Merry Christmas!

Santa is an interesting concept for giving. It matters not if you know the person receiving or giving.

It is the feeling that is the most wonderful. Seeing the smiles...watching the amazement in the eyes or the recognition that you were thought of.

Not silent in my thoughts but careful in actions and placement of the desires.

I had Christmasw gifting with my roommates and my children on Christmas Eve. It was DELIGHTFUL!
Marty had cooked dinner. then Jason (my son) arrives and joins us for a delicious dinner! Next arrival is Tracy ( new roommate ). Then Amanda and Jordan (daughter and son-in-law) arrive!
It was nice to sit, talk, joke, and relive earlier events of the Vogel craziness.

The kids really seemed pleased with the gifts. THAT was fun because I always try so hard to match their wants and desires with what I remember being wistfully whispered about years ago. :)

I enjoyed making them too!

Now I am at Antje and Mikes for Christmas. They are very special in my life...just like Marty is. True friends of great understanding and patience.

Merry Christmas to ALL!

Circe

My daughter asks "what's going on?"

Do not worry child. Just feeling a bit out of synch with the holiday spirit of late.

I was pleased to make some of the gifts I gave this year.
I wish I had spent more time to make them all.

Working Christmas Eve & Christmas Day because I need the money. Being unemployed / employed and underpaid did not help my financial situation at all.

I finally have my house on the market to sell it. Okay...it is really a condo.

I like my new job very much...but typical me...I want to be doing MORE in terms of working. Investigation and resolution to issues.
The company is going through transitions from a merger...and the employees all seem to be really nice and helpful. I like the feeling here.

I decided with a gift card I received to buy a couple of pets.
Don't worry...I do not think I am allergic to Betta Fish.
I named them (both male fish) Alpha and Omega. :)
Alpha is a red and blue Betta.
Omega is a pink and purple Pastel Betta.
They are so calming to watch and the differences in personality are notable! The fins are so long and graceful. The way they breathe and move is hypnotic to me. Curious how they will 'flare' at reflections or when they get to see each other. Yes...they are in a divided tank that is about 2 quarts size. There is a colored dividing screen I can remove so they can see each other through the clear dividing screen.
They will be easy transport to my daughter for babysitting if needed ;)



SO on the house bit....
I think I will look for a rental place a little closer to work.
The toll road and gas cost are getting TOO expensive.
I love my home...but it is inconvenient. It is away from what I do and away from work.
I will let you know where I land.

I really am Okay, Amanda...just a little disengaged at the moment.

I have never enjoyed seeing my friends become angry with me. I try so hard to be the 'peacemaker' and negotiations officer when it isn't my place to be such.

Sometimes you just have to call a card as it is played.

I am NOT going to work on the next holiday though :)
No plans to do anything but stay at home perhaps.

No driving amongthe crowds.

Life is trying to quiet me down a bit.

Circe

When you piss off the ones you love....

Okay.
I feel like total UGH. Physically and mentally.
I asked in a nice way ...and then trying to make it clear...I made a statement sound rude and horribly straightforward.
Unfortunately it made the person I was talking to feel angry with me.

I am not sure I understand. Unless they are starting to have deeper feelings.
In that case...it may be time to say good-bye to my friend.
We will see what God drops around me.

I have found that everything seems to be okay when I state something that before was teased about. Now, what I say, ends up touching a nerve.

I don't feel well. No excuse. I am tired of having bronchitis, pneumonia (easy ..the lite version) headaches that don't quit for days.
Stress I think.


At this time... Life kinda feels distant and separate.

I wish I could go home....but it is always with me no matter where I am.

This year I do not like Christmas. It feels wrong.
All I seem to do is cry of late.

It will get better...it always does.
Just have patience and see the changes unfold. That is what I hear in my head.

To my friend....I do not know if you will read this.
I am deeply apologetic. I wish I could change what I said if it would make you not angry with me.
I guess it just goes to show....

No matter how honest you try to be...someone gets hurt no matter what.

I adore you as my friend. You are unique.
I think I will be very quiet for a week or so.

Circe

When TIME Flies...

Gosh time is moving on!
I do tend to work a lot of hours.
Now I have decided to sell my home....and look for a new place...
keep learning at the new job...try to visit my family...
jeez.
Haven't been rock climbing or biking or running due to illness.
Can't go to the gym either because of said illnesses.

BUT
I didn't miss any work!
I look forward to the holidays being over with.

I really am not buying gifts. Can't afford it yet. :)
It is nice being hired again. The group I work with seem to like me and ask me if I like it too.
They are a group of fun people. Serious when needed for the job...and I like to make them laugh!

on the otherhand.
there are concerns for me.
I wonder what is going on with all of my kids.
I know life is busy...and I don't want to interfere with what they are doing and experiencing.

I talk to my mom on the way to work of late.
My Dad and Stepmom I talk to once a week.
my sisters....Annie occasionally (phone tags mostly) and Jacque has learned to send me text messages on my phone!

Actually...
that is the best way to get me at work is by text messages.
If you need that information, pop me an email and I will send you the address!

The new job doesn't allow for Internet due to the nature of the job. No IM, no personal email during hours, and try NOT to do anything personal at work at all!

I like the job though!

I am feeling much better now.
Hope all of you are well!

Circe

New job going okay!

I have a lot to learn about a new field of terminology. very different but it is interesting to say the least. Started opening tickets adn taking calls teh second day. Fast learner at least. The terminology and procedures once learned wil be good. Never dealt in la enforcement areas before...except when I worked for Tandy Center in the security NOC.

Yes, my dear children, I know I am loved.

Already started working overtime...as usual.
It will be entertaining to say the least. This week and next week are training.
Next week the rest of the new hires come on-board. HOPEFULLY I will be able to have my own computer tomorrow so I can log in as me and not Joe (LOL). He is the man I work the most with.
My sense of humor is already appreciated there too!
There is one man there that is from Ireland. I was talking to him and doing my mimicing of his accent when he asked me what part of the Island I was from!
That was a high compliment.

I like it so far.
Can't wait to really get a foot hold on what all I am to do. Soon...working the tickets will be fun! (already have started to do a couple of them!)

Always interesting finding my value.

Circe

I can't sleep

The Awe has a song I like
It is called Miserable Defections of.....

I don't understand why it draws me so.

Cafe Del Mar has a chillout album with Ambiant in G....totally moving.
Need the music to drive my mind.
Need to feel where I am.
All the questions of AM I REALLY HERE are popping up again.
I look into the past and see where I once was...scared, cold, nervous, lonely, in mental pain.

I defected.

I divorced.

I cried.

I can sit inside my home and be at peace. I can drive along the road and feel the changes in my life that are coming.

I am a little lost tonight.

My dreaming has been so very intense and real.
Where are we? Where are you?
Where am I?
Here? Or is it soon to be?

Wonder what I will feel as I drive in the morning......

Christmas is coming

Guess what folks.
I am NOT buying gifts this year.

I will enjoy making little trinkets and things.
I will put myself into the items I give.
I have a few ready as we speak.

Enjoy the season and try to not get overwhelmed.

Check this out!

http://home.planet.nl/~beekv044/TheyreTakingTheHobbitsToIsengard.wmv

My daughter sent it out...rather well done!