Reflections

Sometimes you have to pay heed to the words you say to someone else.

Simply put, I thank you all for gracing my life.

I awoke today with a smile on my lips, in my heart, and in my mind.
Not because of anything spectacular, but simply for the thought of feeling balanced in my heart and in my head.
So often in this life I get caught up in helping others. I can do a multitude of different jobs, care for the most unforgiving people, and still laugh at the end of the day in looking at my pride.

I woke this morning smiling. Looking forward to my adventures. They were quiet, restful, and full of dreams.

I recognized that I don't really know where I am headed....but that is fine for now.
I have wonderful friends, family that I wouldn't trade away, and a healthy body that carries me to each destination that I choose to explore.

I find that I am opening my heart, and it's scary, but I can't always hide behind the curtains and draw them closed because someone sees I am vulnerable.

My daughter told me this in much more flowered language, but I recognize the wisdom in her writing.

I have no idea if it is visible. I don't really care.
I can go out and just be myself without care if someone else sees the real me.

I cry
I dance
I have love
I can even have anger.

Part of being alive and in this world.

Some of the old comforts I used to protect myself will not be used anymore.

I really love where I am today.....all of it.

I don't have all the answers but I can sure look for them.

I'm growing. I have friends and family who will help if I just say the words.

I love you.

Circe

A quiet day

This morning was different. Lethargic and still. Coffee wasn't enough...so a banana and some cheese helped on the way to awareness.
The weather has been beautiful today. Windy and fresh and crisp.
I love Fall and Spring with all the wonderful colors that come about.
The cats have been extra snuggle and pout occasionally.

I have been watching my friends' dogs for this holiday.
You should see me walking 6 at one time! There is a Pekinese, and Shitzu, a Terrier mix, a Hound mix, a Husky, and a Labrador.
The successive names are Mattison, Princess, Jenna, Bailey, Luna, and Tyler. One night my girlfriend Kassy helped walk them. Then the next night a friend named Chris helped walk them. The other walks have been me and it has been FUN! I have taken them out 2 times a day since Wednesday night. Tomorrow (Sunday) all the parents of these animal children arrive home and they DO miss their families.
My cat Kali and one of my room mates cat, Buddy Lee, have been a little pouty after playing with me.
They were NOT happy at the invasion of (dare I say it?) doggies in their home!
Buddy Lee pouts really well. Buddy Lee also needs his teeth cleaned. ;)
Kali has been hiding...but curling up with me at night.

I have a good feel about my life.
My daughter gives VERY good advice!
Dang, guess she did listen more than I thought she did :)
Really proud of ALL my kids.

My niece stopped by for a short visit. My daughter called, my son called, my sisters I called. I called my mom and my dad and StepMom called me. I had my friend Chris and my friend Kassy come over for a visit too on Thanksgiving.
It was nice not to travel this year. To relax and be at home was a great treat for me.
I have enjoyed the silence and the visitors and the casual everyday things in life.
I enjoyed grocery shopping for foods that I love to eat. Surprised me that I chose mostly vegetables and fruit.
ALL very tasty!
My big expense was some buffalo Ribeyes.
GOSH they were tender!
All in all...I chose to do as I pleased this Thanksgiving.
I am also choosing to wait for my room mates to come home to decorate for Christmas.
They are part of my family life and they can help me spread the family feeling, too!

Just a short note.

I love you all and am thankful that my life includes so many.

Kisses to all...
Circe

Don't know why it hurts me...

That is the title of the song that is playing at the moment in my den.
It repeats "I don't know why..."

Seems to be the theme of life right now.
I don't know why but it hurts me...all this damn emotion
all the hiding away I do
All the running
headlong into the wind
laughing
and then there is the quiet where I reflect on how open I want to be about my emotions.

Here we are world..
I am open.
I want a SERIOUS relationship.
Not ownership
but honesty in personal interaction and discussions.
Verbal
Physical
Mental
and yes... Spiritual

I have a man I am seeing.
We both know neither of us are "THE ONE" for each other but there is the willingness to explore the emotions of being dead honest in our relationship. I like it...
but it isn't enough.

I really don't like everyone knowing what I am thinking or staying away from thinking.

I miss my bestest friend horribly.
You listened when no one else could make sense of my scrabbled words and thoughts.

Now I am trying to make sense out of what I feel.

IT hurts.
But I have made it through hell before and this isn't hell.......
yet.

I don't know why I go through these things.
Why must I wish to be involved?
Why must I hurt?

Why aren't you here?

A poem

I wrote this a while ago....thought that it was fitting and I wanted to share it.
Yes...I do write poetry as all Librans must.
An outlet when I am trying to see where I am.
It is refreshing to read these occasionally...to see what may come next.

Enjoy!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Untitled Night


The sun rose this morning…
I, breathing in the newness of the light,
was held with gentle tears flowing

The fears of the darkness and that reality
No longer tying me to unknown depths of loneliness
Ending in relief and bringing memories to the heart

Passions of life have flown by my eyes
Laughter has filled my soul
While time moves on at its relentless pace … never still

My heart is beating with awareness and eyes are open to life
The children gather ‘round to listen to my stories
Waiting for the excitement to fill their minds

The fields in the distance hold new growth, new smells, and new joys
Greens, violet, white…all waving for me to come touch and taste
Sunlight dancing upon my skin and hair, combing warmth into my mind.

Sunset comes slowly to the soul
Wanting the daylight to shine longer, the winds to be gentle
Walking slowly on my path of dreams to come

Then the time of night approaches me…the time of inner reflection
I will smile and wait for sleep to hold me still …
While time moves forward with my soul …breathing the memories of light.

The moon is rising bright this night
I, breathing in the oldest of white light
am holding my heart, tears flowing gently into my soul.


Circe Rexene
3/21/03

Quote from the Universe

All the years and all the tears... boy, Circe, aren't they gonna be shocked when they realize that nothing was ever lost - not friendships, not opportunities, not love - nothing?

And that they already had all those things they went searching for?

That never once were we disappointed in them?

That nothing had to be proved, learned or earned?

That all along, they were, in fact, the person they had always dreamed of becoming?

Depressing?!! Hardly, Circe, because then it's revealed that their life, just as it was, changed everything and everyone, for the better.

Cool, huh?
The Universe




I like it! I like it!

Circe
cool.....

Stopping time

WHOA NELLY!

Can you tell by the time I am writing this that I am going through a hard time sleeping?
Can't seem to shut off the mind.
Several events of late have been weird. My dreams are very lucid. Details that stick with me throughout the day for my pondering.
Several déjà vu events. Disturbing when I drive and the 'scene' is playing out in my head and causing me to lose my sense of where I am at.
It seems that it has something to do with my job. Don;t get me wrong on this statement...but the job holds love and hate in almost the same instant. I like working with people and learning. The ability to gain information and make determinations in regard to the REAL problem is fun. The repetitive drone of data entry is boring. I find at times that I cannot hardly keep my eyes from crossing up and wanting to nap a little.

I still feel like there is a flow to my life. I am just not sure if I am going downstream or upstream.
I think most of the time it is staying even with the pace of the river.

My roommates leave tomorrow for Thanksgiving vacation in Colorado.
I am staying here at the casa... very awesome actually.

I heard on the news today a DJ asking to have the 'Most horrible Thanksgiving Story you can remember" called in to him. How DARE he!
To remember a holiday that is titled "THANKSGIVING" with bad association? Hell of a way to start the HOLIDAY season with. No matter WHAT your belief is, WHY would you want to remember the NEGATIVE?!?
Yes the holidays are commercialism but it seems to me that the holidays when people TRY to be friendly!

Come on Guys and Gals. Give each person you meet a smile, no matter what! I do not intend to cook but I do intend to enjoy my time and finish up a few things in my home.

Call Signs

Ever have a song continue to repeat itself without your bidding? Sounds that softly cradle your mind?
I have been stuck with a song for days now. I wish I could remember from whence it came. The song seems to tickle my memories of younger years...and the mid 20's of my life.... dang it.
Ah well...I can change the channel when I want.

There are times that I am so thrilled at living for the moment that I REALLY don't want to look at the future.
I enjoy how my graceful life seems to fall in place.
Doesn't mean that I am graceful....just the fact that my life has a graceful flow to it.
It always seems to be providing me with laughter, friends, love, and hope. My family is doing well. Lots of things to deal with but over all everything is in a flow...a dance.... a meeting of different directions.

I hope that the flow I am in at this time has a heck of a nice island that will stick around for a time. Nice place to rest upon. to converse in, to enjoy the simpler things in life on as in laughter, talking, and cooking can do.
deliberately moving through my life.
I have to purchase a new stove.
Can't keep this one going any longer. Not the built in microwave. Dang it.
Ah well there seems to be all the provisional items that fall in place now and then.
I went and ran in a HASH this Saturday. It has been a long time and it was really a lot of fun. I still hate going through briars and mesquite....my legs and arms are torn up.
It was fun though.
To go hiking around and talking to others and hoping I don't get lost again. I hate it when that happens.

Tonight is quite in the home.
It's nice.
I watched part of a movie with my roommates tonight.
50 First Dates
It was cute...and sad at the same moment.
That or I lost track of the time again.
Anyway...it is getting late and since I have a propensity for late hours anyway. I guess I need to get back on track.
Tomorrow I have a massage scheduled to do. Tuesday is climbing night.
Hopefully on Wednesday it may be nice enough that I can ride my bike.
Thursday I am staying home.
I want to watch a game or two on TV.
I want to listen to music if I choose or read.
I just want to chill out and be still.
I wanted to go see my family in Arkansas. Can't afford to do that at this time.
No monetary availability at the moment...and the need for quiet. I want to finish my walls. I would like to paint and finish up some item's that I promised to do in jewelry and in sewing.

I want to dejunk again cause there is to much stuff again in the home.

I wonder sometimes if my life is going in the best direction. The times I feel like running cause I feel and then the times I want to stay cause I feel.

I wish I could figure out how to get my company to move me to Washington State. Beautiful country there. Ah well it isn't going to happen for a long time.

Sometimes I want to move to an island also.
Then there are the moments that I can't do without my friends and loves of my heart.

I am told it is part of life..to look back and count the stones you were carried by.
Living is really wonderful at the moment.

Finally.

Kisses my friends.....
G'night Tigger
Silly old bear....

Circe

and we'll have fun, fun, fun.....

till the Tbird can't be driven anymore (I KNOW THAT those are the wrong words, but they fit in with the idea)
Ah yes...To climb a rock wall ..or two..or three was a BLAST at StoneWorks Indoor Climbing Gym tonight.
PERFECT weather for it!
I don't mind climbing at night.
They have good lighting and the people I climb with are GREAT!
There is Antje, Richard, Kim, Jill, Cecil (when he is in town) and Marty (when he is in the USA).
I climbed well on the 3 routes I did. Nothing hard..but I was informed that I looked graceful tonight. Deliberate and I used the walls well.
That IS a compliment! (thank you Richard!)
Then, even better later on... I did a massage on a friend and helped her neck out some.THAT was a bonus reward. She felt great after 30 minutes. I felt like I could climb for hours...but not tonight.
Short on sleep from thinking about a lot of 'stuff' last night.
So this is short and sweet.
I really hope that all of my friends will one day try the climbing.
Heck, even my kids (Amanda and Jason), Amanda's new husband Jordan, and my neice Chandra have tried climbing!

I am yawning big time so it is beddie-bye time for momma...
Huggles!

Circe

What thoughts pass by in reality and in fantasy

Every once in a while there are thoughts that I have that seem to lead nowhere.
Absent thoughts.
Memories, lost times, and future decisions that have no place to land.
No feeling at the moment,
just disappearing thoughts.

Walking is seemingly what I need to do...not what I want to do. I want to run...to play ...to be young again to redo some choices but God knows I would not be here now as I am nor going to the next place to be.
Sound confused?

it is.

No choices today but mental tiredness
How can one be in 5 places at once...only in thought can the human mind transcend the limitations that the physical places on us.

I don't choose to be that other 'thing' I once was. I want to be who I am now but I still want to reach for that other person.
Somewhere he is out there walking towards me.
Who is HE.
I see him and then he slips away in shadow
He hides and waits for me to stop searching and seeking and having hope and that feels 'dark'. I use HE as a metaphor. The description is metaphoric also. I am not in danger my dears ...only stuck in a thought.
The HE is a life partner. I want and I need in my life.
I am seldom dependent....emotionally... to a nasty point. That I FEAR of letting someone inside this damn wall I seem to have.
Vulnerable, fragile, needy and less than perfect. HUMAN
It kinda is hard to be just that.
I am enjoying a lot of things in my life...but I am TIRED of doing all of it alone.
Of staying in my head and not talking about the things that frighten me to death.
Loving is one of them. Imagine that. The TOTAL sharing and hope building.A tender and innocent emotion that has always had pain attached to it.
I find it needs no approval but it does need reciprocation. See there I go again, talk of IT not I.
Sheez
Why is it that I have odd insight to others but I still hate to look in a mirror to see that it is I that has a need to be seen.
Dancing is so much emotion and a story and attention getting.
I dance because of how I feel at the moment. I sing because I feel it at that moment. I make up songs and sing and listen to what comes out for me to hear. I am NOT for amusement or dishonest placement of what promises to be friendship.

Think I need to withdraw a bit from my busy busy world. See what is inside for a bit.
It isn't that I am withdrawing from my friends. I need to be doing things FOR ME. My choice.

I have discovered that this blog is for me.
No comments ever made.
No help delivered no questions asked.
Mine
Selfishly sought for my OWN approval.
Not anyone else's.

g'night all

Circe

Mental delights of physical actions.....

Just thought I would write a bit. The mind is wandering tonight.
Clouds are moving in and I can smell the weather softly ticking my nose with change.
Looking forward to coldness that frosts the air as I breath. The sunrise this morning was beautiful "baby colors" as my roommate Sharon says.
I see skies that are rosy and soft with blankets of blue hugging the edges of a sleepy eye as it opens to view the world.
Crisp it was. Soft warmth this evening. Tomorrow is unknown but looked forward to with anticipation.

Climbing tomorrow night. To use my mind to place my hands and feet into the tiny holds that allow me to go up the inwardly curved walls and reaching a highly placed metal measure of success. Then sliding and slipping down by guidance and trust of another's hands.
Standing at the bottom of the cement well. Looking up at the holds and crevices that I have been up numerous times. Each time a different approach and each time a different me ascends. Noticing that a calmer me descends afterwards. I am not thinking of anything other than how to place my hands, my feet, my weight, my knowledge, and my trust. The feel of reaching back that last few seconds and placing the sofest white dust of gypsum on my finger tips....hoping it helps me to hold on a little better. Oh gosh, where to start. I have looked up and seen the goal...not to shy away....but which path to choose this time.
Reaching and the first pull of my muscles lets me know that I am in motion even without leaving the ground.
Deep breath.... exhale as I move upwards and reach with my hands while feet press and muscles slide over themselves.
"Climbing" I state (meaning 'be aware of my actions, my Belayer!')
"Climb on!" states my partner (meaning 'I am aware and watching, my Climber!')
You can feel the air as it moves around and away from you and motion is made upwards.

The beginning of the climb is only a teasewhile the trust and the fire comes from somewhere at the beginning and in the ending of the exercise. The slip from a hold and the heart stopping feeling of "falling!" being shouted. I watch my climber without shifting my eyes away from the rope or from their positioning on the wall. I pray that the Belayer is doing the same for me. YES! The honored me by the simple fact that "GOT YOU!" comes up from the ground and I only dance down a few feet from where I was clinging to the small crevice of will and strength. Continuing on until I am reaching and pushing my muscles to touch, slap and laugh at the metal goal that sets into the wall and away from the solid form of the wall.
"TAKE!" I yell (meaning 'you have control of my body, my Belayer'.)
"GOT YOU, LOWERING!" I hear from far below (meaning 'I am guiding you safely back to me, my Climber'.)

To bounce upon the earth and watch the smiles of eyes that were aware of my every move.
Pleasure exudes outwardly with the knowledge that I am to be trusted to hold my partner as they dance upon the rope this time.

"CLIMBING!" says my Climber as they look into my eyes and then turn to face the wall.
"CLIMB ON!!" state I , the trusted Belayer moving in rhythm with the climb.



Circe

a generational thing

Life has passed on for my Great Uncle Jay Miller today.
He was about 95 ...or maybe 99. He was not one that I interacted much with in these later years but I did and do love him from my memories.
He was the youngest....and the last of the siblings to my grandmother that was alive.
He managed to bang himself up pretty good 3 years ago on an ATV...the last I saw was he had to be wheelchair bound from the injuries. HE never was one to sit still for long.

He had a wicked since of humor and eyes that lit up at any joke.

Rest easy from the old body, Uncle Jay.

Love you...

Circe

Careful what you write...it has an effect

How many times have you heard "be careful what you say because it may come back to haunt you" ?

Dang that happened just a few minutes ago.
Kinda ticks me off at myself cause I let it slip outta my mouth.

How many times do I need to tell myself " Ohmmmmm...think peaceful thoughts....OOOhhhmmmmm no stresss"
and then I get SUCKED back into the games of corporate structure of endless circle jerks.

*sigh*
Oh well...I am still human and I do get emotionally charged at times.

No comments from the peanut gallery, please.
Just realizing (again) that practicing a peaceful, flowing attitude is a continual awareness of where I am at mentally. I cannot control how my job is defined for me to do....but I hate screwing up something simple only because I am multitasking myself into a corner.
I REALLY wish the company would hire more people. In the long run I think this would be benefical not only to the company, but to the economics of our country

...and it will alleviate some of the dang stress that is building lke a volcano here.


This is just a short note to outpour a little bit of 'just small stuff' that feels HUGE at the moment.
I'll get over it...I always do.

SO..
What's next?

Coffee anyone?
Dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Could be both!

Thanks for reading and being there my friends...
Circe

Still wanting to ride....

and not just in dreams or thoughts.
Have you ever had the feeling that a MAJOR change in your life is coming and you wait and you wait and you try to guess where it is coming from?
Then BANG!
It arrives and you have NO damn clue what to do with it?

Well I am in that situation.

But I don't feel this need to run away from what ever it is that is coming.
I feel happy and at balance and curious and girly-girlish ( now THAT is a weird feeling for me) and EXCITED!
I wonder if it a high from riding my bike yesterday ;)
If it is...I love this kinda high better than the old life style! WAY BETTER!

I have a most wonderful time planned for this weekend. I am going to go spend it with a friend and do some exploring.
Maybe we will work in the yard...maybe fart around doing nothing. But I do plan on talking....lots of mind stimulating talking!
I love that. It feels good in my brain that is stuck with repeating thoughts at times of my job and dealing with frustrations from customers and engineers.

I plan on singing and hopping like a kid. I may even dance in the living room like a monkey (don't know what that is but I am willing to try it out!) and doesn't that sound like fun?

Gonna take my bikes also!
Maybe more wind baths are needed. OOOO I wonder if we have time to fly a kite?

The FEELING...and yes these are important to me...is that I feel safe and excited and curious and...and...and...just excited!

I am so looking forward to the weekend that I am rushing the week. LOL
Like that is something new.
But tonight I am home...Sharon got my hip back into place...and she bought Chinese from a BRAND NEW ACROSS THE STREET place named CWok.
Kinda catchy..and the FIRST tasting was pretty good.
The second and third time will tell for SURE!
Tomorrow night is CLIMBING!!!!
YIPEE!!!
Gosh I hope I have some climbing partner show up (ANTJE?????)...but if not...I'll just boulder around a bit.
Wednesday I am doing mosaic tables again at Absinthe Lounge. Fun teaching others what I have learned.
I guess I need to take a picture or two of what is completed now.

ANYWAY...just kinda bouncing around right now. Maybe a nice snuggle in the clean sheets and a book to read.
Yes Marty...I am STILL reading Zeke and Ned.
LOL

Love, hugs, and laughter to all!

Circe

Memory Lane

Today was AWESOME!
I have not been on a long bike ride in quite a while, due to knee injuries and then surgery, and today I rode 21 miles in a road rally.
It was the Tour de Peppermint. Held in South Lake, Texas.
I had done some growing up in that area in last of 8th grade and then through High School in Keller, Texas.

One of the things that I noted was how MUCH every thing has grown. The roads, for the most part, were much improved. The other thing was that the community had grown to a huge degree. What I remembered as being back roads and twisty hilly things were now populated with overly huge and expensive houses.

I think the best thing was the chance to remember riding my powder blue Schwinn Continental on those roads. Yes I had a car, too...and I did drive a lot on the roads there (including my first day of my Drivers Liscense and my subsequent wreck ... all on my 16th birthday) ...but the best times were walking, running, or riding my bike. It was a beautifully tree filled area with lots of fields and farms and sparse population. The bike rides were tedious at first...lots of hills and I was in NO condition to be driving them. At that time I was already leading a life of alcohol abuse (little known to my family) and some prescription medication misuse. LOTS of illnesses and emotional torture I was placing in my life even then.
The times that I chose to go walking or sitting in trees or riding my bike were times I was just feeling a different world around me.

Today during the ride, I found myself looking at those times. It held some fun in it...and lost feelings...and I even remembered MORE of the good times I had then I ever thought of as possible for me to think on. Early in the ride I ended up blowing a tire tube and Antje didn't hear me yell at her. This is when we got seperated. It was interesting at how I was analyzing riding positions of the bodies around me and how the sun was dancing through the clouds. Nice high sparse clouds. Like cotton sheet wisps that were becomming thread-bare and fading from view.... cool morning and bright.
I had seen my friend Chris at the start up ...Chris, Mike, and Brad
were signed up to ride the 100K. Antje and I were in the 20 Mile. The Guys were riding at a nice fast pace I guess... we all start at the same place, but there are turn offs for the different rides.
It took me about 10 minutes longer than Antje to do the ride. (Remember I blew a tire tube!) I finished in about 1 hour and 30 minutes. I haven't had the time or REAL desire to prepare for the ride so I was cold going into it.
I am VERY pleased at my ride and I didn't really want it to end yet.

I think that the opportunity that I was seperated from Antje allowed me to remember that I DID have a good time in Keller...not all bad. I am recalicent to remeber that I never felt like I 'fit in' while in Keller. I have rarely gone back.

Today was a revelation that I did fit in and that I did have some fun and laughter there...along with the chance for silence and doing my own thing like riding bikes.

I really love my life today.
Never been happier.

Is it possible to be happier?

We shall see what next developes with my life.

Tomorrow I am taking my roomie Sharon bike riding on some trails near here...off road :)

Whee!

Kisses to all tonight.
I am tired and need sleep.
If you don't believe me ...look at how I wrote this :)

Circe

As in silence the thoughts rain in

Out WAY to late last night.... but I would not have missed it for the world. Today? I am being lazy. I have a semi clean home and I am not worried about that. Not today. My truck is in the shop and I am not worried about that either. I am thinking in silence.

Silence...

I wonder how the silence is in my brain? The thoughts have emotions, sounds, and winds that make them swirl and dance along.
One of those rare times when I have NO sound going on around me.
The roomies are off doing their things...my Ms. Kali Cat is sleeping and so is Mr Buddly Lee Cat. I noticed that their fur is very 'plump' right now. Cold winter coming in. So soft and loving these two animals are. Kali still gets scared but is MUCH more social. Thank goodness...there are a lot of people in and out of this home.

My home is named Sanctuary. Rather fitting, isn't it?

My Children are well and happy taking care of their lives. My bestest friend is counting down his days to coming home from Korea to Texas ...and I miss him.
Tomorrow I am riding in a road rally. Totally unprepared but with the expectaion of being amoung the light and laughter of the day.
I have a new friend that I am enjoying tremendously. He is a great conversationalist and very cozy to be around.
HE is a little shy so I guess he gets bombarded with my antics quite a bit.
My sisters are doing well... my parents, my cousins, my friends...all seem to be going about in perfect harmony of their lives.
A blessed day this is.

At times I am amazed at how the patterns flow in life. Some say it is 'chance'. I think not. I know that what we believe as truth is created by the thought of the curious mind in the beginning stages of recognition.

I think therefore I am.

THAT is truth.
Simple
Wonderful
Perfect

My Roomie Bob showed me an article in the newspaper he found interesting.
It was about how Buddhist Monks were noted to have a different brain structure than other novices in the art of meditation.
When the influence of a COMPASSION meditation was recorded, the long practicing monks had a high (off the scale) reading of gamma waves...the functionality of the total brain was utilized. The novice monks brain waves were raised but still some warblings on the scales. The actual article is in the Wall Street Journal. Dated FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2004. Section B1. The section for "Health & Technology <> Media & Marketing". The SCIENCE JOURNAL by Sharon Beagley (you can write to her here: sciencejournal@wsj.com ) whos article is titled
"SCANS OF MONKS' BRAINS SHOWS MEDITATION ALTERS STRUCTURE, FUNCTIONING"

VERY worth the read.... and I enjoyed it... goes to verify what I think.
That all limitations of self can be superceeded by thought in a loving and compassionate way.

Share the wealth that is there my friends.
I don't like to always be in everybody's business (as Marty would say) but sometimes you are because you care so much. Sometimes it is best being an observer. The 'questions' get asked and I can then give an unbiased observation. You know that mental working I have done all these years is useful.

I have been told that I have many people that love me and enjoy being around me (from other observers I might add) and I do believe that.
I can feel it.
I know it as truth because I send the SAME thoughts out there to those people around me.

I have friends that are distant from me but I can close my eyes and think of them and send a heart-hug. Shortly afterwards... an email, a phone call, or a text message comes across the air 'waves' right back to me with the contacted ones stating "you were just in my thoughts and I wanted to say hello!".
Cool.
I get the same things sent to me.
It is wonderful to realize that the MOST important thing I can do for balance in my life is to take times of silence just for me. To heal myself. To find myself. To BE myself.
I am a rather busy person (my family will tell you of this) and I do not get to see everyone I love every moment of the day.
I love you all and there is SO many of you that my life is overflowing!

I would not wish it to be any other way at all. PLEASE understand this of me.

I do like my silent moments in the day. I can withdraw but I do it in silence.

My parents used to always ask..."Where is your head at, Circe?"
It may have been 'gone' cause I messed up in not doing what was expected of me. It may have been that I was reading to escape my family for a bit...to have an adventure that was totally mental. It may have been one of those moments that I took to see the bigger picture of the interaction of my choices with my physical world.
There were so many of those moments.
"Where is my head at?"
It is here....thinking...flowing...refreshed in the joy of thought. I can travel ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE all at small blips of time.
To see how my friends are doing...to see my children's sleeping faces...to the memories of my childhood adn events that I remember.
Of seeing my daddy walking down the dark steps of our home when I was almost 3. To pick me up because I fell down them ...again...in my long nightgown with me looking up at him. To see his little frustration lines around and in his eyes cause he's tired and I managed to crawl out (again) of my crib. But he picks me up and 'coo-ingly' says 'It's alright, Circe...Time for you to STAY in bed." and snuggles me as I am placed into my bed...again.
Remembering the sound of my momma singing and laughing almost all of my life. Odd moments of utter joy in her heart bursting out in song.
My sisters and I playing ( not always well together ) and odd moments of fierce protectiveness when 1 of us was picked on or injured or whatever was occuring.

I hold some deep memories and thoughts that I go through and remember of my beginnings of awareness.

I then start remembering all the patience and love I received that got me here ...now...thinking.

All the reading and the late, late, late night studies that no one was privvy to. The searching I did for understanding of my processes. The pains in thought that I could not drown out.

Today holds so much more for me.
The laughter, the fun, the LOVE is constant....The LIVING is always in flow.

Patience is a virtue...see what it has developed in me?

Love...
Simple...
Pure...
Perfect

Love, Laughter, and Light to all
and KNOW that you are in my heart.

Circe

November quote

"Most people give up just when they're about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game on foot from a winning touchdown." ~H Ross Perot~


Okay...I am NOT really into football quotes but it seemed to fit.
I find that I no longer just 'give up' and let the fun pass me by.
I have started creating my own fun in the odd moments of the day.
To laugh at nothing and at everything helps.
I don't do the stress thing anymore < okay try really hard not to>
because then I miss the fun in the day.
I really love where I am at.
I have some pretty diversely interested and interesting friends.

One of my absolute favorites to do is dance
any kind.
any time.
any place.
I even was walking across the street with a friend and started dancing around him with stars, from a decorators ribbon, sitting on my head like a crown.
He held my hand up in the air while I was being like a child and enjoying the moment.
Felt fun
felt lively
felt like I used to be when I would dance in the fields in Arkansas and in the fields around my home in Keller Texas.
Just to dance and feel the music pour from my soul. The wind was kinda heavy with the changes of weather...but it felt SO good being there at that moment.

I love Halloween. I like the feel of the season changing. The excitement of people choosing something different for them to wear than regular clothes.
The kids are so cute in choosing what they want to be and it is SO cool seeing parents letting them wear the costumes for a few extra days.

:)

Sometimes I just like to dressup anyway. It is fun and silly and sometimes sexy. Just to laugh is a treat that most people miss.
WAY to much serious dread around of late.
It is so hard to watch people that know to control another and their attitudes that are still getting stuck in the 'what should have been' instead of 'what is happening now'.

I really am happy in my life and choices.
It is so amazing to feel so relaxed.

I am running on in my words again...and that is fine.
This is my blog...
I'll do what I want.

Laughter all the way....

Kisses to all