the priests "Father Fast" and "Father
Slow."
After he retired, my father almost always accompanied my mother
whenever she drove anywhere, even if he had no reason to go along. If
she were going to the beauty parlor, he'd sit in the car and read, or
go take a stroll or, if it was summer, have her keep the engine running so
he could listen to the Cubs game on the radio. (In the evening, then, when I'd
stop by, he'd explain: "The Cubs lost again. The millionaire on second
base made a bad throw to the millionaire on first base, so the
multimillionaire on third base scored.") If she were going to the
grocery store, he would go along to carry the bags out -- and to make sure
she loaded up on ice cream.
As I said, he was always the navigator, and once, when he was 95 and
she was 88 and still driving, he said to me, "Do you want to know the
secret of a long life?" "I guess so," I said, knowing it probably would
be something bizarre.
"No left turns," he said.
"What?" I asked.
"No left turns," he repeated. "Several years ago, your mother and I
read an article that said most accidents that old people are in happen
when they turn left in front of oncoming traffic. As you get older,
your eyesight worsens, and you can lose your depth perception, it said.
So your mother and I decided never again to make a left turn."
"What?" I said again.
"No left turns," he said. "Think about it. Three rights are the same
as a left, and that's a lot safer. So we always make three rights."
"You're kidding!" I said, and I turned to my mother for support.
"No," she said, "your father is right. We make three rights. It works."
But then she added: "Except when your father loses count."
I was driving at the time, and I almost drove off the road as I started
laughing. "Loses count?" I asked.
"Yes," my father admitted, "that sometimes happens. But it's not a problem.
You just make seven rights, and you're okay again."
I couldn't resist. "Do you ever go for 11?" I asked.
"No," he said. "If we miss it at seven, we just come home and call it a
bad day. Besides, nothing in life is so important it can't be put off
another day or another week."
My mother was never in an accident, but one evening she handed me her
car keys and said she had decided to quit driving. That was in 1999,
when she was 90. She lived four more years, until 2003. My father died
the next year, at 102.
They both died in the bungalow they had moved into in 1937 and bought a
few years later for $3,000. (Sixty years later, my brother and I paid
$8,000 to have a shower put in the tiny bathroom -- the house had never
had one. My father would have died then and there if he knew the shower
cost nearly three times what he paid for the house.)
He continued to walk daily -- he had me get him a treadmill when he was
101 because he was afraid he'd fall on the icy sidewalks but wanted to
keep exercising -- and he was of sound mind and sound body until the
moment he died.
One September afternoon in 2004, he and my son went with me when I had
to give a talk in a neighboring town, and it was clear to all three of
us that he was wearing out, though we had the usual wide-ranging
conversation about politics and newspapers and things in the news.
A few weeks earlier, he had told my son, "You know, Mike, the first
hundred years are a lot easier than the second hundred."
At one point in our drive that Saturday, he said, "You know, I'm
probably not going to live much longer."
"You're probably right," I said.
"Why would you say that?" He countered, somewhat irritated.
"Because you're 102 years old," I said. "Yes," he said, "you're right."
He stayed in bed all the next day.
That night, I suggested to my son and daughter that we sit up with him
through the night. He appreciated it, he said, though at one point,
apparently seeing us look gloomy, he said: "I would like to make an
announcement. No one in this room is dead yet."
An hour or so later, he spoke his last words: "I want you to know," he
said, clearly and lucidly, "that I am in no pain. I am very comfortable.
And I have had as happy a life as anyone on this earth could ever have."
A short time later, he died.
I miss him a lot, and I think about him a lot. I've wondered now and
then how it was that my family and I were so lucky that he lived so
long. I can't figure out if it was because he walked through life ...
Or because he quit taking left turns.
(Michael Gartner has been editor of newspapers large and small and
president of NBC News. In 1997, he won the Pulitzer Prize for editorial
writing .)
Sunday, August 20, 2006
moving on down the road
Always remember that to get anywhere you have to look ahead and take a step. Never forget to breathe. Never forget everyone
is human.
Choices made and perceptions shared doesn't mean that it is correct. I am learning a lot about my perceptions and their need of improvement.
Like keeping my mouth shut while letting events take place when they are ready to. To not hope for repeat occurances.
To accept things as they are and not look too far into the possibilities. To be steadfast in my protection of self. To find those worthy of my trust. To be me at all times and not fear the situation.
Time to clean up my desk and know where I am at.
Thankful I can breathe
and dance.
is human.
Choices made and perceptions shared doesn't mean that it is correct. I am learning a lot about my perceptions and their need of improvement.
Like keeping my mouth shut while letting events take place when they are ready to. To not hope for repeat occurances.
To accept things as they are and not look too far into the possibilities. To be steadfast in my protection of self. To find those worthy of my trust. To be me at all times and not fear the situation.
Time to clean up my desk and know where I am at.
Thankful I can breathe
and dance.
Friday, August 18, 2006
going with the flow
Last night turned out to be a surprise from my planned evening.
A nice change of plans.
I was going to Absinthe Lounge to work on the mosaic art tables adn to maybe meet some people about climbing and bike riding.
My daughter calls adn wants to hang out with me!
So I pick her up and off we go to work on the table.
okay.... I worked on the table and Amanda talked :)
We were ther till about 7:30 and then left to go to the DMA. I love the museum. It was wonderful when Amanda had an internship there several years ago.
Amanda and I wandered around and I discovered that she has an interesting view on artwork.
I took a little side trip into the Modernism in Silver while my pregnant daughter sat down for a bit.
All in all the visit was nice in the museum. I, like her, prefer classical art and cultural art.
After that I was to do a massage on Regina. So as we are heading to Regina's I received a call from a friend and went to give him a ride home since he lives near. I enjoyed the short visit and then got a call from Regina. She was a little late, Amanda was tired and I took Amanda home then went back to Regina's.
I really enjoy it when my clients and friends feel so good after I work on them. I feel better too.
Today is gonna be a busy one. So I am off and running!
A nice change of plans.
I was going to Absinthe Lounge to work on the mosaic art tables adn to maybe meet some people about climbing and bike riding.
My daughter calls adn wants to hang out with me!
So I pick her up and off we go to work on the table.
okay.... I worked on the table and Amanda talked :)
We were ther till about 7:30 and then left to go to the DMA. I love the museum. It was wonderful when Amanda had an internship there several years ago.
Amanda and I wandered around and I discovered that she has an interesting view on artwork.
I took a little side trip into the Modernism in Silver while my pregnant daughter sat down for a bit.
All in all the visit was nice in the museum. I, like her, prefer classical art and cultural art.
After that I was to do a massage on Regina. So as we are heading to Regina's I received a call from a friend and went to give him a ride home since he lives near. I enjoyed the short visit and then got a call from Regina. She was a little late, Amanda was tired and I took Amanda home then went back to Regina's.
I really enjoy it when my clients and friends feel so good after I work on them. I feel better too.
Today is gonna be a busy one. So I am off and running!
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
LOL
| Monthly Love for August, 2006 | |
| Provided by Astrology.com | |
On the 1st and 2nd, you may be asking yourself, 'Am I ever going to find the one?' If that question is on your mind, why not put the word out? Tell your friends, your more discreet family members, and heck, maybe the old lady downstairs. Communicate to them that if they happen to know of somebody really fantastic who's looking, you'd be interested. Try it out -- you never know what could happen, and it doesn't cost anything. By the 7th, don't be shocked if you've actually met a few nice people. Then, on the 14th, don't be flabbergasted if you actually like one of them. By the 19th, you could have a date. In fact, this could be a turning point. Get dressed up and have fun. On the 23rd, 24th and 25th, if problems come up, don't forget that romance comes from the Latin root for 'kind of difficult.' Okay, not really -- but you get the point. On the 31st, look back on the month. What have you learned?
@}--
I found this to be rather accurate for some reason. Also rather funny.
Haven't accepted a date at all though.
Just not into it yet.
Monday, August 14, 2006
another moment
This is a moment of laughter and friendship. Of learning, patience, and joy. Of summers spent with friends and family.
This is what joy and love and laughter look like and FEEL like to me.
Savor it as much as I and pass it on.
Last Saturday some very dear friends, a new aquaintance was invited along also, all joined Marty and I for food and fun.
We went to the Korean BBQ place we found when Marty first returned from South Korea. I had forgotten about the place. Dr. Jeff Siu and his friend Caroline had taken me there for dinner a long time ago. It was delightful then and had only improved in greatness once our dinner was completed. It was so fun coking Goubi and teaching what little I know in the culture with Marty then teaching more with history included.
Mark Menosky, Brian Gagnon, Antje Spethmann, and Leslie Martin
were Marty and my victims :)
We told them about a Norabong being part of the evening but never told them what a norabong is. :) Kept is quiet all week. :)
Something very hard for me to do.
I'm sorry Jordan.
Um.... Happy Birthday, TOO! Wait until January for your gift???
hehehe
A SON!!!!
So how does that count?
I helped in the creation of your wonderful wife. :) see???
All of this, and more, are part of the circle that always expands.
That does tie in with the beginning of this journal. You see I had almost cut my circle of loved ones down so far that there was not hardly room even for me.
:)
I tend to be a bit all encompassing when getting to know people. It is like a crash course. ABSORB IT ALL, DAMN IT!!! So as not to make more mistakes. Yep! That's the reason. I have noticed I also do this action with my hobbies and my job. I forgot often to just be still to breathe and to experience my life. I don't have to hurry. :)
OH!!! This JUST in! *click me*
now how fun is THAT!
(thanks Lefty)
So, I have had time to look around at some habbits and reactions. Lots are being recognized which means I will not ignorethem. Changes need to happen.
*SO.... the change comes with sharing laughter with friends at a Norabang and lights and beers and dancing and singing. Norabang translates to singing room. It is a private Karaoke room.
It was a total blast.
We ALL sang and danced. We all laughed. We all were happy to be together at that moment.
It was the best of times that are to be followed by more.
This is what joy and love and laughter look like and FEEL like to me.
Savor it as much as I and pass it on.
Last Saturday some very dear friends, a new aquaintance was invited along also, all joined Marty and I for food and fun.
We went to the Korean BBQ place we found when Marty first returned from South Korea. I had forgotten about the place. Dr. Jeff Siu and his friend Caroline had taken me there for dinner a long time ago. It was delightful then and had only improved in greatness once our dinner was completed. It was so fun coking Goubi and teaching what little I know in the culture with Marty then teaching more with history included.
Mark Menosky, Brian Gagnon, Antje Spethmann, and Leslie Martin
were Marty and my victims :)We told them about a Norabong being part of the evening but never told them what a norabong is. :) Kept is quiet all week. :)
Something very hard for me to do.
I'm sorry Jordan.
Um.... Happy Birthday, TOO! Wait until January for your gift???
hehehe
A SON!!!!
So how does that count?
I helped in the creation of your wonderful wife. :) see???
All of this, and more, are part of the circle that always expands.
That does tie in with the beginning of this journal. You see I had almost cut my circle of loved ones down so far that there was not hardly room even for me.
:)
I tend to be a bit all encompassing when getting to know people. It is like a crash course. ABSORB IT ALL, DAMN IT!!! So as not to make more mistakes. Yep! That's the reason. I have noticed I also do this action with my hobbies and my job. I forgot often to just be still to breathe and to experience my life. I don't have to hurry. :)
OH!!! This JUST in! *click me*
now how fun is THAT!
(thanks Lefty)
So, I have had time to look around at some habbits and reactions. Lots are being recognized which means I will not ignorethem. Changes need to happen.
*SO.... the change comes with sharing laughter with friends at a Norabang and lights and beers and dancing and singing. Norabang translates to singing room. It is a private Karaoke room.
It was a total blast.
We ALL sang and danced. We all laughed. We all were happy to be together at that moment.
It was the best of times that are to be followed by more.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Decisions
Fly...
Making sure that stability is here in my head.
Marty and I were driving along today talking as we tend to do. Out of all of my weird thoughts and actions there has been some really nice clarity of late. I can see my actions and my emotional responses. An "ah!" moment when he was driving this morning.
I don't do well being a hermit and limiting my experiences to only inside. I have so neglected my need for activity that I have choosen some old repeats of a pattern.
I don't like it. I don't normally hide away. I am used to being outside. Doing things adn adventure.
Yes I am going to be 47 this October. It isn't a bad deal with who I am.
I am afriad that I allowed my insecurities take over.
I am living for me.
Making sure that stability is here in my head.
Marty and I were driving along today talking as we tend to do. Out of all of my weird thoughts and actions there has been some really nice clarity of late. I can see my actions and my emotional responses. An "ah!" moment when he was driving this morning.
I don't do well being a hermit and limiting my experiences to only inside. I have so neglected my need for activity that I have choosen some old repeats of a pattern.
I don't like it. I don't normally hide away. I am used to being outside. Doing things adn adventure.
Yes I am going to be 47 this October. It isn't a bad deal with who I am.
I am afriad that I allowed my insecurities take over.
I am living for me.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Lungs are working!!!!
Doctor report card:
Almost excellent!
hehe
Almost the full lung capacity is being used.
I am down to 2 times a day on the nebulizer. I have to use a puff steriod inhaler 2 times a day.
I can use my emergency inhaler as needed if I cannot get to my nebulizer.
MORE FREEDON!
I can start to ride my bike on the trainer inside the house.
I can start climbing again an approx 4 weeks :)
I am most pleased.
Almost excellent!
hehe
Almost the full lung capacity is being used.
I am down to 2 times a day on the nebulizer. I have to use a puff steriod inhaler 2 times a day.
I can use my emergency inhaler as needed if I cannot get to my nebulizer.
MORE FREEDON!
I can start to ride my bike on the trainer inside the house.
I can start climbing again an approx 4 weeks :)
I am most pleased.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
A grandson...how cool is that!
Yep. I was wrong :)
Not the first time or the last.
I am pleased to announce that I will become a grandmother to a boy.
The parents have not gotten a decision on the name yet.
I am sure more will follow.
WOW.... I am so excited!
I hope I get to see the sonogram pictures soon.
another patience test I guess.
Not the first time or the last.
I am pleased to announce that I will become a grandmother to a boy.
The parents have not gotten a decision on the name yet.
I am sure more will follow.
WOW.... I am so excited!
I hope I get to see the sonogram pictures soon.
another patience test I guess.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Things that make me go "Hmmmm...."
Daily singles love (by Astrology.com)
Sure, it's grown-up and mature to be friends with your exes, but an old tie could be holding you back from forming new ones. It's a good time to check your emotional fences. Make sure those boundaries are clear.
Time to realize what it was about my marriage and the fences I built that need to be cleansed adn completed. THat was so very long ago adn I am tired of reacting with dears.
Sure, it's grown-up and mature to be friends with your exes, but an old tie could be holding you back from forming new ones. It's a good time to check your emotional fences. Make sure those boundaries are clear.
Time to realize what it was about my marriage and the fences I built that need to be cleansed adn completed. THat was so very long ago adn I am tired of reacting with dears.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Inside Out
Do you realize how difficult it is for me not to talk at my job? Smoothing the angers of people and just chattering to them? I am really pretty good at getting information out of a client.
You ask questions.
Easy.
So why are people afraid to ask questions?
Object of the interaction is to get what is inside to be out.
Thoughts, reactions, desires, goals, and of course what will make a person satisfied that you assisted in the resolution to the very best of your ability.
You tell them and then you do it.
Simple.
You follow through with what you say.
I can do this at work so easily. It is impersonal. Kinda removed from physical space. My voice and confidence have to carry through the digital exchange of tones.
Physical sight means they are able to watch me motion with small involuntary twitches and eye motions. Like I am always looking for an answer. It is my nerves. I know in my head but sometimes have to search for the reference materials. I associate almost every thought I have with an action. Weird to think about it. I even sigh if I cannot move.
Except when I am sitting on my couch and looking at the trees. The way the wind moves the leaves...the depths of shadows and green. I imagine I am walking in my fields of coolness.
Easy
Simple and non active.
A very old friend reminded me of that today. HE is a very long time ago great one. The times of when we were 15 and 18. (Les was older of course! Can't have it any other way in high school...) we walked a lot to the pond and the trees. There were plenty of walks and sitting in trees in my yard too.
But the walks to the end of the runway and looking at the trees. The water.
Then driving in his Torino.... Just really peaceful.
I had forgotten those. I was always so curious. I convinced Les to show me how to print photos in his dark room. The lessons of graininess, depth, and shadow. Focusing became a challenge again. How can we present the abstract in a reality shot?
Leslie, you were so clever in your humor.
I remember what you asked tonight about my travel bug.
I thought about it and could not feign from enlightening you this way.
I want to go to different countries. I have a talent I can share. I need to get my act together and get my license. I can go to different resorts and work as a masseuse rather easily.
I can take a vacation and scope out the opportunities and gather education abroad. Share it as I go.
Pass on the knowledge and teach.
I love working with people, too. I like finding out about their thoughts and reactions. It all leads a path to how you work on the body to heal.
Belief holds strong magic in the words you use.
Amanda reminded me that I told her that for all the asthma.
So why is it I am doing this to me? Mentally.
Afraid that if I move "IT" will disappear?
Heck, silly woman...things and people change.
That is what ALL of this is about.
Blessed are we to travel a path together for a while.
To part and share those thoughts with others that we see along the way... add to and not take away the joy in the experience.
All of these things thoughts actions I know and know how to do.
Tonight I breathe easy
Inside
and
Out
( I have another blog id if you you are interested. I usually write very differently there. You are welcome t o incorporate it into your routines or not.
I liked what I wrote this early in the morning and wanted my family to see it also.) Circe @ MySpace.com
You ask questions.
Easy.
So why are people afraid to ask questions?
Object of the interaction is to get what is inside to be out.
Thoughts, reactions, desires, goals, and of course what will make a person satisfied that you assisted in the resolution to the very best of your ability.
You tell them and then you do it.
Simple.
You follow through with what you say.
I can do this at work so easily. It is impersonal. Kinda removed from physical space. My voice and confidence have to carry through the digital exchange of tones.
Physical sight means they are able to watch me motion with small involuntary twitches and eye motions. Like I am always looking for an answer. It is my nerves. I know in my head but sometimes have to search for the reference materials. I associate almost every thought I have with an action. Weird to think about it. I even sigh if I cannot move.
Except when I am sitting on my couch and looking at the trees. The way the wind moves the leaves...the depths of shadows and green. I imagine I am walking in my fields of coolness.
Easy
Simple and non active.
A very old friend reminded me of that today. HE is a very long time ago great one. The times of when we were 15 and 18. (Les was older of course! Can't have it any other way in high school...) we walked a lot to the pond and the trees. There were plenty of walks and sitting in trees in my yard too.
But the walks to the end of the runway and looking at the trees. The water.
Then driving in his Torino.... Just really peaceful.
I had forgotten those. I was always so curious. I convinced Les to show me how to print photos in his dark room. The lessons of graininess, depth, and shadow. Focusing became a challenge again. How can we present the abstract in a reality shot?
Leslie, you were so clever in your humor.
I remember what you asked tonight about my travel bug.
I thought about it and could not feign from enlightening you this way.
I want to go to different countries. I have a talent I can share. I need to get my act together and get my license. I can go to different resorts and work as a masseuse rather easily.
I can take a vacation and scope out the opportunities and gather education abroad. Share it as I go.
Pass on the knowledge and teach.
I love working with people, too. I like finding out about their thoughts and reactions. It all leads a path to how you work on the body to heal.
Belief holds strong magic in the words you use.
Amanda reminded me that I told her that for all the asthma.
So why is it I am doing this to me? Mentally.
Afraid that if I move "IT" will disappear?
Heck, silly woman...things and people change.
That is what ALL of this is about.
Blessed are we to travel a path together for a while.
To part and share those thoughts with others that we see along the way... add to and not take away the joy in the experience.
All of these things thoughts actions I know and know how to do.
Tonight I breathe easy
Inside
and
Out
( I have another blog id if you you are interested. I usually write very differently there. You are welcome t o incorporate it into your routines or not.
I liked what I wrote this early in the morning and wanted my family to see it also.) Circe @ MySpace.com
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Pictures of my kids and family
Just a few :) This is so a friend of mine that has moved away can see where they are at now in life. Enjoy!
Friday, August 04, 2006
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Ms Chandra Michael Sherwood
My favorite and ONLY niece. :)
I look forward to seeing you for lunch and having time with you again.
Thanks for not hanging up the phone when I sing to you.
... be prepared....
everytime you answer the phone today with me I will be singing just for you.
MUCH love, hugs, and kisses.
Auntie Circe
Thursday, August 03, 2006
When Pigs Fly...
a young woman I know came along in my life and shared some wonderful music with me today.
Thanks Chris!
Just Because
Do you ever wonder whose face makes the moonlight?
Do you ever look up and find your face there?
Is it any wonder we find ourselves laughing
with your tongue at my lips and your hands in my hair?
I don't need a reason to savor the Mystery.
All we need to is open up one eye...
I don't need a savior to keep me from tumbling
I'll only kneel for my lover's delight
I don't need a church man to show me what's holy
When I see you in the doorway surrounded in light
I don't need a guidebook to paint out my story
I don't need a road map to find my way back home...
So why? Tell me why! How long? How long?
What if why is just because?
I don't need a doctorate to speak with authority
40,000 years we've been painting in caves
I don't need an answer to each of my questions
When the nape of your neck just won't let me "behave"
I don't need a bible to swear on my conscience
I don't need a stranger to know I'm not alone
So why? Tell me why! How long? How long?
What if why is just because?
I don't need a downbeat to dance in this moonlight
With the drum in my bones Im naked here too
I don't need a lighthouse to find my lover
Filled to my brim with the wanting of you
I don't need a maestro to count out my measure
I don't need a songbook to howl up at the moon
So why? Tell me why! How long? How long?
What if why is just because?
I don't need a reason....
1/6/97
Thanks Chris!
| Lyrics for "Just Because" ( click here if you want to listen) |
Just Because
Do you ever wonder whose face makes the moonlight?
Do you ever look up and find your face there?
Is it any wonder we find ourselves laughing
with your tongue at my lips and your hands in my hair?
I don't need a reason to savor the Mystery.
All we need to is open up one eye...
I don't need a savior to keep me from tumbling
I'll only kneel for my lover's delight
I don't need a church man to show me what's holy
When I see you in the doorway surrounded in light
I don't need a guidebook to paint out my story
I don't need a road map to find my way back home...
So why? Tell me why! How long? How long?
What if why is just because?
I don't need a doctorate to speak with authority
40,000 years we've been painting in caves
I don't need an answer to each of my questions
When the nape of your neck just won't let me "behave"
I don't need a bible to swear on my conscience
I don't need a stranger to know I'm not alone
So why? Tell me why! How long? How long?
What if why is just because?
I don't need a downbeat to dance in this moonlight
With the drum in my bones Im naked here too
I don't need a lighthouse to find my lover
Filled to my brim with the wanting of you
I don't need a maestro to count out my measure
I don't need a songbook to howl up at the moon
So why? Tell me why! How long? How long?
What if why is just because?
I don't need a reason....
1/6/97
taking time
watching the stars rise at night
seeing where i wish to go in my mind
carefully i placed my trust with you
and all i have is my heart
there were moments of joy
feeling wanted and valued for who i am
hearts dance away to save
the only loss is love
taking time to find a place
of solitude
seeing where i wish to go in my mind
carefully i placed my trust with you
and all i have is my heart
there were moments of joy
feeling wanted and valued for who i am
hearts dance away to save
the only loss is love
taking time to find a place
of solitude
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Stuck inside
gads
1 more week of having to stay indoors.
Almost to a point that is "okay" but not there yet. The more I talk the worse it gets. Trying to behave and it is driving me nuts.
Hard to sit here with no one to talk to except the im's I get. Thank GOD I have a few friends that make a trip to see me.
I was told to stay inside....breathing test on Friday of next week to see how I have improved. Decision day.
This next week goes completely unpaid.
Can't do massages
Can't paint walls
Only the computer is my toy for now. I am tired of sitting around and doing treatments but I sure feel better after each one...as long as I stay inside.
Totally quit smoking at the drop of a hat.
Not an issue.
I like breathing actually.
Eventually.... maybe I can ride my bike again.
Climbing would be great too as long as it is outdoors :)
1 more week of having to stay indoors.
Almost to a point that is "okay" but not there yet. The more I talk the worse it gets. Trying to behave and it is driving me nuts.
Hard to sit here with no one to talk to except the im's I get. Thank GOD I have a few friends that make a trip to see me.
I was told to stay inside....breathing test on Friday of next week to see how I have improved. Decision day.
This next week goes completely unpaid.
Can't do massages
Can't paint walls
Only the computer is my toy for now. I am tired of sitting around and doing treatments but I sure feel better after each one...as long as I stay inside.
Totally quit smoking at the drop of a hat.
Not an issue.
I like breathing actually.
Eventually.... maybe I can ride my bike again.
Climbing would be great too as long as it is outdoors :)
keep breathing
Chris....
GREAT ADVICE!!!!
hehe
My daughter is stressed ... so was/am I. I think I had a gift come out of the "babes mouth" tonight. My friend Brian Gagnon told me to stop asking why.
Amazingly I feel calm and I am looking forward to discovering the same calmness in the morning.
Interesting turn of mind and I am relieved it arrived.
Time to rest adn let the healing continue. Hopefully no dream answers. My brain is tired and my heart needs to just pump the blood around IN my body.
I go to see the doc again tomorrow. Hopefully to be released from house arrest (WHICH I did not know he had placed me on!). Marty told the doc I went outside today....he blew a gasket apparently.
I also think Marty likes telling me tall tales in foreign accents to make me laugh and relax. My doctor is East Indian and has a FABULOUS sense of humor!
Antje today understood my need for the type of hugs I give/get/trade/need and supplied more than I could hold in my heart. I wish I was not so stuck in my head because when you needed me... I was not there for you. We have had several moments though thoughout our friendship. You were right in what you said. Time to work on things and I appreciate your love.
Marty and Brian made me laugh with a beer, food, and a dvd-on-the-couch-folding-laundry-night.
Just hanging out. And get this...
we had the TV up REALLY loud cause Marty (nor Brian... nor I) could hear what was being said on the screen for some reason.
No... it isn't age.
Well maybe for two of us it us :)
No need to ask why
I like that Brian.
Thanks
Love
GREAT ADVICE!!!!
hehe
My daughter is stressed ... so was/am I. I think I had a gift come out of the "babes mouth" tonight. My friend Brian Gagnon told me to stop asking why.
Amazingly I feel calm and I am looking forward to discovering the same calmness in the morning.
Interesting turn of mind and I am relieved it arrived.
Time to rest adn let the healing continue. Hopefully no dream answers. My brain is tired and my heart needs to just pump the blood around IN my body.
I go to see the doc again tomorrow. Hopefully to be released from house arrest (WHICH I did not know he had placed me on!). Marty told the doc I went outside today....he blew a gasket apparently.
I also think Marty likes telling me tall tales in foreign accents to make me laugh and relax. My doctor is East Indian and has a FABULOUS sense of humor!
Antje today understood my need for the type of hugs I give/get/trade/need and supplied more than I could hold in my heart. I wish I was not so stuck in my head because when you needed me... I was not there for you. We have had several moments though thoughout our friendship. You were right in what you said. Time to work on things and I appreciate your love.
Marty and Brian made me laugh with a beer, food, and a dvd-on-the-couch-folding-laundry-night.
Just hanging out. And get this...
we had the TV up REALLY loud cause Marty (nor Brian... nor I) could hear what was being said on the screen for some reason.
No... it isn't age.
Well maybe for two of us it us :)
No need to ask why
I like that Brian.
Thanks
Love
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
today.....feels so empty
bored as hell with physical restrictions
worked on a massage last night adn it damn near made me pass out.
i have another massage today and hopefuly it will be better.
wow.
what a life i lead
woke up with no thoughts or dreams because of the medication and i feel empty
the good thing of today?
i am going to go see my sister for a little while this morning.
worked on a massage last night adn it damn near made me pass out.
i have another massage today and hopefuly it will be better.
wow.
what a life i lead
woke up with no thoughts or dreams because of the medication and i feel empty
the good thing of today?
i am going to go see my sister for a little while this morning.
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