Sera 'n dippity

My bike. Sera n Dippity **and you guess who belongs to which part of the name :) **
I really miss riding my bike. I think it is time to SLOWLY get out there and start riding again. Gentle rides at first. Serene and complete. That's the Sera part talking.
'n Dippity says" sheeet.... talk about FUN on the dips and catching air!"

I originally named her Serendipity because I needed the perspectives of where I was at the time. Mike (aka Lefty) came up with the recognition of what it was "REALLY all about" and provided the name plate for me with his PTouch. I thought it was fantastic to have the parody visible for all to ponder on. Henceforth: Sera 'n Dippity

I write today because I am really a bit concerned about my mental attitude recently. Old habits seem to be appearing and I am almost unknowingly acting out and then getting to review what I forgot about my life lessons so far. Fudgettes and Hrumps.

I will be talking to the psychologist on Monday. Think I need to be on some type of the antidepressants again and hopefully a smaller dose. The other dosage I was taking was not allowing for my expressing deep emotions. All were a "flat line" type.
Maybe I like roller coaster rides to much.
I remember describing that in an NA meeting long ago. 1995. I said I was tired of the emotional roller coaster ride. That I was looking forward to the easy rolling hills.

Until I could not cry when needing to.
It has built up a different type of stress recently and I am observing in retrospect that acting out has become a reaction/response. Sounds like I am describing a child at times. Feels like childish behavior. Forgetting my responsibilities and wanting to just drive. Anywhere.

The bike for me is a better solution to taking off driving. Need to start carrying her in the back of my truck. I am told to take it really easy for a bit by the doctor however. We all know how well I listen at times.
=)

I can't stand being still. I get into mental trouble. I get stubborn and start acting childish. I hate that part of my character, it shows to me that I am still dealing with fears.

I know that the first step is the thought of what you want to experience. I know that I do not wish to experience again a feeling of betrayal.
To myself
To those I love
To those I once knew

Right now it is a bit hard to see myself and know that there are changes quickly coming. I need my independence back and the feelings I get when I ride are just that.

It is me
my bike
and the trail I choose to ride upon.