zunzhine on my zhoulder....

The Z.
My grandson Zephyr. It is the ODDEST thing in my life in how attached I am to him.

I don't want to raise him...but I get to enjoy him.

The Z...My little z. Zephyr, zeph, my little cuddly bear.

Sunshine in the scent of you as I am holding you. I so totally enjoy the feeling of hugs. You are so accepting at this stage.
Amazingly it is I that is accepting.
I know things this time. I have experience.
I also have humor at the situations that develop around you.
Your mom and dad are really special to me. So is your uncle. There are times that I look at you and I can finally remember the times I thought I had missed with your mom.
Zunzhine occurs when you gak on me. I don't mind ... at times.
The wonder of watching you sleep and the amazement at seeing the rem sleep functions. how busy is that mind of yours?
These are thoughts I had of Amanda and Jason when they were babies.
I don't HAVE to do things for you. I want to do things with you.

I came to your house today to watch you for a little while.
What do I do?
Wake you up. :)

What else are grandmothers for?

Play
Laughter
Adventure
Love

I got a LOT to show you Z!

it's been a month

Since Leslie died.
It's been very weird in my head....yet calm.

It's been a month since I really lived in my apartment...or rather since I moved into it :)

It's been a month since I worked out consistantly and I am not happy with that.

I have a lot to process right now. Changes coming into my life and I need to be ready to adapt.
I wonder if I am really willing to face the negatives of myself completely. Can I face the positives as well?

moments

There are moments in time that you just want to sigh.

Holding my grandson (no matter if he sleeps or is spitting up on me)
Sitting and talking with friends (couch cuddlers every one of you!)
Walking at night with a friend and holding hands.
Stopping and looking at the stars (even if there are massive clouds that hide most of them)
Waking up and stretching under warm cozy clean sheets
Having your boyfriend take the time to rub your shoulders or scratch your back
Listening to your daughter worry about being a 'good mother' (you have no option, Amanda) =)
Listen to the excitement of your sons voice on his first ALL ON HIS OWN car purchase
PAID IN FULL!
Listening to you niece as she works out issues in her head and then says she wants "Circe Time"
Hearing that your son in law appreciates it when you take the baby so they can sleep :)
Getting to chat with friends on line
Remembering past events
Talking to my mother
Talking to my dad
Hugging my sisters
Riding my bike
Walking among the trees
Cooking dinner
Trying to figure out my computer needs...yes they continue to grow!
Hearing that a girlfriend has made a major decision in her life and she is EXCITED!
Hearing of a friend healing after a major health issue
Talking with friends that I thought were gone forever
Listening
Dancing
Laughing
Singing because I feel like it all the time now.


Moments that are full, pleasing and sometimes overly busy


All are moments of sighs of happiness.

The best is spending time with my loved ones.
EACH OF YOU.
I could never handle all that love at one time.

Living and taking my moments of sighs into peaceful easy dreams.

Moments that will make pages in a wonderful book titled

Circe's Joy

sometimes

I wander around looking at the faces of people. Sometimes they look lost. Some are sad, others are just distant.
I wonder if they realize that the ability to look at LIFE is as simple as it feels. You walk around with your eyes open and a smile on your face.
The creation of joy first starts with a thought. The creation of pain starts with a thought...or a perception.
Mostly when things are not occurring the way I THINK they need to occur.
Yes, I still get scared and nervous at times. That is why I smile.
People relax when a smile lights upon their mental recognition.
Dancing is a body smiling.

To look into the eyes of my grandson I see the world totally new again.
I smile because it is a new vision I want him to REMEMBER throughout his life.
I see the picture above of my grandson and his Daddy (Jordan is AWESOME!)
I see the look on Amanda's face when she looks at Zephyr.
I remember that it starts here.

I want to end my days knowing I never stopped smiling and never stopped being a child in heart.