I seem to always find myself. Sometimes lost and unsure of the next step. I have discovered that if I close my eyes, breathe deeply, relax, and let my desire to control events subside... all is calm and happy inside.
Most the time this works. But I tell you what....drivers that are aggressive with a vehicle I would LOVE to shoot out a tire on. Yes. I almost got run over in a PARKING garage this morning.
So with that said....
I love being in school learning something I want to learn.
It feels right. I am working on getting totally out of the Technology side of life. It is so not emotionally fulfilling.
Having my massage license in order is paramount to my moving towards Austin. Yep...I can't stand it. I want to be near my grandson and hopefully near another grandchild that may come to be in the future. I want to go to more outdoor rock climbing locations. I love Austin.
I have had enough wiht the hurts of Dallas and look forward to having time to play occasionally...sometime in my life. I have a very select few wonderful friends...REAL friends in Dallas. Already know they would not mind coming to Austin on their travels.
There are a lot of thinking and planning going on here right now.
Main goal": Finish school.
secondary goal : Move
I still will have a time however if Jason finds a lady to love in Florida and starts his family (if they do want kids) there. I can travel faster from Austin to FL than I can from DFW to FL...what is up with that?
otherwise.....
I have rearranged my bedroom adn my living room. I like it. I have dejunked a lot of things and there still seems to be more to dump.
ALL of my 'burn costumes" will be given away or trashed this weekend.
I have had enough of people that are to into partying and not real about the life they choose to live within. When I first started attending burns the atmosphere was very different. I don't mind drinking some...but gosh the IDIOTS that walk around so drunk that they cannot do anything but be an ass... they need to go away.
Had a man on the street the other day ( I was walking Jamba) damn near walk into me... he was walking with eyes closed adn reeked of alcohol.
Idiot.
Then a woman attending one of my classes...at lunch (7 pm at night) went and had drinks. This was 30 minute lunch. She then kept leaning into my arm during class.
BOUNDRY ISSUES. Tonight if she shows up she will be informed I have boundries and prefer she sit behind me not next to me.
Stupid Idiot.
I find that the older I get the less patient I am with outsiders. BM is not even the event it used to be aimed for. I only went to 1 BM in the Reno Desert...it was enough. The concepts and inspiration of having people join in and get along is now needing police and dogs at it. TOO many people that look at the week end or week long party.
I sound pissy and I get the impression I am not done with it.
there is little I find of interest lately except for school, my dog, my family. Yes some friends are family.
No matter where I end up in my demeanor... I know it will be good and right for me.
Yeah I miss loving someone and sharing my life with them..in hopes of a long future.
So far the people I have been involved with were a waste of effort to include in my life.
they do not care unless they can use you for something...anything
So sad to realize the need to isolate oneself is because I chose to change and do right for my health. Sad to know these people will die being an idiot.
wish I could sometimes wipe it from my memory.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
okay.... so I am a tad bit scared.
School starts...there is so little time for me to do all that I have procrastinated to do.
GAWD I wonder where my head is at sometimes.
I admit..for some reason going to school for ANY reason scares me. It is a belief that I will be shown that I do not know what I am talking about... that I am possibly stupid or uncaring or .... whatever.
Not really sure why I doubt that my skills are "less than" since I have actually done massage for 30 years (give or take a couple of years).
I want and need my license for massage therapy to be in great order. I want out of tech work (computers). I finally decided the direction I wanted to take in massage, too. I want to do medical therapy for cancer patients.
Mostly because of Leslie Bavousett. I am one who loves to know you feel better because I have worked with you/on you for healing.
I KNOW I am good at it too
Now I have to (once again) PROVE it to the rest of the world.
This can really frustrate me at time.
Proving myself over and over again.
I am bitchy today and frustrated and scared. My friend, Robin, will not let me run away either!
LOL
as if my bike cannot take me anywhere.... just watch me ride away!
LOL
all in good fun and trying not to worry.
I don't want to give up on this because it is really FOR ME.
no one else.
I can choose to be who or whatever I want to be...but do I have the tenacity to always
strive to learn it the right way????
I know I have intelligence and a very caring heart. WHY do I not believe in me?
okay... here it goes:
grrrrr
that was my Chihuahua moment in time.
GAWD I wonder where my head is at sometimes.
I admit..for some reason going to school for ANY reason scares me. It is a belief that I will be shown that I do not know what I am talking about... that I am possibly stupid or uncaring or .... whatever.
Not really sure why I doubt that my skills are "less than" since I have actually done massage for 30 years (give or take a couple of years).
I want and need my license for massage therapy to be in great order. I want out of tech work (computers). I finally decided the direction I wanted to take in massage, too. I want to do medical therapy for cancer patients.
Mostly because of Leslie Bavousett. I am one who loves to know you feel better because I have worked with you/on you for healing.
I KNOW I am good at it too
Now I have to (once again) PROVE it to the rest of the world.
This can really frustrate me at time.
Proving myself over and over again.
I am bitchy today and frustrated and scared. My friend, Robin, will not let me run away either!
LOL
as if my bike cannot take me anywhere.... just watch me ride away!
LOL
all in good fun and trying not to worry.
I don't want to give up on this because it is really FOR ME.
no one else.
I can choose to be who or whatever I want to be...but do I have the tenacity to always
strive to learn it the right way????
I know I have intelligence and a very caring heart. WHY do I not believe in me?
okay... here it goes:
grrrrr
that was my Chihuahua moment in time.
Monday, April 13, 2009
lessons learned
Dan Folgerberg had a song titled that.....
Lessons Learned Lyrics
Hmmmm.. have I learned yet?
I don't think so as I search for no one.
I am content at just being me alone. I do what I wish when I get the feeling to. I have no other to consider. I did not ask to try to love someone else again. It left me lonely, sad, non trusting again, and angry that there are people that see someone willing to try and they step all over you.
Maybe ONE of these years.
maybe not....
Lessons Learned Lyrics
Lessons Learned
You
With the past at your back
And the future unsure
Asked
For the chance to try
Love once more.
Well aware of the consequences
Should the dream fall through
You threw down you last defenses
Wanting to try something new
Wanting to try something new.
You found me
In a sea of confusion
Drifting with the tide
Living
On love that had long since died.
But everytime that I touch you, baby
I feel a little more alive
And I`m reminded how much you`ve
made me
Believe in the love that survives
Believe in the love that survives.
Lessons learned are like
Bridges burned
You only need to cross them but once
Is the knowledge gained
Worth the price of the pain?
Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt?
Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt?
Borne
On the first warms winds of
Feelings newly found
Fly
But remember
Don`t look down
Take as much as you think you ought to
Give just as much as you can
Don`t forget what your failures have taught you
Or else you`ll learn them all over again
Or else you`ll have to learn them
All over again.
Lessons learned are like
Bridges burned
You only need to cross them but once
Is the knowledge gained
Worth the price of the pain?
Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt?
Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt?
Hmmmm.. have I learned yet?
I don't think so as I search for no one.
I am content at just being me alone. I do what I wish when I get the feeling to. I have no other to consider. I did not ask to try to love someone else again. It left me lonely, sad, non trusting again, and angry that there are people that see someone willing to try and they step all over you.
Maybe ONE of these years.
maybe not....
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
school days school days
Life is gonna get really timed up soon.
literally
Work is from 8 am-5 pm Monday through Friday.
Class starts at 6 pm and ends at 10 PM Monday through Friday.
homework is somewhere around those and on call phone for work and sleeping and Jambalaya time.
See what I mean?
No more Text messages on my cell. I discontinued it.
literally
Work is from 8 am-5 pm Monday through Friday.
Class starts at 6 pm and ends at 10 PM Monday through Friday.
homework is somewhere around those and on call phone for work and sleeping and Jambalaya time.
See what I mean?
No more Text messages on my cell. I discontinued it.
Monday, March 16, 2009
boundaries
even something as courteous as a "please" makes a huge difference with me. I smile and say hello with a smile to almost everyone I see. The ones I miss are because I am actively searching for something.
I also find that it is increasingly difficult to even have the time available to do what I need to do, then attempt to do something I want.
Not impatience, my dearest Marty, but actual time constraints.
I know animals take up lots of time. They are child like responsibilities. I also have the responsibility to myself to doing things that are healthy. I have responsibilities of school and paying for it along with wonderful gifts of friends and family support for my efforts.
I don't go out any more. I mean in doing events with acquaintances or dating someone. These are almost beginning to feel like intrusions. I know it sounds weird but it is only the 'feeling' in my body that I am dealing with right now.
I do not assume someone is going to be there (to help in listening to woes , doing things with me or telling me when I am being an ass) but it is nice to be able to ask if someone is willing to take time for me.
THAT is what my rant about time was for.
I am getting to the point that if you don't really want to engage your time or mental thoughts with me..... don't bother searching for me later.
I find the 4 walls I have here rather boring. I enjoy the mind and processing how I can improve on my reactions to emotional reactions is helpful but still rather just "alone". I have been seeing a lot more people of late. The ones that even if I don't talk to them for a while (2-3 months>) all of the sudden contact me....as long as I am not feeling pressured by them for an account of what is happening... I see to do great with!
I am only on a rant and wondering why the heck I am withdrawing so strongly.
I know I have changed a lot mentally and emotionally, recent events had a lot to do with it, but it is time to locate friends to go and do things with.
Do not look for me to sacrifice my time anymore.
I am important to me.
I also find that it is increasingly difficult to even have the time available to do what I need to do, then attempt to do something I want.
Not impatience, my dearest Marty, but actual time constraints.
I know animals take up lots of time. They are child like responsibilities. I also have the responsibility to myself to doing things that are healthy. I have responsibilities of school and paying for it along with wonderful gifts of friends and family support for my efforts.
I don't go out any more. I mean in doing events with acquaintances or dating someone. These are almost beginning to feel like intrusions. I know it sounds weird but it is only the 'feeling' in my body that I am dealing with right now.
I do not assume someone is going to be there (to help in listening to woes , doing things with me or telling me when I am being an ass) but it is nice to be able to ask if someone is willing to take time for me.
THAT is what my rant about time was for.
I am getting to the point that if you don't really want to engage your time or mental thoughts with me..... don't bother searching for me later.
I find the 4 walls I have here rather boring. I enjoy the mind and processing how I can improve on my reactions to emotional reactions is helpful but still rather just "alone". I have been seeing a lot more people of late. The ones that even if I don't talk to them for a while (2-3 months>) all of the sudden contact me....as long as I am not feeling pressured by them for an account of what is happening... I see to do great with!
I am only on a rant and wondering why the heck I am withdrawing so strongly.
I know I have changed a lot mentally and emotionally, recent events had a lot to do with it, but it is time to locate friends to go and do things with.
Do not look for me to sacrifice my time anymore.
I am important to me.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
things that make me go "Hmmmm...."
Some days, you can't help but wonder.
I notice I react oddly to being controlled. Sometimes even thinking I am being maneuvered into a situation I do not want to be in can cause excessive anger.
What is up with that? When did I stop giving the benefit of a doubt? I used to 'allow' emotions to wash on by. Not now. I seem to be unable to stop getting angry. I feel used... not sure where the hell it comes from but MAN it makes me pissy. Dreams are even turmoil-ish and I flip over a lot in bed. Can't stand covers on me cause the covers seem to feel like I am held down in my sleep.
Poor Jambalaya won't even pop up onto the bed with me anymore.
So dreams are the subconsciousness working things out. I felt 'tested' all night.
My neck hurts. Stubbornness? What am I being stubborn about?
I want a good nights sleep.
I notice I react oddly to being controlled. Sometimes even thinking I am being maneuvered into a situation I do not want to be in can cause excessive anger.
What is up with that? When did I stop giving the benefit of a doubt? I used to 'allow' emotions to wash on by. Not now. I seem to be unable to stop getting angry. I feel used... not sure where the hell it comes from but MAN it makes me pissy. Dreams are even turmoil-ish and I flip over a lot in bed. Can't stand covers on me cause the covers seem to feel like I am held down in my sleep.
Poor Jambalaya won't even pop up onto the bed with me anymore.
So dreams are the subconsciousness working things out. I felt 'tested' all night.
My neck hurts. Stubbornness? What am I being stubborn about?
I want a good nights sleep.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
going back and forth
I truly LOVE Austin.
I don't even mind the drive down all alone ....most the time.
Jambalaya always goes with me so it makes it nice... he makes me stop at least once to get out and stretch his legs...pee...bark...and then get on the road. He knows the name of Zephyr and Trouble which excites him unbelievably!
It has been awesome riding down with Toni and Steve but that means I can't take Jambalaya because when we do THAT trip...Zephyr comes back with us and there is no room in my big ol' truck for 4 and a dog.
Besides... I think Jamba drollong everywhere kinda makes Toni uncomfortable. I don't blame her a bit!
Last trip to Austin was this past weekend. Checking in on my daughter and the recent miscarriage (subtle checking don't ya know). I took the massage table with me since the kids have not had a massage since they moved to Austin over a year ago.
:) They liked the massages :)
We went out to eat on Sunday to Joe's Crab Shack. Z got to tast some shrimp and scallops, fries and a little fried fish.
He had some of Amanda's garlic and parmesan cheese shrimp..... and I think he tasted some of Jordan's food too! Not remembering what Jordan had at all at this time :) Oh well!
So this means: upset tummy for Z.
Sad to say the little one also had an issue with diaper rash because of the upset tummy.....
Poor Jordan.
Amanda tells me he has washed EVERYTHING in the house a few times now.... Zephyr is (I guess) is now potty training ;)
poor Jordan......
and Poor Zephyr!
I don't even mind the drive down all alone ....most the time.
Jambalaya always goes with me so it makes it nice... he makes me stop at least once to get out and stretch his legs...pee...bark...and then get on the road. He knows the name of Zephyr and Trouble which excites him unbelievably!
It has been awesome riding down with Toni and Steve but that means I can't take Jambalaya because when we do THAT trip...Zephyr comes back with us and there is no room in my big ol' truck for 4 and a dog.
Besides... I think Jamba drollong everywhere kinda makes Toni uncomfortable. I don't blame her a bit!
Last trip to Austin was this past weekend. Checking in on my daughter and the recent miscarriage (subtle checking don't ya know). I took the massage table with me since the kids have not had a massage since they moved to Austin over a year ago.
:) They liked the massages :)
We went out to eat on Sunday to Joe's Crab Shack. Z got to tast some shrimp and scallops, fries and a little fried fish.
He had some of Amanda's garlic and parmesan cheese shrimp..... and I think he tasted some of Jordan's food too! Not remembering what Jordan had at all at this time :) Oh well!
So this means: upset tummy for Z.
Sad to say the little one also had an issue with diaper rash because of the upset tummy.....
Poor Jordan.
Amanda tells me he has washed EVERYTHING in the house a few times now.... Zephyr is (I guess) is now potty training ;)
poor Jordan......
and Poor Zephyr!
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
no time like the present
no time...I like the present
no .... time is like a present
present? I have time?
how many other ways can you look at your life and determine it is a gift?
what would you be like if you were somehow "different" than expected?
Self Value
there is nothing that can be done of the past. It is the vehicle we ride to get where we are and sometimes where we want to be.
it takes courage and determination to face ones own self. it takes courage and determination to face ones limitations, too.
There is such a thing as "time is not enough". That part is usually created by a deeper need of reliance and accountability, I think.
I'm waiting and wondering when I will have time to play again. To climb again. To ride again. To dance like no body cares or is watching what I do.
no .... time is like a present
present? I have time?
how many other ways can you look at your life and determine it is a gift?
what would you be like if you were somehow "different" than expected?
Self Value
there is nothing that can be done of the past. It is the vehicle we ride to get where we are and sometimes where we want to be.
it takes courage and determination to face ones own self. it takes courage and determination to face ones limitations, too.
There is such a thing as "time is not enough". That part is usually created by a deeper need of reliance and accountability, I think.
I'm waiting and wondering when I will have time to play again. To climb again. To ride again. To dance like no body cares or is watching what I do.
Monday, January 26, 2009
kinda a good bad week
learning and frustrations\thinking ya got it down / good deal gone wrong?
all things are possible as long as I hang onto my belief that people really can care about each other without guilt in it all.
right now the writing makes no sense.
right now i find my self amazingly ANGRY at the presumptions that a personality MAKES BEFORE thinking about a situation.
right now i do not wish to see or speak to that personality. she will be dealt with accordingly.
now onto a better life and thought processes
all things are possible as long as I hang onto my belief that people really can care about each other without guilt in it all.
right now the writing makes no sense.
right now i find my self amazingly ANGRY at the presumptions that a personality MAKES BEFORE thinking about a situation.
right now i do not wish to see or speak to that personality. she will be dealt with accordingly.
now onto a better life and thought processes
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
pissed at delays
well
probation is not easy to deal with on a new job.
nor is having to back out of school because I have to work late right now.
i talked to the school directors. i am delaying the start of my classes until i get past my probation at work. looks like I start classes in April or I can start again in August. I will continue to pay for the course though so it has a built up bank on it.
that means that once I am ready to test I can without waiting to pay off the school :")
i hate... TOTALLY HATE .... having to delay it.
I took my first class last night there... came home and studied until 2 am...then went to work TIRED as hell and not really focusing on my NEW job.
the lesser of two evils is to protect my NEW job and get a little more stable in it. THEN I will start my school again.
i should still be able to graduate at the end of this year though. the directors talked with me and I can 'double up' on day and night courses once i have vacation time added to my employment.
that way i won't have top wait TOO long ;)
maybe Jambalaya won't be so destructive either by then. i hate having him sit in a kennel for 14 hours then have me come home and study and then bed when I can...
not fair to him at all.
actually it was not fair to ME to stress so much on a new job AND classes.
I have a little time to work it out.
who knows? If the job loses its position then unemployment may pay for my career change :)
still having things in process and limbo I guess.
Right now I am REALLY sad and REALLY tired.
I know I HAVE to keep the kjob for now.
I know I WANT to get my license in order.
I know I can be patient for a little while longer and see how it all settles down.
I know it is mandatory that I stay healthy.
I can still read and gather my books in a slower pace and get the good prices. I did not think I needed to pay for NEW books when there are better savings on USED books.
I am sad at the delays....but the job is important at this time.
fudge....
probation is not easy to deal with on a new job.
nor is having to back out of school because I have to work late right now.
i talked to the school directors. i am delaying the start of my classes until i get past my probation at work. looks like I start classes in April or I can start again in August. I will continue to pay for the course though so it has a built up bank on it.
that means that once I am ready to test I can without waiting to pay off the school :")
i hate... TOTALLY HATE .... having to delay it.
I took my first class last night there... came home and studied until 2 am...then went to work TIRED as hell and not really focusing on my NEW job.
the lesser of two evils is to protect my NEW job and get a little more stable in it. THEN I will start my school again.
i should still be able to graduate at the end of this year though. the directors talked with me and I can 'double up' on day and night courses once i have vacation time added to my employment.
that way i won't have top wait TOO long ;)
maybe Jambalaya won't be so destructive either by then. i hate having him sit in a kennel for 14 hours then have me come home and study and then bed when I can...
not fair to him at all.
actually it was not fair to ME to stress so much on a new job AND classes.
I have a little time to work it out.
who knows? If the job loses its position then unemployment may pay for my career change :)
still having things in process and limbo I guess.
Right now I am REALLY sad and REALLY tired.
I know I HAVE to keep the kjob for now.
I know I WANT to get my license in order.
I know I can be patient for a little while longer and see how it all settles down.
I know it is mandatory that I stay healthy.
I can still read and gather my books in a slower pace and get the good prices. I did not think I needed to pay for NEW books when there are better savings on USED books.
I am sad at the delays....but the job is important at this time.
fudge....
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
my schedule for a while
*sigh*
I just CAN'T do "nothing" very easily.
Current status after leaving the old job????
New Job started on Monday (1-19-09),
School started NIGHTS on Tuesday (1-20-09)
SO that means I work from 8-5 and school is 6-10. Study at night... hopefully you will all understand if I spend quiet time at home on the weekends?
I really want to thank my friends and family that has assisted me in paying for some of the course I am taking. Time to have my license for massage in order and I am looking forward to it!
I had a DR teaching class tonight. A D.O. and very entertaining as will as interesting. I like the interactiveness of his enthusiasm for massage taking place in the medical world.
All good but I am gonna be rather busy for a while.
Monday through Friday. 8 AM to 10 PM.
Thank goodness Linda is willing to take Jambalaya out of his kennel at night when she can for me.
I feel bad on that.
I come home for lunch now so he gets out after 4 hours in the kennel.
Hopefully he will get less interested in chewing things soon and then he can stay out of the kennel :)
That's all!
.....for now ;)
I just CAN'T do "nothing" very easily.
Current status after leaving the old job????
New Job started on Monday (1-19-09),
School started NIGHTS on Tuesday (1-20-09)
SO that means I work from 8-5 and school is 6-10. Study at night... hopefully you will all understand if I spend quiet time at home on the weekends?
I really want to thank my friends and family that has assisted me in paying for some of the course I am taking. Time to have my license for massage in order and I am looking forward to it!
I had a DR teaching class tonight. A D.O. and very entertaining as will as interesting. I like the interactiveness of his enthusiasm for massage taking place in the medical world.
All good but I am gonna be rather busy for a while.
Monday through Friday. 8 AM to 10 PM.
Thank goodness Linda is willing to take Jambalaya out of his kennel at night when she can for me.
I feel bad on that.
I come home for lunch now so he gets out after 4 hours in the kennel.
Hopefully he will get less interested in chewing things soon and then he can stay out of the kennel :)
That's all!
.....for now ;)
Monday, January 19, 2009
....and say hello!
Okay!
1 day down... hopefully many more to go!
I was contacted by a recruiter for a position last week.
Interviewed over the phone the next day.
Had face to face interview the day after that.
THEN HIRED!
WHEW!
So now I am a level II Help Desk Analyst for the medical industry again.
I have learned my lesson though and will not post WHO I work for but so far... so good!
It is 10 minutes from the time I walk out my door and then set at my desk. Pretty darn close to the apartment!
I came home at lunch today to walk Jambalaya and he was a little confused on it :)
It is ALWAYS a tad boring to me to "sit and learn how the process goes" but tomorrow I have already told them, will be in my hands.... means I want to touch the apps.
All geek at times ;)
I think it is gonna be okay. Honestly.
The applications are all proprietary so that means no "similar" remembrances of an application.
I found out one of my old co-workers is already ensconced and that was a surprise to me! Dang it.... I cannot be "unknown" this time. ;)
The pay is less than I wanted...but it is great in the closeness to home and school so it all works out to be "even-steven".
Can't really write that much about it now. I DO know that it gets hot up there there so I WON'T be wearing a wool sweater again. There is also a KinderCare daycare in the building so IF I get to have Zephyr during the week and I HAVE to have him in a location for the day... I can do it at the office and he can play with other kids! I have had excellent reports about KinderCare from Shelley and Mark Poole...so no fear with the system. I am upstairs and very close by if that happens.... we will wait for that tho.
Amanda had Z call me tonight! He says " Hi Gran-nie. It's ME!!!! "
He can name almost all of the alphabet with the letters from the fridge and loves to point out stars and moons and plants in the constellation. Amanda tells me the Pediatrician thinks Z will be reading by 3. He can already read his Name Blocks on his wall and then says "ME!!!!" (z-e-p-h-y-r = ME!)
It's a tad scary to think about... he has his colors down, too (mostly) and seems a little more confused on the numbers...but he is only 2. LOL
Oh yeah! He can do a "1 legged" somersault now, too!
OMG...watch out world!
I feel good knowing I am okay as far as my working while I am in school. Soon I will have my license for massage back in order and off I go to enjoy what I love the most.
I am HAPPY!
a good day after all.....
1 day down... hopefully many more to go!
I was contacted by a recruiter for a position last week.
Interviewed over the phone the next day.
Had face to face interview the day after that.
THEN HIRED!
WHEW!
So now I am a level II Help Desk Analyst for the medical industry again.
I have learned my lesson though and will not post WHO I work for but so far... so good!
It is 10 minutes from the time I walk out my door and then set at my desk. Pretty darn close to the apartment!
I came home at lunch today to walk Jambalaya and he was a little confused on it :)
It is ALWAYS a tad boring to me to "sit and learn how the process goes" but tomorrow I have already told them, will be in my hands.... means I want to touch the apps.
All geek at times ;)
I think it is gonna be okay. Honestly.
The applications are all proprietary so that means no "similar" remembrances of an application.
I found out one of my old co-workers is already ensconced and that was a surprise to me! Dang it.... I cannot be "unknown" this time. ;)
The pay is less than I wanted...but it is great in the closeness to home and school so it all works out to be "even-steven".
Can't really write that much about it now. I DO know that it gets hot up there there so I WON'T be wearing a wool sweater again. There is also a KinderCare daycare in the building so IF I get to have Zephyr during the week and I HAVE to have him in a location for the day... I can do it at the office and he can play with other kids! I have had excellent reports about KinderCare from Shelley and Mark Poole...so no fear with the system. I am upstairs and very close by if that happens.... we will wait for that tho.
Amanda had Z call me tonight! He says " Hi Gran-nie. It's ME!!!! "
He can name almost all of the alphabet with the letters from the fridge and loves to point out stars and moons and plants in the constellation. Amanda tells me the Pediatrician thinks Z will be reading by 3. He can already read his Name Blocks on his wall and then says "ME!!!!" (z-e-p-h-y-r = ME!)
It's a tad scary to think about... he has his colors down, too (mostly) and seems a little more confused on the numbers...but he is only 2. LOL
Oh yeah! He can do a "1 legged" somersault now, too!
OMG...watch out world!
I feel good knowing I am okay as far as my working while I am in school. Soon I will have my license for massage back in order and off I go to enjoy what I love the most.
I am HAPPY!
a good day after all.....
Today
I go to work at a new job and it is SOOOO close to home!
I am excited and pleased. I do miss the people I used to work with and wish them all well.
More tonight....
Tomorrow I start school again!
Guess I do not do "not busy" very well ;)
I am excited and pleased. I do miss the people I used to work with and wish them all well.
More tonight....
Tomorrow I start school again!
Guess I do not do "not busy" very well ;)
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
it's amazing
So unlike me to just stand still.
:)
Many know this of me. Constant change and learning and extremes of emotion.
I am HAPPY though right now.
I don't know if I CAN resign a lease on my apartment because I do not have a job lined up yet for after February. I have school set to go. (thank you Bob Klug for assisting me in registration.)
I actually was able to do some Christmas shopping and I am pleased that I stuck to a strict budget. Even though I saw more "things" I stuck with what I thought was needed..... except one gift for Zephyr :)
My bestest friend in the world, Marty, has become a grandfather! WOOT!!! The twin girls are 2 months premature but breathing on their own and doing well. Mom and Dad are well, also.
I am trying to stay sane at the office. Not easy when I see all the stress that is going into support of a product that they have too few people to work on it. I really feel for one manager that took the offer to move to MA. He will be very lost on the product for a few months. He was on the other side of the tech support. Now he is trying as fast as he can to learn what I do. It took 6 months to get a grasp of what I do....and that was a hard learning curve.
My parents are all well...at this moment. :)
My son is doing good in college and has NO idea of how proud of him I am. He has grown tremendously in attitude and in determination.
My daughter is awesome in her life as teh breadwinner and a mom.
My niece is in her own apartment again! I am proud at how she has survived some really hard choices in her life.
My dog is still growing! He is doing well at commands though and soon I will have a blast letting him run the trails while I ride my bike with others.
So far we ride/run solo because he gets distracted a bit. :)
Such a child ;)
Christmas is gonna be okay. I get to have Zephyr spend a night with me over the holidays and then I return him to his parents.
A most amazing gift of friendship: My truck needs some more repairs but I cannot afford to do it. (transmission this time) My friends Robin and Keith have loaned me a truck until I can get my truck fixed! Awesome. Safe to drive. Fabulous loan. :) I will feel very safe traveling with Zephyr now. I think he will LOVE the sun roof! My friend Joe gave me a digital picture frame and I have ALL of the kids on it.
Nice to just sit and watch the pictures change. Nice to remember all the times.
I received a TON of pre-cut material for quilts to be made too!
I have projects and things to do. I look forward to clearing up more "junk" in my life.
Amazing... I sing all the time now and I don't sound half bad to myself!
I know people are into the gift thing at Christmas.
Me?
I like to see the surprise on a face to see how hard I thought on them and what was NEEDED.
Okay..... there were a couple of "they really wanted..."
I am happy and calm. Best thing I have felt in 3 years.
:)
Many know this of me. Constant change and learning and extremes of emotion.
I am HAPPY though right now.
I don't know if I CAN resign a lease on my apartment because I do not have a job lined up yet for after February. I have school set to go. (thank you Bob Klug for assisting me in registration.)
I actually was able to do some Christmas shopping and I am pleased that I stuck to a strict budget. Even though I saw more "things" I stuck with what I thought was needed..... except one gift for Zephyr :)
My bestest friend in the world, Marty, has become a grandfather! WOOT!!! The twin girls are 2 months premature but breathing on their own and doing well. Mom and Dad are well, also.
I am trying to stay sane at the office. Not easy when I see all the stress that is going into support of a product that they have too few people to work on it. I really feel for one manager that took the offer to move to MA. He will be very lost on the product for a few months. He was on the other side of the tech support. Now he is trying as fast as he can to learn what I do. It took 6 months to get a grasp of what I do....and that was a hard learning curve.
My parents are all well...at this moment. :)
My son is doing good in college and has NO idea of how proud of him I am. He has grown tremendously in attitude and in determination.
My daughter is awesome in her life as teh breadwinner and a mom.
My niece is in her own apartment again! I am proud at how she has survived some really hard choices in her life.
My dog is still growing! He is doing well at commands though and soon I will have a blast letting him run the trails while I ride my bike with others.
So far we ride/run solo because he gets distracted a bit. :)
Such a child ;)
Christmas is gonna be okay. I get to have Zephyr spend a night with me over the holidays and then I return him to his parents.
A most amazing gift of friendship: My truck needs some more repairs but I cannot afford to do it. (transmission this time) My friends Robin and Keith have loaned me a truck until I can get my truck fixed! Awesome. Safe to drive. Fabulous loan. :) I will feel very safe traveling with Zephyr now. I think he will LOVE the sun roof! My friend Joe gave me a digital picture frame and I have ALL of the kids on it.
Nice to just sit and watch the pictures change. Nice to remember all the times.
I received a TON of pre-cut material for quilts to be made too!
I have projects and things to do. I look forward to clearing up more "junk" in my life.
Amazing... I sing all the time now and I don't sound half bad to myself!
I know people are into the gift thing at Christmas.
Me?
I like to see the surprise on a face to see how hard I thought on them and what was NEEDED.
Okay..... there were a couple of "they really wanted..."
I am happy and calm. Best thing I have felt in 3 years.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
LOL
what else can you do?
Time slips up on me so fast of late.
Yes, there are concerns about how to deal with some of the events coming my way....but a man I have met at my job gave me some wonderful advice...
"Sometimes the best avenue to follow is to just laugh."
It has eased some of the tensions.
I am concerned that because I have worked so much lately catching up and taking care of bills from the first half of the non working year that I am not able to finish my hand made items for Christmas....so odd things will be purchased...and I will send the hand made things on as I can.
TO EVERYONE...
I am concerned that on Feb 29th I will be unemployed again. I have already started looking and interviewing....and my truck keeps breaking...which has become a stress point that is unbelievable.
I can't do a whole lot but work as it comes right now.
Learning learning learning is what I want to do. Currently attempting to get some funding to get to the classes I so desperately need to change my career. I want to do my massage full time and I want to specialize it for the medical field. Seems fairly solid to go the medical career direction. I know that there are classes starting soon.... I hope I can get the funding together (looking into school loans for this too!).
Jambalaya loves the cold weather! My ski clothes have come in handy lately :) I have some kick-ass memories of learning to ski and going skiing with dearly loved friends....and deeply missed friends. A few wonderful pictures are in that, too.
It always makes me smile when I go through my pictures.
I guess not many really know what all I do in my life. I decided to make a hell of a change in it and I withdrew....Yes, Marty, I am fine. I needed to move away from those folks that sent my emotions into roller coaster rides. I do miss a very select few....but they have no further 'need' of my presence in their lives either.
I am calm and I smile a lot now. I even caught myself singing again :)
I look forward to seeing my kids and my grandson.
I don't stay long in too many places unless I feel balanced. Even visiting my exhusband and his wife Toni is not too bad :) I enjoy the conversations and watching them interact together is a fascinating entertainment! They are truly "cute" together.
I have worries but so far I know that it is because I have no control on the outcome of others decisions.
If I feel insecure about a situation or find myself wanting to be angry for some unknown unbalanced way, I don't stick around or I don't go.
So far that has been only 3 times in the last 4 months.
That is not a bad average if you ask me.
I walk Jambalaya almost every night with a nice guy lately. He moved into the apartment complex a few months ago. It is nice talking to him. He is actually younger than me...
by 27 days! LOL
Linda and I walk often, too. I have been reading a tremendous amount because it is free or very cheap to do. My TV is about to die so that movies from my apartment office will no longer be viewed as often. We shall see what the New Year brings in for me. I ride my bike solo again and Jambalaya is getting pretty good at following along.
LOL
I haven't been taken into the Trinity River at least. Pahsha was famous for doing that with me :)
LOL
I gotta get ready for work to end and say good bye to some very interesting people.
Maybe one or two will stay in touch. Maybe.
LOL
Time to get things sealed for my Christmas. I like looking at how others have decorated.
ME? No decorations. Not many come to visit me. It is okay though... I am getting more stuff that is never used out of my little location. Maybe easier to move if I have to after January and I determine If I can afford to keep my apartment.
LOL
God knows I don't enjoy moving anymore....
But look kids!
I AM smiling though.
I have enjoyed reading the most. My daughter has started writing again on her blog and it is so very interesting at her ability to write and see the workings of her world. A couple of friends (real friends) have asked me why she doesn't write professionally. I dunno. Maybe it is because her views are honestly what she sees....not trying to convince others how to see. She is talented in several ways.
My son is amazing :) He is doing GREAT in college that he is paying for! Learning how to deal with his life and making progress in living. HE simple makes me comfortable. Loved.
My niece, Chandra is getting on with her life nicely. Don't see or her from her much but that was to be expected :) She has her new home and a new boy in her life.
LOL
It seems that life will always move forward while I watch to see how time changes everything.
Time slips up on me so fast of late.
Yes, there are concerns about how to deal with some of the events coming my way....but a man I have met at my job gave me some wonderful advice...
"Sometimes the best avenue to follow is to just laugh."
It has eased some of the tensions.
I am concerned that because I have worked so much lately catching up and taking care of bills from the first half of the non working year that I am not able to finish my hand made items for Christmas....so odd things will be purchased...and I will send the hand made things on as I can.
TO EVERYONE...
I am concerned that on Feb 29th I will be unemployed again. I have already started looking and interviewing....and my truck keeps breaking...which has become a stress point that is unbelievable.
I can't do a whole lot but work as it comes right now.
Learning learning learning is what I want to do. Currently attempting to get some funding to get to the classes I so desperately need to change my career. I want to do my massage full time and I want to specialize it for the medical field. Seems fairly solid to go the medical career direction. I know that there are classes starting soon.... I hope I can get the funding together (looking into school loans for this too!).
Jambalaya loves the cold weather! My ski clothes have come in handy lately :) I have some kick-ass memories of learning to ski and going skiing with dearly loved friends....and deeply missed friends. A few wonderful pictures are in that, too.
It always makes me smile when I go through my pictures.
I guess not many really know what all I do in my life. I decided to make a hell of a change in it and I withdrew....Yes, Marty, I am fine. I needed to move away from those folks that sent my emotions into roller coaster rides. I do miss a very select few....but they have no further 'need' of my presence in their lives either.
I am calm and I smile a lot now. I even caught myself singing again :)
I look forward to seeing my kids and my grandson.
I don't stay long in too many places unless I feel balanced. Even visiting my exhusband and his wife Toni is not too bad :) I enjoy the conversations and watching them interact together is a fascinating entertainment! They are truly "cute" together.
I have worries but so far I know that it is because I have no control on the outcome of others decisions.
If I feel insecure about a situation or find myself wanting to be angry for some unknown unbalanced way, I don't stick around or I don't go.
So far that has been only 3 times in the last 4 months.
That is not a bad average if you ask me.
I walk Jambalaya almost every night with a nice guy lately. He moved into the apartment complex a few months ago. It is nice talking to him. He is actually younger than me...
by 27 days! LOL
Linda and I walk often, too. I have been reading a tremendous amount because it is free or very cheap to do. My TV is about to die so that movies from my apartment office will no longer be viewed as often. We shall see what the New Year brings in for me. I ride my bike solo again and Jambalaya is getting pretty good at following along.
LOL
I haven't been taken into the Trinity River at least. Pahsha was famous for doing that with me :)
LOL
I gotta get ready for work to end and say good bye to some very interesting people.
Maybe one or two will stay in touch. Maybe.
LOL
Time to get things sealed for my Christmas. I like looking at how others have decorated.
ME? No decorations. Not many come to visit me. It is okay though... I am getting more stuff that is never used out of my little location. Maybe easier to move if I have to after January and I determine If I can afford to keep my apartment.
LOL
God knows I don't enjoy moving anymore....
But look kids!
I AM smiling though.
I have enjoyed reading the most. My daughter has started writing again on her blog and it is so very interesting at her ability to write and see the workings of her world. A couple of friends (real friends) have asked me why she doesn't write professionally. I dunno. Maybe it is because her views are honestly what she sees....not trying to convince others how to see. She is talented in several ways.
My son is amazing :) He is doing GREAT in college that he is paying for! Learning how to deal with his life and making progress in living. HE simple makes me comfortable. Loved.
My niece, Chandra is getting on with her life nicely. Don't see or her from her much but that was to be expected :) She has her new home and a new boy in her life.
LOL
It seems that life will always move forward while I watch to see how time changes everything.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
where oh where has my little dog gone....
because he is HUGIFEROUS!!!
Yep, Jambalaya turned 1 on November 1st. God, a Scorpio temperament as such as I have never dealt with :)
Actually he does remind me of Leslie in a lot of ways.
He will bring me all kinds of toys. He is protective to a point but pretty happy when on an adventure. He is a tad skittish of strangers...today he actually growled a little at one of my neighbors. She is gay and rides a motorcycle. He did sniff her though. THAT is a start :)
Soon as she tosses a ball for him he will be fine :)
70+ pounds he is now. We were walking yesterday morning. Slow walk because I have been sick as sin since Thursday night. Feeling better today (thank you for asking, by the way)
Anyway... we were walking on the back side of the apartment complex along this retaining wall (Jamba insists on walking on top of it) and POOF* he takes of right and I follow with feet flying in the air.
All I could do was do a push up to get my hips under me instead of being bent on the retaining wall. Sit upright and start laughing.
It has been a long while since A) I was so weak that my dog could pull me that hard B) musta been a sight to see me flying off my feet with Jamba chasing a squirrel and C) I laughed that hard.
I did do a little testing on Jambalaya's pull-ability
HE can do a hard pull of 150 lbs. That is a HUGE amount for me to control at times. I have learned to not have a lead attached to me on my bike :)
Jambalaya does really well following (sorta ziggy zaggy) ...okay, he likes to lead. Trust me when he is tired he will stop. Sit in the middle of the trail and stare at me in my eyes like "you CRAZY old woman! STOP!!!" After a few minutes he is ready to run again. :)
He cuddles me at night safely guarding my feet and knees from hidden night dangers. Sometimes I hear him sigh deeply like I do....ahhh, FINALLY sleeping! Then he gets down and rests on his bed. I think it is so he can look out the window at night to make sure the local area is safe.
Jambalaya LOVES Zephyr very much! Z will chase him and they play tag. So far, Jamba has not knocked him over which WILL be a site to see :) Zephyr will let Jamba kiss him for a little while...then he is off running and chasing the dog again :) Z loves to hug and pet Jambalaya. Jambalaya tries to approach all the kids he sees...looking for a fun time and pets and rubs. He is big though and it scares some little ones that have not been raised with dogs.
Steve and Toni are bring Z home today with them for a little "pre-visit" on the holiday. I hope that there is a way that I get to see him, too. Jambalaya needs his boy time, too. I cannot take Jambalaya over there to Steve and Toni's. They have 3 adorable kitty cats and their home could not deal with Jambalaya's ability to reach ANYTHING he is curious about :)
To look at the previous years pictures of Jambalaya and to see him today. Amazing at how the pup has just gotten swallowed up by a beautiful non shedding coat and need to RUN from sleeping all the time at my feet or on my lap. Oh yeah... Jambalaya thinks he is the size of Grace (Annavee's long haired Chihuahua) so you will find him CONSTANTLY perched on the arms of my couch. Kinda reminds me of the Peanut's cartoons and watching Snoopy hanging off his doghouse.
Jambalaya is a wonderful companion for me. He is excited to see me always. He is willing to go anywhere I wish to go. He loves for me to touch him and love on him. He even understands when I need to just sit and think. All in all I am glad he is in my life for as long as his heart will beat. All he wants to do is play which seems to be a "thinking" of mine. Come on! Let's PLAY!
I do it with my grandson and I can do that with my dog.
Although SOME of the walks don't exactly look like play :)
Yep, Jambalaya turned 1 on November 1st. God, a Scorpio temperament as such as I have never dealt with :)
Actually he does remind me of Leslie in a lot of ways.
He will bring me all kinds of toys. He is protective to a point but pretty happy when on an adventure. He is a tad skittish of strangers...today he actually growled a little at one of my neighbors. She is gay and rides a motorcycle. He did sniff her though. THAT is a start :)
Soon as she tosses a ball for him he will be fine :)
70+ pounds he is now. We were walking yesterday morning. Slow walk because I have been sick as sin since Thursday night. Feeling better today (thank you for asking, by the way)
Anyway... we were walking on the back side of the apartment complex along this retaining wall (Jamba insists on walking on top of it) and POOF* he takes of right and I follow with feet flying in the air.
All I could do was do a push up to get my hips under me instead of being bent on the retaining wall. Sit upright and start laughing.
It has been a long while since A) I was so weak that my dog could pull me that hard B) musta been a sight to see me flying off my feet with Jamba chasing a squirrel and C) I laughed that hard.
I did do a little testing on Jambalaya's pull-ability
HE can do a hard pull of 150 lbs. That is a HUGE amount for me to control at times. I have learned to not have a lead attached to me on my bike :)
Jambalaya does really well following (sorta ziggy zaggy) ...okay, he likes to lead. Trust me when he is tired he will stop. Sit in the middle of the trail and stare at me in my eyes like "you CRAZY old woman! STOP!!!" After a few minutes he is ready to run again. :)
He cuddles me at night safely guarding my feet and knees from hidden night dangers. Sometimes I hear him sigh deeply like I do....ahhh, FINALLY sleeping! Then he gets down and rests on his bed. I think it is so he can look out the window at night to make sure the local area is safe.
Jambalaya LOVES Zephyr very much! Z will chase him and they play tag. So far, Jamba has not knocked him over which WILL be a site to see :) Zephyr will let Jamba kiss him for a little while...then he is off running and chasing the dog again :) Z loves to hug and pet Jambalaya. Jambalaya tries to approach all the kids he sees...looking for a fun time and pets and rubs. He is big though and it scares some little ones that have not been raised with dogs.
Steve and Toni are bring Z home today with them for a little "pre-visit" on the holiday. I hope that there is a way that I get to see him, too. Jambalaya needs his boy time, too. I cannot take Jambalaya over there to Steve and Toni's. They have 3 adorable kitty cats and their home could not deal with Jambalaya's ability to reach ANYTHING he is curious about :)
To look at the previous years pictures of Jambalaya and to see him today. Amazing at how the pup has just gotten swallowed up by a beautiful non shedding coat and need to RUN from sleeping all the time at my feet or on my lap. Oh yeah... Jambalaya thinks he is the size of Grace (Annavee's long haired Chihuahua) so you will find him CONSTANTLY perched on the arms of my couch. Kinda reminds me of the Peanut's cartoons and watching Snoopy hanging off his doghouse.
Jambalaya is a wonderful companion for me. He is excited to see me always. He is willing to go anywhere I wish to go. He loves for me to touch him and love on him. He even understands when I need to just sit and think. All in all I am glad he is in my life for as long as his heart will beat. All he wants to do is play which seems to be a "thinking" of mine. Come on! Let's PLAY!
I do it with my grandson and I can do that with my dog.
Although SOME of the walks don't exactly look like play :)
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